hello all, ive been reading these forums and people seem to have been really lovely and helpful and so i wanted some insight into the struggle i'm facing currently. Recently i was put on the combined birth control pill LEVEST. i was on birth control when i was younger and i found it triggered anxiety in me, but i soldiered on and took it for a few years until going on a year abroad i was required to stop it, so until 3 weeks ago i had not been on any hormonal birth control for just about two years. i felt quite pressured by a nurse to go onto this pill recently so I did, I did not notice any side effects until about Tuesday last week, so two weeks exactly after beginning the pill again. I started to get weird intrusive thoughts about my relationship and began to doubt it? (i have an amazing loving and caring boyfriend who ive been with for about 5 months and i feel i love him so much and i want a future with him) I tried to ignore these feelings and push them to the side on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday but they have not gone away, along with them has come this dark cloud of what I can only assume to be depression. From Friday I have felt so apathetic about everything, I recently got the degree grade I wanted, a new job in the field I want and me and my boyfriend decided to move in together, have got a flat set for July and everything. But this is all being dampened by what feels like a fog of sadness, apathy and numbness to emotions that is overshadowing me and the bottom line is, I just do not feel myself, I’m looking back to me last week, who I was then, and I cry because I miss her, I’m scared I’ll never see her again, I’ll never be her. Yesterday I spent all day with my boyfriend and his family and by the end I was so emotionally drained that I was hysterically crying, tearing every 5 mins because I hate everything about my life right now and feel nothing, no emotions. Considered walking in front of a car and felt nothing, no spark of ‘hey that’s a stupid idea’ just flat. My boyfriend is being so supportive as he has suffered with depression in the past and I love him so much, I know I do, I do get glimmers of normalcy but then go after a while and I try to evoke the feeling inside myself again but to no success. Has anyone else had an experience with this? Surely these feelings are linked to a bout of depression bought on by a bad reaction to BC pill and hormones, how can I go from two weeks ago feeling so positive about life (I have ocd but it doesn’t effect my life too negatively) I live a happy existence, I felt so in love, so excited about my imminent move, so on a high about my degree result to now - nothing, I’m trying so hard to feel these emotions again but I can’t, it’s like I can feel the shell of them, I know I love my boyfriend, I know I’m happy about my life but I can’t feel them any further, I can’t feel the emotion itself and I just do not feel like myself, in fact I even envy myself from two weeks ago, living a happy, loving existence, visiting my hometown with my boyfriend. Please does anyone have any similar experiences or any experiences with the birth control pill and bad bouts of depression, or any insight on how long this will last, as I said, I came off the pill on Friday (stopped mid pack because I couldn’t bare it any longer) does anyone know how long these side effects take to dissipate?? Anything would be welcome as I’m so sad and helpless at the min, I’ve gone from enjoying life, everything panning out to what feels like mental hell and emotional numbness.
hello olive I haven’t been on the pill for a lot of years and didn’t go through the same as what you are going through.my advice tho would be to come off it altogether.it clearly is no good for you and you have so many good things in your life right now to be happy about and this is only making your life miserable.don’t let anyone pressure you into taking anything.this pill seems to be messing up your hormones in a very bad way.there are other birth control methods you could try.keep trying different ones until you find what is right for you.these are not your real feelings and it would be devastating to have to live your life being so unhappy when you could try something else that may be perfect for you.good luck and I hope you find whats right for you.take care of yourself xxx
Thank you!! i came off the pills completely last Friday so now I’m hoping its just a case for natural chemicals and hormones in my body and brain to realign and bring me back to normality though currently I’m feeling that I’ll never feel normal again 
thank you for your words of support x
you will pet I promise.hormones are the most awful things.they make you feel you’re going crazy.you will get there,just give it time.one day you will wake up and feel normal again.i would stay off any pill altogether.i would not want to risk this happening again.bless you for what you’re going through.i went through a bad time over Christmas and I thought the best of me had gone forever but one day when I woke up I knew things were getting better.I’m happier than ever now.hang in there olive.