Hey guys,
As I write this, I still am not sure what extactly it is that I have. Anxiety, depression or whatever I just dont feel right. Here is what happened to me so if anyone can relate or have any insight please please let me know. I really want to get well.
I am a college student. Last May I expeirneced a panic attack on marijuana. It was so bad that I thought I was dead and I could feel the after effect for three days. But after a while I got better, I totally forgot about it and life was good. Just after summer I decided to take a gap semester and worked as an intern. It was a very hard and stressful job. Towards the end of my internship I started to expeirence some werid physcial symptoms like dizziniss and body aches. I am not sure why but looking back it was probabaly becasue of the stress and underlying anxiety that I had becuase I was seperated from all my friends and stuff. Everything broke out in last November. I had a panic attack becuase of chest pain and went to the ER. I thought I had a heart attack. After this panic attack my hell started. First I completely lost my appetite, I could not eat anything for a good month. I started to expeirnce more physical symptoms like body aches, ringing in the ears, muscle twiching, constant belching, stomach cramps and I was very anxious about my health. I was constantly worrying if I had gotten some serious illness. And everything I felt something wrong on my body I would kind of freak out. Before I even knew, I had lost 15 pounds and I felt weak and terrible. In the begining of this year I transfered to a new school and started going to school. It didnt help much, the new place stresses me out and It is so hard to feel that I even belong here. I started to experience this lightheadness/unreality feeling. I dont even know how to describe it but I just dont feel normal. It has been half a year and some of the physical sensations still presist. I have been in counselling and they seem to think it just anxiety and mental distress. I am not on any medication because I am kind of medications becuase I am hesitant to use them and I hope I can overcome this natrually.
Does this sound like anxiety or depression? I do not freak out anymore, I have not had an panic attack since the one back in October. I can go about my daily tasks. I can also enjoy spending sometime with freinds. But I just dont feel right, I feel less interested in things, depressed and just like crap. If its is just anxiety, how can it cuase me to feel this ill physically?
I should add here, I have been really trying to help myself through physcial exerices. I am trying to gain my weight back but it seems really hard. And physical activities seems to help a little but I just am scared and frustrated that I still feel this way. I have also been trying meditation. But it doesnt seem to have a dramatic effect niether. Its been like hell for me and I really want to get out of this. Please help!
Hi What ever you tell your mind to do it will do if you say you feel sick everyday your body will feel sick if you say your going to panic you will .the more you take notice of your symptoms the worse it will get .to me the unreal thing you feel is derealisation You should try mindfulness works quite well and the depression is proberley coming from how you feel aswell ,vicious cycle . When I was 15 i to smoked weed with thewrong crowd of people one night I felt like I was a ghost not in control of my body my pulses was racing everywhere in my body I didn't go out for about a month after that scared me to death. Think in to the future stay positive and don't look in the past try to ignore your symptoms when them come on and except them CBT will help a bunch aswell.
The weed, in my opinion,was your entry. Very very common for people with a pre dispostion to anxiety disorders. It should be talked about more but its swept under the rug. I have no clue why maybe too many love it. Anyway that happens.
Saying that i would guess you had a bit of depression prior. Maybe felt sad or glum and was an overthinker but thought nothing of it. But it was there.
So now here you are. With what i wuld guess is something called GAD and the occasional panic attack. Learn about this. They sell anxiety workbooks. Get one and learn maybe even a counsellor that does cbt and dbt. I say dbt because after a person has had a panic attack it runs deeper and dbt work with emotions well. Manage it now and learn self calming tools so it doesnt getvthe chance to grow. Anxiety rules start haooening you blame things that really have nithing to do with anything. You blame school, a test, a paper, an internship, a place maybe you felt anxious in a store then its the stores fault..people do this a lot they are called anxiety rules. Well its you not the situation or the place but sensory overload can trigger it. So it seems random when its not. Learning cooing mechanisms now is the smartest thing you can do for yourself. At least youll have the know how to forge through it. This is something that is a manage kind of thing because its intertwined In a fight or flight mal function (no cure as yet), your personality, habits formed and genetics. So you need to be able to manually self calm. And for the times you cant then learn to ride the anxiety like a wave. It adrenaline rush type of feeling but with stress hormones so its like a wave of fear and weird symptoms.
sadly this is epidemic these days. 25% of the globe. 18% have bad anxiety. Thanks to the fear based media we now have and just the whole state of the globe. So many are becoming more anxious. Im more then sure the poor diets add to it with additives and non nutritious foods but i dont think thats the cause. Just adds in another variable.
if possible look for a anxiety yoga class. It will encompass breathing, body movements and a little mindfulness training. Fun and useful and you are young so more flexibke then the older people haha. That an anxiety workbook and hooefully some counsellor to do behavioral training should make a nice difference overall. Pills are not cures at all. They last short term and are addicting. So they have to weaned off off and that accomoanies many difficult side effects. That is more needed if you can not function, that haooensas many try to ignore it, fight it or fear it. You can fear this. Fear can never be your boss it wasnt meant to be and shouldnt be given that power. this is a disorder you have to accept as is and accept yourself anyway. Not so easy. What ifs are sabatage but tend to happen anyway. Almost impossible to just ine day change how you think and how you life so this is a very slow process of change. But you need to change.
