I am getting absolutely sick and tired of the people around me (particularly my partner) to understanding my fibro. When I'm withdrawn because of the pain he lambasts me constantly because he thinks I'm being like this because of him. I have told him time and again that stress makes the pain worse and when he is getting on at me or shouting at me. To be honest all the stress of a relationship is making the fight all the more harder.
What is everyone elses family like with them and does anyone else just feel like running away and just trying to cope on there own.
Hi Marc..We all on here know exactly what you are going through. Today I am having a really bad day, I can hardly move around. My youngest daughter said to me only last week 'what are you looking so miserable for'..I said I am not miserable, I am in alot of pain. And her next breath was 'can you look after the kids for the day' with that I said NO...Did not go down too well, but tough how I feel comes first these days. Try not to get yourself too stressed about about your partner, you will make yourself worse. Tell him to get on the internet and read up on Fibro..he will hopefully then understand what you are going through.. Most days I feel like running away, but where to? The rest of my family always say 'you look ok' that really drives me mad...Try not to worry, and have a better day...Regards...Anne..
Hi Marc I really do feel for you and I totally understand what you are saying My partner is ok but my daughter expects the world to stop if she stubs her toe but when her tea is not ready on time or her washing not done then I am just lazy......... I asked her to read up on Fibro and she says she has but still does very little to help and shows no signs of understanding I put it down to her age and selfish attitude that comes with it........Hope you are feeling better soon and that you partner takes the time and effort required to understand this illness If you are ever fed up we are all here for you
Marc, sorry to hear it's all getting too much, support for an illness that is invisible is always hard to get. Your partner sounds like he needs a bit of a reality check, would he be shouting at you if you were sat in a wheelchair, I doubt it. How can your reaction to your illness be because of him? It sounds like he either needs to be the centre of attention or can't cope because your illness is taking the focus off him. It may not be selfishness, it may just be that he isn't coping well with the adjustments in your relationship due to your illness and this is his way of dealing with it. I would try to sit down and have a long honest chat about what you are feeling and how the illness affects you and where you hope your relationship is going and how it will fit in with all this. If you dont think you can do this without an argument, both write it all down first seperately and then compare notes in a relaxed setting. Once you have done this you will hopefully feel either a lot better or at least you'll have a better idea of where the problems lie and whether they can be solved . Either way i wish you the best of luck xxx
Hi Marc, sorry to hear your predicament. I've only recently been diagnosed with fibro(last thurs) I don't think anyone realises what it's like having this horrible condition. I thought I was going crazy. How long have you been suffering?
hi marc i had the same problem but ended up splitting up he couldnt take anymore and he didnt understand about fibro constantly in pain but i have RA aswell with mine my brother s very understanding but the rest of my relatives dont want to lknow or want contact with me hi hope you get them to understand marc
Yes many of us I imagine feel exactly the same as you and have partners who respond/behave in the same way as yours. I've suffered fibro pain since I was pregnant with my second child in 1986 so I think my husband thinks "oh she has coped with it all that time so it can't be too bad", which infuriates and saddens me as if someone I've spent 30 years of my life with doesn't 'get it' then what chance do we have?
Hi I havent been on thus site for awhile and haven't replied much in the fibro topic. I have had it for years but inly got a dx this year. My husband ha been understanding but still doesn't quite get it when im sensIitivits too much. to touch. I had a horrible flare with a sinus infection on top of Iit and just wanted to crawl in a hole. my oldest daughter asked why am I always ill. She also gets mad abd makes me feel guilty for not watching her kids.
I finally started feeling better and decided to join a gym. So far the work oyts have been making me feel good. I dont push myself , my friend doesnt quite get that and says "oh you will be fine" but I stop when I think Its too much. I really need to work out because my stress and anxiety is getting bad and I want to lose weight.
I hope your partner will start to understand and I hope you feel better soon.
I know exactly how you feel. In fact my partner walked out on me just before Xmas shortly after my diagnosis. He said I had become a totally different person although I looked ' fine' on the outside. He said he couldn't cope with the fact I had become inactive and ' not much get up and go' anymore. He also said that he felt constrained by my lack of financial contribution due to the fact i can't work at the moment. It's good to have support around you and I really miss that but hey ho, such is life. This thing has certainly changed my life in more ways than one x
Hello Marc, I have learnt just not to say anything now, they see you the person who they love and are frustrated for you , nobody likes to see there loved ones in pain.But i get you, my husband has this nack of p*****g me off, he will say " whats up with you ?" if i am walking slow or just quiet. I think how many times do I have to keep repeating myself. But hey I dont get down , you just need to sit down together , nice food and a cheeky drinkypoo and just calmly talk about how you feel and get his thoughts , stress certainly wont help you. Nothing is solved from running away.you find out who your friends are , slowly i feel like i am forgotten about , but then they have lives and there own stuff going on. My mum checks on me now and again also my older brother . I just live one day at a time , do what i can when i can , and rest when i need to. I used to feel a sense of guilt but now i think B******s to it. I am in pain today but can cope with it, so have gone for a little walk and made some meals because tommorow who knows. hugs and if it helps let it all out on here , you are not alone in this we all know how you feel.
