Perimentalpause

Women's health
1

Hi everyone

Help. 

I have recently discovered Perimenopause.  Not because I'm going through it - but my partner is.  We are both female which may, I hasten to add, exacerbate the effects on both of us.

I should make it clear at this point that my partner is in total agreement with me writing here - she knows exactly what I'm saying.  I would never belittle her in any way, but we are both pretty humorous people (well we were before PM loomed it's filthy head anyway), and this transition is having a serious negative impact on our lives.  We are trying to introduce humour, but it really isn't funny very often.  (I am trialling a new blog to see if there is anybody out there who is feeling the same way ​ ).  

My partner is 46 and we have been together for 8 years.  I am 34.  She has always been a fun loving, caring, low maintenance great girl.  In recent years she has started to turn into what can only be described as a monster.  Neither of us were aware of the hell that is Perimentalpause.  I had begun to become used to her "mood swings", simply attributing them to "hormones" (us females love the phrase "time of the month" hey"!).  However, one night -  I'll call it "Meringue night", I realised that this may be something more sinister than your average "Aunt Flo" is visiting time of the month.

We were "happily" making Easter meringues for my partner's sister's friends.  We were chatting away and decorating them at the table, and then my partner dropped hers, face down on the floor.  What followed fully introduced me to the world of Jekyll and Hyde that Perimenopause causes.  My partner, having been laughing hysterically only 47 seconds prior, looked at the floor and started to cry.  I said, "Don't worry baby, it's just a meringue", to which she replied, "well it's not just a meringue is it", started to sob and then farted and walked away.  I thought, "oh s**t, there is something more up here than regular PMT".

That's the worst thing about it - she has never suffered from PMT.  It's just that since she hit her mid - 40s, she has become a weeping, shouting, farting monster for a few weeks of the month.  How is this fair?!  I never know whether to get her a tissue, a toilet roll or give her a Gaviscon.  I don't know from one minute to the next whether she's going to love me to the point of weeping or scream at me to the point of me weeping.

​Her symptoms have ranged from minor to MAJOR, and include the following:

​- anxiety (this is the worst one for her - she never used to panic about anything and now she can barely climb the stairs or get on or off a train at certain times of the month)

​- reflux (she just belched upstairs so that prompted me to write this one down next)

- tinnitus

​- itchy skin (really bad)

​- SEVERE mood swings

- cold sweats (they are rancid and make her feel like she's dying)

​- heightened sensitivity to allergies.  She's never had hayfever and yet the past couple of years she literally has had it all year round.  We discovered Piriton, which helps, but knocks her out as it makes her so drowsy. 

- wind (seriously, WTAF?!?!)

​- crushing fatigue

- breathlessness

​- increased sex drive leading up to ovulation (not complaining!), and then decreased for the rest of the month

- lethargy

​- apathy (this is heartbreaking for me to see - she was SO full of life and positivity before this s**t hit)

​Is this really it for the next few years?  We think it's been going on for approx 3/4 years already.  She has regular periods and so we know a GP won't be able to "do anything".  She is literally on about 9 vitamins a day.  We have both felt despair, hopelessness and helplessness.  We are intelligent, funny women, but this Perimenopause hell is slowly transforming the pair of us into exhausted, emotional wrecks who don't know which way to turn.  Is there anybody out there in a similar situation?

​Thanks for reading 

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2

You wrote the sory of my life, just now. Add severe insomnia and now high blood pressure to it and you have me. I dont shout and yell, but i cry and get suicidal thoughts so severe.Maybe if only i could yell the tension out Id be better. Please, please, I beg you if you love your partner please support her. She cannot help it. She is probably just trying to go through this hell the best she can. It is hell this thing. I have a teenage child and I dont know how long I can stick around to be for her. Please, please love your partner and support her!

3

The allergies! What a nightmare! I never had any, any suddenly have all!

4

If you can afford it, find a good naturopathic Doctor. Absolutely changed my life and I went from nearly all the symptoms to barely any. Still in the middle of peri at 46, but not suffering, nor making anyone else suffer either. I can't believe what a hideous person I was before. I had really lost the plot for a while!

5

Hi Lou,

Yes, much of what you write has already happened to me. I will say, that it sounds like you are a very loving partner. I am thankful every day that my husband hasn't up and walked out due to this hideous, unpredictable time that some of us unfortunately endure.  

I am now into menopause and it has gone much better, so I want to tell you that there is light at the end of the tunnel. 

I don't have an exact recipe on how to help your partner make this journey smoother. The list is endless of what I tried to alleviate some of the more crushing issues. Nothing is worse than feeling totally out of control. I was always one to believe that you could always rise above difficulty when you put your mind to it, until perimenopause then menopause kicked it. WoW, was I ever humbled.

Her journey may be short through this or it may extend, all I can really tell you is to certainly look at different methods of help. I know this is very rough on you but believe me, if your partner is anything like me, it's rough on her knowing that she's putting you through this hateful times as well.

Bless you for being there for her and for heaven's sakes, please don't take things personally should she hurl insults at you. I look back and again, thank God my husband was wise enough to blow off some of the crazy nonsense that would come out of my mouth...then weep about 10 minutes later for being such a ....well, you know the word.

This will all pass, promise, sometimes just not quick as we would like.

Best to both of you.

Anniex

 

6

Hi Lou! So sorry you guys are having such a hard time! I am also 46 and 3 to 4 years in peri. The anxiety and mood swings have also been the worst for me. My poor husband didnt know who i had changed into and i didnt know myself. Luckily, like you seem to be...he is very supportive and tollerable. (even though he probably feels like running for the hills). In my case the worst of the mood swings have ceased. They lasted about 6 months and i feel (and act) myself again. I oppted not to do hormone therapy but a synthetic progesterone cream to mimic hormones. A topical cream has helped so much, or i am just through that stage. Not sure which but may be worth a try. That crazy girl is gone hopefully forever and i am back to my cheerful laid back self. So please know it will not last forever. You will have your partner back! And when it is time for you to go crazy, you will both have a better understanding of whats going on! Also, i took up bike riding when things were at there worst. Excercise releases endorphins that are natural happiness. Being outdoors has also been said to be a great mood enhancer as well! Best of luck to you both! Hang in there it will get better!