Hi
So I used to have a bit of depression mainly due to loneliness and a lack of knowledge in what I was going to do with my life but about a year ago I sort of got better.
I never confided in anyone but found a bit of meaning in my life when I decided to join the army. I started training and I made friends and got a girlfriend and all that which made it one of the best years of my life.
Anyway skip forward to last night exactly three weeks before my assessment for the army when I have a breakdown. Out of nowhere I just get this feeling of total loss akin to what I had the year before.
I start bawling my eyes out and wanted nothing more to do with anything, the army, my friends, my girlfriend and just wanted to do nothing for the rest of my life.
When I had depression it sucked but I had a strange sort of comfort in it all and that was exactly how it was last night. I felt terrible but at the same time safe in a weird way.
Now today I’m all fine. I’m as happy as a daisy and want to do all the things that I’ve been training for but can’t stop worrying about last night and what it means.
Thanks for reading and I’d appreciate any advice.
Hi William-
I am an Army veteran. I would say that if more men did what you did, the world would be a nicer place.
Men bottle feelings up and never release them, this often causes problems. I never cried in the military, even when my friends were killed, I never cried. We have been conditioned to show resilience even when everything else says cry and be sad.
I have since left the military and have had some life changing things happen and I felt like my world had ended and it would never be ok. I cried, and I let people know I was feeling awful. I cried some more and felt sad. I felt my feelings. I continue to feel sad, but I feel a lot better than yesterday.
Sometimes things feel overwhelming. Learn to recognise it, feel the emotions, let someone else in that you trust. And work on strategies to feel better and look for the good. If it continues long term, and it's for no good reason then speak to a professional.
From what I can tell, there is nothing wrong with you. Emotions are healthy, bud. However, I only share them with people I trust and I know care about me.
Good luck with your assessment.
William
Look at this reversion not as a breakdown just a fear of not doing well in your passing out examinations. The Army trains new soldiers very well, and you will know what is expected of you.
When I was at college I was always worried if I would flunk examinations and it was very common when we were taken twelve examinations a year. Take a deep breath and go for it. Stop worrying, they want you to pass knowing the forces
Good Luck
BOB