I so sympathise Marc. I'm very fed up too with how awful I look and feel and it so doesn't help when I see friends/family and they say 'oh dear, you look tired, are you having too many late nights?' etc etc. My partner tries to be understanding and to be honest is very good about me being below par a lot of the time but still doesn't understand when I'm weary with the pain or when I cant even bear to be hugged because everything hurts so much. I know I'm unreasonably grumpy and short tempered a lot of the time - being in constant discomfort just wears you down and its difficult not to let it make me so miserable to be with, I feel guilty about that and while he doesn't moan at me, I just dont like being such a negative person as a result. I must be very hard to live with. I do sometimes think it would be easier if I lived alone and nobody had to put up with me being a misery and complaining about the pain all the time but then I find so many things difficult to do anymore, I would be lost without someone here to help with certain tasks - that again makes me feel guilty - vicious circle eh. You're right too about stress making the pain worse, if only others could spend a day in our shoes eh! Fibro is an 'invisible' condition - if we were suffering from a more recognised disease or cancer etc., everyone is sympathetic and patient but to a non sufferer, they just cant understand fibro has so many symptoms and effects, not just the pain but the fatigue and the fuzzy thinking etc., it's so hard to get understanding and above all else patience.
iv been married since 98 and he dosent get it ,all i get when i have a very bad day and im in tears ,is what do you want me to do about it
really helpful .
i never get a meal cooked for me . or the house cleaned properly for me dosent matter how bad i am if i dont do it it dosent get done ,some times it goes for weeks driving me mad and no one will lift a finger .
My family are the same. Husband is great most of the time. On Sunday I tried to do some house work not very well mind you but I tried. About four ish I said I had had enough needed to be propped up in bed but I would fold some washing so I felt like I was still helping. With in five mins my husband was shouting at the children they were shouting at him and he then started at me cos I was sat up in bed! He knew why I was there but still went on. For the next hour I tried to ignore them all, even the dog had had enough and came and lead by me next to the bed!!! I then seemed to get ORDERED down stairs for tea, by now I was in full all out pain and needed some TLC, did I get it NO I did not. I was told if I didn't get downstairs then no tea! I needed to eat to take more painkillers so I didn't have a choice! It took me 10 mins to get down my stairs!! His excuse was he needed help with gravey and he didn't want me to get into the habit of eating in bed. I could of tipped the jug of gravey right over his head, just didn't have the strength!!! I eat in total silence couldn't eat much but enough to take painkillers. I then slowly went back upstairs and just shut the door. Couple if hours passed before any came to see if I was ok, hubby said sorry but he just didn't want me to give in to the pain. Hubby has never dealt with pain like this, twisted ankle headache now and again but that's it. I wanted to scream at him throw something but what was the point. It makes you feel very isolated as you all know. At least everyone on here understands, keep your chin up and do your best.
its so hurtful when people who knew me before my illness my family .and knew i was never lazy
,treat me like everyone eles does like i am swinging the lead .
if anyone else is not well they expect waiting on or being left alone i get neither .
i am some times not up for cooking tea ,but no one every offers to cook for me ..i feel so useless and people treating me like i am lying really hurts . id give anything if i could just get my health back .
and i could whiz round like a tornado instead of moving around like an over fed slug .
Poor you...really feeling for you...soo much stress makes everything worse...that is just terrible for you Marc...I am very very blessed, when reading do e of the comments past and present..I've had both Sojrens Sydndrome and Fibromyalgia for over 22 years now...the symptoms do lessen but there are flare ups...however the stress that your under us sooo wrong and hurting not helping at all..maybe your partner needs to read some info on the constant pain etc or even visit your doctor to see hiw real this is..my husband is an angel..dies everything for me-such a carer. However my extended family really didn't know what it was all about, until they actually saw what I could and couldn't do...I live in another state to my family., but friends and my immediate family- daughters & husbands, they are really good. It's an awful thing to say, but sometimes our family just don't want to accept that we are not the same as we were and they just can't fix it..a lot of the time it's about them and that they feel that they can't take away your pain etc....friends seem so different, this blog is just amazing at encouraging people..so stay connected, do hooe things pan out well for you..- xx
Hi Teresa its been about 6 months or their about but feels like 6 years. I'm 28 and had a diagnoses 2 weeks ago. I am condemned to a life time of agony. I am simply not built to cope with this. I would honestly consider euthanasia.
