Longing, wanting, constant yearning
Hating, loathing, frustration burning
Aching, hurting, forever crying
Suffering, cutting, inside dying
Fighting, trying, almost breaking
Holding, clinging, bodies aching
Twisting, Turning, mind controlling
Spinning breaking, sanity unfolding
Questioning, wanting, no understanding
Breaking, weakening, darkness approaching
Asking, begging, happiness awaiting
Hoping, wishing, forever praying
X
Your mind is working overtime, you wish you could stop these thoughts
If only there was a way to stop them, if only you'd been taught
You take each day as it comes take each step as you see them, as the Latin say 'carpe diem'
Life doesn't always turn out the way you hoped it'd go, you're feeling weak insecure or just generally low
But there's always a way out you just need to seek
Pick yourself up, be strong, stand on you're own two feet
Everyone in life have their ups and downs, you're certainly not alone
Life's never as bad as you think, nothing is set in stone
So don't let yourself be brought down by hurt, sadness nor hate
You can change things if you try, you can decide your own fate
So if you're feeling alone or just maybe a little sad don't dwell on what you haven't got and think of the things you have!
Panic "
my breathing hurries, i'm overwhelmed by heat
I start to shake from my head to my feet
My chest tightens up, feel like I'm going to die
I wait it out till it passes then I can't help but cry
Cos it's the scariest thing to ever go through, not knowing what's wrong or what to do
I walk out the door and I'm scared right away, I think that at home I should have stayed
Cos when I'm out in public I'm always so wary, my heart always races, it's always so scary
I hope that soon I'll be on the mend, hope they'll go away hope that they'll end
Cos I won't these feelings to be no more, for things to go back to how they were before
I hate these attacks that I have endured, I weep as I wonder if I'll ever be cured.
'Just because'"
Just because you don't see me cry, it doesn't mean that I'm not sad
Just because I seem to have a lot, it doesn't mean I have
Just because I laugh and Joke and smile a lot of the time, it doesn't mean I'm happy, It doesn't mean I'm fine
If only you could understand, if only you could see, that the girl you see on the outside is not the real me!
Everyday I pretend, everyday I'm playing the role, of someone who is happy, who's life is in control
But this is far from the truth, it's all an act you see, cos the truth is I'm not happy, the truth is I don't like being me
When a new day comes I wish it hadn't came, because I know no matter what I do I'll always feel the same
I laugh and joke about with friends as if I haven't got a care, but at night I feel so lonely because nobody is there
Feels like the world is leaving me behind while it just keeps moving on, feel like I'm not a part of it, feel like I don't belong
Feel sad about this hand that I've been given, just because I'm alive it doesn't mean that I'm living!
Thoughts'"
These thoughts in my head go round and round, so I've put pen to paper and wrote them all down
Sometimes life's funny with the way things go, but I don't see the amusement when I'm feeling this low
There's a lot of things in my life that get me down, but because I'm a mum i have to hide my frown
I hide my troubles, my worries, my fears, I hide the hurt and I hide the tears
Sometimes my whole body aches and hurts
And I think.."can my life get any worse?
I wake in the morning and I know that it's time, to do it all again, to pretend that I'm fine!
Today has been hard, been feeling really low, had no one I can talk to, had nowhere I could go
So I sit myself down, take out my pen, open my book and write a poem again
I write down these thoughts and feelings of mine, as I find it easier to express them through rhyme
You see this book its like my journal, it helps fill an empty space and somehow as I'm writing, the words fall into place
In a way it's a comfort as I can read them Back and see, how tough the days can sometimes get For me
I can also see the changes I need to make, where things started to go wrong, where I'm making my mistakes
So I'll keep writing these poems for as long as I feel the need, until the sadness goes away and the happy me is Freed!
'Nobody knows'"
People are always telling me to cheer up but they haven't got a clue, they don't understand that it's not that simple, they don't know what I go through
But I don't blame these people, in a way they're just naive, it's the way they see things, it's just how they perceive
But only I know, only I know it to be true, that the way I feel and act sometimes is not just me feeling blue
There's a whole lot more beneath all that, a whole lot more besides, they don't understand the battle I fight, how every day I try to hide
The hurt and pain inside of me, they just don't see at all,
How they see life as a happy thing yet I just see it as cruel!
'Cutting'"
Do you sit alone feeling scared and afraid?
Do you stop and reach for the nearest blade?
Do you cut to release the tension?
Are your thoughts full of frustration?
Are you like me or am I just dumb?
Is it just me who's minds constantly numb?
Please tell me that I'm normal
Please tell me that it's okay
Am I the only one that can't keep my feelings at bay?
One minute I'm fine one minute life makes sense, the next I make these cuts at my minds expense!
I wish I could stop I wish I knew how
Wish someone could relate to the way Im feeling now
Slit my arm to watch it bleed
It's not something that I want, it's something that I need
To feel the pain to see the blood spill
Anything to stop the way That I feel
Oh god this is stupid I don't need you to tell
I know I should stop but wish I knew how
I just want someone to relate, want someone to see, to tell me that I'm normal and there's nothing wrong with me
The truth is I don't want to do this to myself!