Meditations vary. Theres are so many different ones. So keep looking for different ones eventually you will find one you like. Maybe mindful exercises will sit better.
Lastly many do not relate or want to relate to this. So be prepared to understand that. It is draining and irrational on its own. This is why self love, self acceptance and helping yourself is vital. please trust the pricess of oife. Your worrying and over thing is beyond useless and sabotage. Any and all sound decisions and changes takes place in a calm and rational mind. Theres no life lesson that can come from over thinking. Journal before bed. Write down your day and thoughts and the last oaragraph would be the positives. Find them. The journal will be become your personal handbook in about two months time which is kind of cool. You see patterens and the way you interact with yourself and the world. So journaling is very useful.
thats all i can think of i hope it helps.
Have you tried the audio meditations found on YouTube that deal with stress and anxiety? I do them a couple times a day especially when I lie down to go to sleep and I put my earbuds in.
I have had all the symptoms you have and yes anxiety can have literally hundreds of symptoms.
HERE IS WHAT HAPPENS...
when we are anxious or brain sends out a hormone in an effort to protect us because it thinks we are in danger. It creates a large amount of energy and sometimes we will feel a rapid heartbeat. That is to increase oxygen throughout her body. This is all called the fight or flight responseWhen there is no actual physical danger, all that energy the brain has mustered up has to go somewhere so it shows itself as physical symptoms. Then when we get the physical symptoms that makes us even more anxious so the Brain sends out morehormones . The vicious circle!
The key is to learn how to respond to the physical symptoms so that everything can be slowed down. That's why I like the YouTube meditations. But also, when you do get a symptom the best thing to do is acknowledge that it's there but don't give it too much attention. The same when you get a negative thought. Don't try to fight it off but just acknowledge it or observe it and then picture it floating off on some dark cloud. The more attention you give the negative thinking and symptoms are worse they are. I know it's difficult believe me I've been through all of this and still get it once in a while. When I was in my 20s it all started and there was no Internet or support group so I literally felt like I was the only one in the world this way! it was really bad. I just felt weird, it was hard to describe and nobody really understood what I was talking about.
there is a great short audio on YouTube to teach you how to cope with the symptoms. It's called anxiety attacks cure – self-help anxiety treatment.
another great one is clearing subconscious negativity.
if you can ever pick up a copy of the book called mindfulness meditation it teaches us how to separate negative thoughts from ourselves. I can literally very much reduce or eliminate my symptoms just by the way I think about things.
One more thing is that counseling helped me very much. Sometimes this is very hard to overcome on our own and just venting to someone else helps. They see this every day and have the tools to help you.
Believe me I totally understand what you're saying and how weird it all feels. But we have to be a fighter for ourselves! We can't let anxiety take us over. You are young person and deserve a life filled with peace of mind and happiness. It will all calm down eventually and try not to get frustrated because One day you might feel great and the next not so great. That's OK. And very normal. Just keep fighting on! I hope you feel better soon
Thanks for the response lisa. Looking back yes I think maybe I had always been an over thinker but I really never thought too much about it. I am trying to deal with it I promise. I exercise, I am trying meditations although like you said you have to find the one that is the best for you. What you said about the anxiety rules is interesting. I have noticed that I do not get panicy over any particular thing ( but I guess I still pay too much attention on my body and physcial symptoms). When you siad manully self-calm, I wonder if there is anything I can do. Meditation helps, but even when I exercise, I dont think I am completely "in the moment". There is a voice inside my head that constantly reminds me that I am not "normal". My body still remembers the "Old me" and is probably having a hard time recognizing and accepting how I feel now.
Thanks CJ! I know I gotta stay positive and look into the future. Trust me I am trying!
Thank you Jan,
I have been trying to meditate everyday which I find somewhat helpful. I start to get tired after I meditate. I feel tired and just burned out through out the day. Although that is the case, I still try to be active. It is hard, but I will keep my fingers crossed that I will get better and better.