I think I've been off it now for just short of 2 weeks (Monday will be 2 weeks exactly). Although I took some last Saturday, I'm not going to let it derail me.
To be honest, it all still feels very acute, but given it's only the second week I'd expect that. Still not sleeping, and then when I am awake I'm really irritable. I don't think I've been without a headache since I stopped, but nothing that panadol can't manage. I think the hardest part has been dealing with everyday stress. It feels bigger than it should, and my anxiety goes through the roof.
Still thinking about whether to come clean to my husband. I've nearly told him a couple of times, but just haven't been able to.
Thanks for the advice re the doctors check up. I can see the sense in that and will make an appointment and get checked out. I just don't know what I'll do if I've done permanent damage (which is probable given the amount of time I've been taking them).
I normally switched between N+ so my liver would have a break, and then Panadeine so my kidneys world get a break. Stupid right? I'm shaking my head thinking how silly it sounds. Surely if I was that concerned about my health I would have just cut back or stopped altogether, instead I would just alternate between the 2.
Anyway, will bite the bullet and make an appointment. And thanks for the above re the Codral. I've used the 'real' ones before and they've been great, but with Codeine in them, I would steer clear of them. Maybe there is a similar product with pseudo in it and no codeine? Probably worth me having a look.
How much codeine have you been taking daily and in what form if you don't mind me asking? Do you do CWE? Good luck on cutting back/quitting when your product arrives. You've been through it before, and it sounds like you definitely have the strength to do it again.
I don't see myself out of the woods for a while yet, so I'll be hanging about if you need to vent. Do your friends/family know what you're going through?
The sudafed brand is just pseudoephedrine, the codral brand has less pseudoephedrine and also contains paracetamol and codeine.
Not sure what your relationship with your husband is like (I hope good) so I won't tell you to be honest with him but in my experience telling my wife was important to me and she has stood by me through all my addiction issues with codeine and alcohol. Having support (especially from your partner) is hugely beneficial. I really hope you get that support from him.
At the moment I'm taking 30 N+ a day. At my worst before my stomach perforation I was taking 90 per day. The stomach perforation and surgery was the worst and most painful experience of my life and yet I'm still taking them. I've never done CWE.
My family are aware of my problems as well. My family are very supportive of each other though which is why I can be honest with them and not feel as though I need to hide it. There are positives and negatives to everyone knowing though.
I don't think you'll find any permanent damage, maybe moderately damaged but nothing that can't be fixed. I'm glad you're going to have the tests done, it will assist you in recovery and give you additional motivation to stay off the codeine. Sort of like the feeling of being given a second chance and being grateful you're still healthy if you know what I mean?
Which state are you in? I'm in SA
Hi ellenbe,
Here is some more information you may find useful. These products will help with the feelings of anxiousness, excess nervous energy and sleeping difficulties.
You can buy these at good sized pharmacies.
1. Thompson's Once a day Kava tablets. Kava has similar effects to benzodiasapines. Which will help you to relax during withdrawals. Please don't by or use Kava supplements until you have the results for your liver through blood tests. Kava can be toxic to the liver especially if it's already impaired. I take 2 an hour before bed, my wife takes 1 in the morning. Do not take more than the recommended dose of 1 per day.
2. Thompson's Stress Manager. This contains Rhodiola rosea which is excellent for jitteryness and anxiousness. It will also help you sleep. You can take 3 tablets per day. I usually take one in the morning and 2 an hour before bed.
3. Thompson's Once a day Ginko 6000 which helps with mental clarity, focus and alertness.
4. Milk Thistle supplements. Milk Thistle is great for liver health, not as good as N-acetyl Cysteine but easier to get and it works.
I dont expect you to take my word on all this, never outright believe anything anyone on the internet tells you, but if you look these supplements up you can read the benefits for yourself.
Hey Wilro, sorry for the delay, things have been busy. Thanks for all of those suggestions. I'm going to look at all of those products and see what I think will work best for me. I definitely need something for stress and anxiety so thank you for all of the tips.
I'm glad you've got support from your family. The more I think about, the more I know I need to tell my husband. I think I'm scared of the finality of it. Like if I tell him then that will be it, I'll never be able to take then again...which of course is what I want theoretically, but realistically, the prospect is very scary. And I'm not sure where that comes from, my husband is very kind, supportive, and loving, so I'm not sure why I'm so hesitant.
So, broke down and took some tablets on Friday. Again, it won't be my downfall. Disappointing, but I won't be deterred from my goal of complete freedom from codeine.
And in answer to your last question, I'm in Perth, WA.
Hi ellenbe,
Little setbacks are ok. You've been going days without it compared to normal so health wise you've made big steps forward. Don't beat yourself up over it, 30 a week is a he'll of a lot better than 30 per day. I'm still taking daily, I just can't motivate myself to give it a serious go yet. It's coming though, I need to do it for myself and my wife and kids.
I don't know of any support services where you are so I can't help with that, sorry. In SA we have DASSA (drug and alcohol service south Australia) who are really good to talk to when feeling down. I'm sure WA would have something similar.
You're right, once you tell your husband that's it. You either stop or lie to him, unfortunately I do the latter, but having that support can make all the difference if you use your partners assistance to make a clean break. Just knowing someone else understands how crap you feel is very beneficial.
As always, good luck, keep it up, you can do it
Thanks Wilro. If it was still my choice I'd be taking it every day. The choice is out of my hands now, so I don't have a choice.
