I am an intern doctor at a very busy overcrowded public hospital. I am currently posted at surgery wards. I have this constant fear of going to the hospital, almost every day before going to work. It's not because I feel i am incapable or unaccepted, but I really hate the environment, I am always trying to find a way out of all this. I get extremely upset with deaths. And I am always worrying about how the next day is going to be. It gives me anxiety, it sometimes even makes me feel sick. I don't want to deal with serious patients, I don't want to work 12-14hrs a day in a hospital with actual patients. And I really hate night duties. I always feel like I should be somewhere else. It's only been a month, but i have to continue this for a year. I can't get out of it. So I'd really want to know how i could overcome this. I really need help.
First I commend you for becoming a doctor. Doctors have anxiety just as anyone else I'm sure you know that. I worked hospital security and one thing we had to do was remove the bodies. And it was very hard on me. I hated it. Patients rely on you as a doctor to help them on the worst day of their life and that is a lot to bare. I'm sure you went into the field for a reason. Because you care. I know when I worked at a youth facility it was hard working 16 hour shifts but when I had an out of control kid and I was able to calm him down with words then physical restraint, I felt like I help him. I have anxiety and PTSD among something else but you can overcome this and be a great doctor.
Perhaps your aversion to the hospital environment will ultimately help you to better empathize with patients. I can relate, I have a medical phobia and I also work in a hospital setting (I’m not a doctor, but a data analyst, so I don’t deal with sick people at least). If you stick with it, then I believe you will ultimately become desensitized to it. A lot of the things you mentioned, like patient deaths, are probably hard for all burgeoning doctors. I assume you pursued medicine because it’s something for which you have a passion. It was really hard for me to work in a medical facility at first, but I eventually got used to it. Some things to focus on: the positive impact you’re making in people’s lives, that the experience you’re gaining makes you better able to help people, and that this interning phase is the last step in the gauntlet to having the lifestyle I presume you want. Know that this is temporary, and that you can choose the type of setting you’d prefer to work in when it’s over. I personally have found deep breathing exercises, meditation (I know it sounds generic, but it helped me to develop a more serene disposition) and therapy to be helpful as well. If you find a decent therapist, then you can try to get to the root of your phobia and learn how to address it. The biggest thing that’s helped me is learning to live in the moment, it sounds like you spend a great deal of time dreading what’s going to happen next and what the next day will bring. Just keep at it and I bet the year will fly by.
Hi,
I'm going to be blunt and straightforward with you. Perhaps this is not your calling, becoming a doctor.
Have you had a bad experience in the work environment, apart from seeing death and serious illness ? doctors can't second guess themselves,they can't afford to, you need to know your stuff, obviously you do otherwise you wouldn't be there, so high commendations to you for that. Seeing your comment, everybody experiences anxiety in different ways, they cope in different ways, just think of the first line of the medical professionals that bring the patients to the hospital, the paramedics or the GP that has to call an ambulance to cart the patient off from their practice, paramedics more so because of the terrible, horrible stuff they see first hand on arrival of a crash scene, domestic violence scene or murder, same as the police, forensics, cleaners, it just keeps running down the chain, you have to have that iron gut type quality to perform in professions like this.
Don't push yourself, just because you are a doctor don't be embarrassed to seek some assistance from pyschiatrists or pyschologists they can help immensely. You are a normal person just like everybody else so never think otherwise. you have made it this far you just need some extra help to get to the finish line of your chosen profession.
perhaps a distraction for your unwanted thoughts is, concentrate on your patients and what they have to say, by that I mean immerse yourself in their conversations, research their symptoms to their conditions during breaks, hard to explain as I'm not a doctor but I hoe you kind of get the meaning of what I'm trying to convey.
I'm going to send you a private message with some information if you care to read it. Goodluck
Is there someone you can talk to ? Uni must have some sort of counciling to help you !! You need to make sure your in the right frame of mind to help others in a life or death situation!!
YOU definitely need to see a councillor to help you understand and overcome these fears.
Also what you have to remember is , you didn’t cause anyone’s illness or injury, you cannot save everyone, sometimes even with the best efforts of med/surgical interventions it’s just their time to go. You cannot save everyone, all you can do is your best.
Being surrounded by death is very difficult but u have to try not to personilize it. You must detach yourself from your emotions and other people s emotions