I have PTSD from multiple traumas in my life. I was in 2 fires around the age of 3 and now i'm intensely sensitive to alarms, open flames, prefer not to be around people smoking as the smoke sets me off, alongside a whole bunch of other hypervigiliante behaviour.This combines with PTSD from a sexual assault when i was 14 that i woke up to happening, and then a few years on when i was 19 i woke up to being raped. This has given me issues with sleeping, my own bed, hypervigiliance surrounding me, being followed and knowing who is in a room and where exits or weapons may be, alongside keeping my back to a wall at all times if possible. I live each day of my life never fully relaxing because of it, and it's exhausting. But the thing that gets to me the most is my dissociation.
I experience dissociative symptoms where my skin does not feel like my own. It feels like it's a film laying on top of my muscles, that it does not fit and that i'm too small for it or that it's just plain wrong and it makes me wish I would rip it off in strips. This makes me self harm sometimes, though i have strategies in place to try and avoid this. But recently, for the past 3 weeks i have been constantly feeling like my skin does not belong to me.
I cannot relax and i cannot get settled. I don't know what to do. Does anyone have any advice for me from their own experience that may help me to feel normal in my own skin again?