I'm still struggling with the daily 'blah' of getting on with it every day if that makes sense? I feel like the fog protected me from the banal realities of everyday life. Now I just put one foot in front of the other each day even though I don't want to. I also hate small talk. I fake that a lot as well. It all feels so pointless and boring.
Well enough of me being a sad sack. I can't complain. My family are well and I'm still here for them. I need to be grateful for the small things.
Can your wife tell when you're using? I think I can hide it effectively from my husband, but that may not be the case. He may know more than he is letting on, who knows.
Are you still thinking of quitting when your product arrives from India?
Yes I have another go when my stuff arrives. I was just banned from another pharmacy 30 mins ago.
My wife can tell, apparently I act differently. Other people can tell as well. I used to think no one could but quite a few close friends and family can. It took me a while to realise they could
Wow, sorry to hear they didn't serve you. See, this is my problem with this whole process. They happily serve us codeine no questions asked for many years, then completely cut us off without warning! It makes me so angry. It's a process that hasn't been thought out well.
As much as I hate this, I'm kind of glad it's happened this way for me. I know if it was left in my hands I would have never given up.
What's next for you? Will you try another pharmacy? What options are open to you? So your wife knows you currently take it, or does she think you aren't taking them? You don't have to answer any of my questions if you don't want to, I will not be offended at all and completely respect what you decide to say and what you'd prefer to keep to yourself.
Hello ellenbe.
I have been reading alot of your comments about what your going through and i myself am going through the same.
I'm in melb and the whole real time recording that's just been brought in has forced me to give it up.
So i just wanted to let u know your definitely not alone.
I'm on day 2 at the moment and the thing in struggling the most with is the no sleeping and restless legs. Please tell me it gets easier?
¡Sé cómo te sientes! Terminé en estas cosas horribles después de un accidente de equitación y para cuando me di cuenta de que era adicto, era demasiado tarde. Soy de Sídney y odio el cambio repentino de monitorear N+ pero creo que necesito esto para dejarlo. Leer este hilo me ha ayudado mucho. Nunca le he contado a nadie sobre mi adicción.
Hey Surfgurl,
So tough isn't it, and congrats on making a really tough decision (although I think mostly taken out of our hands right).
Does it get easier?...yes, but with time. In my experience the acute physical symptoms ease after a couple of weeks. It's the mental stuff that's tough for me. All the stuff that I've been covering with codeine bubbles to the surface. Stress, anxiety, boredom, irritability. That's the stuff that's hard for me. Learning to live again without that buffer.
Basically I'm faking it until I make it. I know one day I'll feel contentment and happiness, but it would be unrealistic to expect it to quickly. I know it's ok to feel crappy, so I'm just taking it a day at a time.
Keep us posted on how you go. I find just venting or writing how I feel really helpful. It doesn't have to have a point, just getting it out there is enough.
Hi Jess,
I think it's a really defining moment when you actually admit addiction (even to strangers). It's very confronting. What's good is that you're not deluding yourself.
I think with the new restrictions there will only be more and more of us in the same boat, and I know we can be a support to each other.
We can be free from this. I know what's different for me this time is the fact that it's now out of my hands. Even if I wanted to take again (which I do) I just can't. Simple as that. Keep us posted on how you are. We are all in this together. Take care.
So just a general update on me. I'm about 15 days in so very early days. I've taken N+ on two occasions over this time. What's different about this time though is that when I've slipped up, I've just resolved to keep trying (as opposed to taking them daily again which I've done countless times in the past after a relapse).
I was up from about midnight to 4am last night unable to sleep so feeling groggy today and less than fantastic. I expect it is going to take a while for my sleep to improve but I'll wait.
Physical symptoms: The endless runny nose, light headache, that's about it.
Mental symptoms: OMG, not enough room. I'll articulate that another time.
General outlook: Hopeful. Glad to have this outlet to vent.
What I want: To tell my husband. Find some contentment in life. Increase exercise. Not feel so overwhelmed by everything.
We are all in for a tough June here in Oz Ellen be. It is doable. I've done it before and Ill do it again. In fact I'm sitting in my office day 2 CT know g it will pass if I stay clean. We have no choice.
Hi Michael,
You're right, we have no choice. It sounds like you've been down the CT road before, but that didn't make it any easier does it. Stay strong!!
It's going to be interesting over the next month or two with God knows how many people forced into withdrawals. I'm meeting with a pharmacist tomorrow to find out exactly what they are legally bound by now and what the pharmacy guild has told pharmacist how to handle addicted people.
I understand why they've done it, I wouldn't wish what I've been through on my worst enemy.
I have 2 young kids and I came close to dying a couple of months ago with a perforated stomach.
It's the way they have implemented the restriction that bothers me. I've had 3 meetings with drug and alcohol councillors, 3 doctors appointments and they still haven't been willing to help unless I go in as an inpatient which I refuse to do due to family and work commitments.
Eventually well all get there but it is going to suck for us in the meantime
Wow, that will be an interesting meeting. Would love to hear what the pharmacist has to say, especially around duty of care for those if us who are heavily addicted.
The pharmacists have to protect otc sales as a matter of commercial importance so we are the collateral damage.
I am day 3. Feeling 50 % better especially after taking loperimide. Freezing sunny morning in Perth and I have taken myself to a cafe for late breakfast. Obviously missing my doc but this time I have no choice which in some respects is making g it easier. Enjoy the lovely day in Perth ellenbe.