Press pause on life?

Mental health
1

Want to press pause.

I don't want to end my life.

But I'm struggling to live it.

I want desperately for someone to swoop in and sort all the mess out, but I know nobody is coming and I know I can't sort things either.

Hate the feeling of powerlessness, just want to give in and yet I don't, I know I have others who depend upon me.

Right now I'm wide awake, alone, and crying as quietly as possible.

I just don't know how much more I can take, I speak to all the relevant health care professionals but I know there's elements of my problems they just don't understand.

Sometimes I feel they think exaggerating..

If only they could truly understand.

Worn out now.

Need a break.

Sorry for venting.

xxx

2

I exactly how you're feeling but what keeps me alive now are my children and having shorting tho look forward to... Find something to look forward too,like finding a better job,set out goals to accomplish... Lord knows I'm trying...

3

Hi, Audrey:  You haven't stated if your doctors put you on a mild antidepressant or antianxiety med...Please ask your doctor, one who really listens to you.  Life is worth living, so get yourself well as soon as you can, and enjoy.  Depression is from "hell", as far as I'm concerned, so don't let it beat you....try to get on some meds to clear up your clinical depression and give you strength to life an enjoyable life....hugs.

4

I am keeping you in my thoughts, Audrey.  Keep looking for that light at the end of the tunnel and keep on telling the professionals until they take proper notice.

Never apologise for venting....that is what we are here for.

Pat xxxxxx

5

You vent all you want to love,  you deserve to.   I am trying to think of something profound to say to you but can't.   I am thinking of you.   Bev x

6

Thank you so much for all of your replies.

I'm currently on Pregabalin (150mg a day) and diazepam for anxiety attacks.

I just can't seem to win in the mental health system, I've told everyone (medically) until I'm blue in the face that I really benefit from talk therapy.

So then I get some, start to get to the bottom of my problems and then it's like "time is up"... Wait 6 months and THEN back on a 9-12 month waiting list...

Despite my scores being in severe range for anxiety and depression, despite me having to care for my partner.

I have had support from the carer's charity but they're so limited too.

When is anyone going to do something about this massive need for mental health services?

I get the NHS is stretched, I really really do.

But where is the common sense?

Don't you think they could save money in treating the people suffering before they get to the point of no return; addictions and suicide and reckless behaviour?

Surely support now would decrease these problems getting worse?

I don't know I'm just so frustrated.

I'm frustrated that I get given "advice" which for those of us who have suffered know sometimes isn't possible...

Like yoga. If one more medical professional recommends yoga I'm going to blow a fuse.

I do yoga, but it doesn't give me the outlet that I've recognised I need, somebody to talk to.

Sometimes I can't even be bothered to wash my hair; I used to be immaculately groomed, now getting out of bed is a win for me.

Despite not sleeping I'm permanently tired.

I know I can't sleep because I'm constantly on guard, anticipating potential dangers and how I will deal with them.

Then when I try and do happier things I have people like my dad who puts me down, he's been emotionally and physically abusive towards me and my mother.

My mother isn't with him anymore and is happy with a new partner, but you can't go shopping around for a new dad you know?

Just seems like I'm on my own to deal with everything.

I need help because I'm drowning in all the problems and I can feel I'm just starting to shut down.

I'm trying to fight it as hard as I can but each day I wake up and I pretend to be happier and stronger than I am.

If I actually was behaving the way I was feeling I would be lying in bed all day sobbing/drinking/screaming/sleeping.

But I have to put on a brave face and it is so so so tiring.

I'm exhausted xxxx