Really bad thoughts

Mental health
1

Hello I am new to all of this. I am a 18 year old girl and I keep getting these really bad thoughts about sexually abusing my little brother, he is only 5.

I don’t want these thoughts, and it makes me feel disgusting and I feel like I am a pedophile. I really struggle everyday to get rid of these thoughts. 

I have been doing some research and it has said to try and accept the thoughts, so I have been just letting them come and go, but nothing is working! I don’t want these thoughts and I hate myself, knowing that I even think about doing this to my little brother. 

The thoughts occur more when I am around my little brother and now I dont even  want to be around him or near him and I’m feeling a lot of anger towards him because of these thoughts. 

The thoughts are making me really depressed and I just can’t handle it anymore, I don’t want to do these things but why is my head telling me that I do! I’m struggling every day and it is tiring and draining. 

I have started to go to therapy and I told my therapist about the thoughts I am getting and it took a lot for me to do that because I feel embarrassed and I don’t want to get arrested for being a pedophile when I’m not!!!! I never used to think about little kids that way so where has this all come from?! 

The therapist told me to distract myself when I get these thoughts and she said to say in my head ‘stop’ but nothing seems to be working! And I am trying and trying, I really am. 

These thoughts are making me hate my little brother and I don’t want to hate him but I am feeling a lot of anger towards him because I’m getting these horrible thoughts! 

Please can someone help me, I feel like one day I am going to lose it and go crazy, and I just feel like I shouldn’t see my brother anymore, but he’s my little brother and I want to but these thoughts are making me not want to be around him and I get very nervous that I will actually do something to him, but I don’t want to and I know if I did I would never forgive myself and probably kill myself. 

Please someone help and give me some advice because this is really horrible. 

2

Maybe you should check yourself into a hospital.

3

Hello, these intrusive thoughts are very normal in ocd. they are not wanted thoughts. you don’t choose to have them. I was struggling with this very phobia the other day. the thing you have to remember is that those who struggle with this phobia (like you and I) are the most unlikely to actually sexually assault a young child. you wouldn’t be having anxiety about this if you didn’t know it was wrong. these awful intrusive thoughts do not define who you are. you have control over your actions, you even said these are thoughts you don’t want to think. a pedophile wouldn’t feel bad for having the thoughts of sexually abusing a child, they like to do that stuff, you don’t. 

4

If you ever need someone to talk to feel free to message me, I would like to add that you should try talking to a doctor because that’s what I finally did and it changed my life, I use to not be able to change my nephews diaper but then I was put on medication for ocd and it had helped me a lot. if you’re like me I suggest googling “pure o ocd” or “pedophilia ocd” because it sounds like that’s what you are struggling with and you will find many stories about how people have overcome their problems with it as well. hope this helps 

5

Your thoughts do not reflect you are. Your actions do..

Just think what triggered you in first place to get these thoughts..

Think about this ..you think about dreamy land like princess kind of a story..you are in it. or i will become filthy rich by morning

Does it really gonna happen...no

I read some research article about ocd..which says whatever you are afraid or fearful will come in mind and associate itself with people who are dear or of importance to you.

So fear it self manifest it self like ocd.

So what ever you think or imagine wont happen at all.

Just repeat this in mind..what i am thinking will not happen..i wont hapoen my kid brother..its just a phase which is soon gonna pass.

Take up some hobby..to occupy yourself..you will soon get rid of thoughts..not completely though..but it will no longer matter to you..as you wont react to the thoughts.

Just see thoughts as third person, see if you are the thid person with the bad though. Which you are not..slowly you no longer react to such thoughts.

If you have supportive parents who you think will understand.. take there help.

I had a freind with ocd thoughts similar to yours..who is now doing good. She took cbt. And did all the above.

God knows who we are at the bottom of our heart. Our mind will never ruke our heart which is compassionate and kind.

Take care

6

It a shock to realise our mind have these thoughts. We growing assume mind complete us. It just not so.. See it like TV images doesn't mean agree all. Believe me whole bunch of negative stuffs we don't like or agree..part of this world. I have thought just the once on niece years back..nor anxiety. I just didn't react why would I? It gone. It just once because I didn't react in first place. If it happen while I was anxiety I properly react...feeding its strength. Try relax dont feed it.

7

Thank you! I am really happy that you have replied and said that you was dealing with a similar thing to me, yes I’m going to talk to my doctor about it but thank you for replying and I will message you! 

8

Thank you for the information! You have really helped. 

9

How is that helping anyone?

10

Don't listen to the uneducated people on here. The thoughts that you are having are just a symptom of OCD. OCD is quite common, though different people have different thoughts. Usually you will think about whatever you hate the most. Some people think of death, abuse, or inappropriate things in a serious situation.

It may sound counter-productive, but you should not fight these thoughts. It doesn't matter how disturbing they are, fighting them will only make it worse. As you have been told, the best thing to do is to accept these thoughts, watch them flow in and out of your mind. Observe them but don't absorb. If you practice this often, it should soon become second nature. When I get these thoughts, I will bite my tongue and think of a beautiful sunny day at the beach.

Whatever you do, avoid sharing these thoughts with close friends and family members. They will not understand you. Especially some friends that cannot be trusted, they will use these thoughts against you and then it's too late.

I don't care what anyone says, you are a victim of OCD and nothing more. These thoughts will die out in time.

11

Thank you, you have helped me so much!

12

It's not about being uneducated. I suffered severe sexual abuse for 6 years and due to that I have PTSD, anxiety and D.I.D. if you don't know what D.I.D is look it up. But I have 4 alters that we know of. So yes when I read a post like this I would suggest getting help before something does happen and a child's life could potentially be scared for the rest of their life. Its better to be safe then sorry.

13

I suffered sexual abuse as a child as well, so I know what it’s like, I would never do anything like that to a child because I don’t want to and because I know what it is like? Don’t be saying I have to be in a hospital when I’m just suffering and it is horrible ! Do you think I want these thoughts all the time? No I don’t but my head can’t help it and my therapist told me this is very common if you have suffered as a child from sexual abuse.