The truth is Im just crying out for help!
I try to change things in every way, but nothing's ever different, it's just like Groundhog Day
The same bad things repeating over and over, where's my luck? Where's my four leaf clover?
I don't know why I bother even wanting more as things just stay as they were before
I have to lie in it for I have made my bed, try to stop thinking of what could have been instead
So I'll let things play out even though they're not that great, but my life is what it is, maybe is just fate?
So I won't try to change things cos what will be will be, the sooner that I realise that the sooner that I'll see
That most things in life are beyond our control, we're just pawns in life's game, I'm just playing my role!
Storm' "
As single teardrop falls from my eye, the clouds grey over in the sky
When it rains it pours, it's like a raging storm,
My mind is in tatters, my heart is torn
I hope and I pray that the day will come, when even through storms I can see the sun.
"Dear Mr 'D' (depression) "
Dear Mr D why are you here? Making me miserable and living in fear, casting your shadow all around, at every turn pulling me down
Dear Mr D why have you came, is it something I did? am I to blame?
I wish you'd go, why won't you leave?
Stop suffocating and let me breathe
I've fought with my body, my mind, my soul, but I can't cope anymore, I'm losing control
I'm scared, I'm sad, I'm all alone, I can't get through this on my own
I've tried and tried for far too long, but I can't fight anymore you're just too strong!!!
Dear Mr D why can't you see just what it is you are doing to me.
I had an ok day today, was good, I managed a smile, but the feeling didn't extend to tonight, it only lasted a little while
I thought that maybe things would change but all alas alack, as soon as I feel I could be happy the sadness comes rushing back
But I will keep on fighting, I'll keep on pushing through, for it's the only way I know how, it's just what I have to do
So I'll end this poem now before I say goodnight,
As I'm going to need all my strength for tomorrow's fight!
I wear a mask so that I can disguise, the hurt and pain that I feel inside
It comes with a smile, laughter and fun, for I can't show my true feelings to anyone
I wear it so that I can pretend none of its real, this pain, hurt and sadness I feel
I'm suffocated by my thoughts, i'm crushed by my pain, I'm overwhelmed by emotions I can't contain
I torment myself everyday, for these feelings I cannot keep at bay
I'm stuck with this burden, I'm stuck with this guilt, I'm stuck with the mountain of pressure that's built
I live in the past and I can't move on, I just want to forget, I want to be strong
But because of what happened, I can't let it go, I can't talk to anyone they just won't know
They won't understand, they'd think I'm bad, that I'm a horrible person, that I deserve to feel sad
She's all alone feeling nobody cares, sitting and doing nothing but stare
On the floor in a subconscious state, no one knows she exists, feels the worlds on her plate
Nobody knows that she's even there, no one to talk to and no one to care
Her frustration is overwhelming she feels the need to hurt, she hates herself, she's feeling like dirt
She's going crazy, she's losing her mind
Doesn't want to give up but feels that nows the time
She's laid in the corner alone and so cold
Nobody knows what happened, no one was told
She took her life and no one knew why, she tried to reach out but they didn't hear her cry
So she kept things to herself, didn't want to be a burden, Didn't want them to delve
Into her life for they wouldn't understand, what she was going through, why she was sad
She stayed withdrawn from the people that cared, didn't realise that of course they'd have been there
But now it's too late she's taken her life, leaving her friends and family with the strife
That troubled girl just needed some release
And now all that can be said is
'Rest in peace'
Everyday I struggle, everyday I try, to force a smile to hold my head high
If people only listened, if people only knew,
But no one understands the things that I go through
I wish I could run, I wish I could flee, but no matter where I run i'd still be me!
I'm my own worst enemy, a victim of my own mind,
How can I have a better future if the past I can't leave behind.
I don't know what I'm doing, don't know where I am, wish I could change things but I'm not sure that I can
So I'll just reach for that familiar bottle, drown my sorrows and then..in the morning when I wake, probably do it all over again
Cos I see no other way, seems it's the only thing to work, to take away the sadness and the hurt
I just want to know will it ever be different and if so then when?
But until I get that answer I'll just get drunk again
It's not the right thing to do, don't get me wrong, I know
But I'll try anything to make this feeling go!
Happiness "
Everyone wants happiness, it's what we all try to find,
for a little bit of joy and a That little piece of mind
The road may be long, there may be obstacles to push through,
but once we reach our destination it'll be an amazing view
So be your own counsellor, take your own advice,
guide yourself to happiness for we don't get to live twice!
Crying, hurting, don't know what to do
Feeling sad, down and useless too
Life is so hard, wish I knew how to deal
With the hassle, the stress and the pain that I feel
Tired, broken, feel I've nothing left to give
Times are so hard in this life that I live
No one understands what goes on in my head
So I keep my problems to myself instead
Wake in the morning and dread the day
Wish I could sleep, wish I bed I could stay
Tears keep on falling, scared they won't end
Till I make big changes and my life I can mend
But it's not easy, believe me I've tried
Seems lately all I can do is hide
From all the struggles that I go through,
It's not the best way but it's all I can do
Tried to help myself but it's just too tough
There's nothing more I can do
Should I just give up?