Have been taking citalopram 20mg for around 10 years without issue.
Started taking a PPI for excess stomach acid on 8 Feb. Felt physically unwell on 9 Feb. On 10 Feb, started having rolling panic attacks. They stopped in the evening. Then they came back the next day. Again, stopped in the evening. Same pattern the next day.
Upped citalopram dose to 30mg on 13 Feb, so exactly two weeks ago.
Still waking up with panic. Panic still pretty much continuous until around 7pm, when, bizarrely, I start to feel almost normal. Every small task seems immensely stressful. Occasional episodes of crying. Struggling to concentrate on anything. Zero appetite. Find eating weirdly stressful. Like a nightmare: wish I could build a time machine and go back to 7 Feb and just stay there.
I am trying to accept the anxiety and just let it wash over me. But it’s this constant barrage of intrusive thoughts: ‘you are a failure’; ‘you will never get better’; ‘you will never be you again’. I accept and refocus, accept and refocus, accept and refocus, but they keep coming back.
I don’t know what to do. I feel trapped. Do I keep holding on for another week and see if this goes away? Do I go back to 20mg? Do I switch to another AD? I understand that no one on this forum can give me an answer. **But I could really do with hearing from someone who went through this, did get better and did get their life back. **
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Late reply but l’ve just joined.
I’m so sorry you had this/have this difficulty in your life. I really do know how you feel. And l had the same fight. Citalopram is hell to come off and l really hope you’re feeling less terrible. It’s miserable, but you really aren’t alone. I know it feels like it and l know someone else feeling the same might not feel comforting, but you were so brave coming off this drug. Really brave. Yes, l wake up to miserable anxiety every day, but yes, l start feeling lighter around 7.00pm. I sometimes think that if people treating us were forced to take a drug that made them really feel like us, they’d have so much more empathy and compassion, but when you’re feeling so alone, and l know this sounds like everything you’ve ever been told, but when it’s really bad, sometimes it helps to just think about the next five minutes. Then the next. Remind yourself this is just your head messing with you. You’re obviously one of the really good ones. You’re brave, really brave. I don’t know if you’re having therapy, but there are some good online groups being rolled out and they need people like you, because they WANT feedback and even advice and you sound like the kind of person who’d be able to do that. You don’t have to show your face to engage, and it really can help - and boy do they need feedback advice from people as articulate and brave as you are.
Thinking of you
J
I hope you’re doing ok, I know this post is from months ago when the forums shut down. I know the hell of panic attacks and feeling like you’ll never be ‘normal’ again - but you WILL. There’s always a solution. I’ve gotten my life back twice from being in the total pits and it’s always worth it. You’ll get there too.