Hello. For the last month or so I’ve been dealing with horrible anxiety. I have had anxiety ever since my Middle School days, but it has never been this bad. Before I get into why I am having anxiety, my husband and I were at odds. I wanted to spend time with him but all he wanted to do was play games. I felt like I wasn’t being listened to. I have had relationship anxiety ever since our relationship started. It’s first stage was me thinking that he never loved me and was constantly cheating on me. In no way shape or form was he cheating on me. But my anxiety made me believe he was. After awhile I slowly got over the jealousy (probably not in a healthy way) but have never been more in love with him. Now to get to the present, I wasn’t getting the attention that I needed from my husband. So I emotionally invested with my boss and then later a coworker. This happened over a span of two months. Before this I was comparing our relationship A LOT and was picking all the negatives about my husband. But I still loved him to pieces. It wasn’t always all bad. One day my mind said “you don’t love him”. A rush of pure anxiousness consumed me. I couldn’t breathe, I had no desire to eat, I felt like I was dying. For a week after that I was just miserable. I truly just wanted to die. I started taking antidepressants and started therapy. I still had my doubts, but my mind had to be constantly consumed with some sort of negative thoughts ranging from violent thoughts to obsessing over my co worker which I had feelings for but I knew I didn’t love. It was like this drug. I’d do better and be clean but one thought had to slip in and I completely relapse. I have this constant whip lash whether I love him or not. But this is the issue. I know I love him. He is a wonderful human being. He truly completes me. I know no matter what I’m not giving up on him. He is so beautiful. He is going to be the most wonderful father someday and I know he is someone that I want by my side for the rest of my life. I’ve been getting better over time, trying to be more positive. Yet even when I am happy and positive I get this sinking feeling and that “you don’t love him” thought pops in. I hate it. I truly loathe it. I just want to be happy again. I’d much rather feel jealous and not loved by him then not feeling love towards him at all. I’m stuck in a rut. I want to be better. I wonder if I am this way because of my parents horrible marriage. And now that I have something good and while my body and mind are rejecting it. I don’t want to lose him. All these horrible thoughts keep on popping up. Please let me know what you think.
As a husband I hope he understand what u are going through and is very supportive atleast .. I feel your pain love .. me and my husband split and he has our son and I have his daughter but we're not getting divorced but we're not seeing eye to eye on what state we should live in he's in Boston im in Georgia so I keep thinking oh he's cheating he doesn't love me because he has been distant since he's been there but our split brung on my depression and anxiety and I hate it it is a constant fight but u Cannot let it take over you .. you two need to plan something get out enjoy each other's presence.. tell him your anxiety is making u feel like .......... and that u think you guys should get out to take your mind off of the bad and unwanted thoughts and if he Truly loves and support u he'll understand .. ❤️ Hope this helps and I hope u guys start getting out and enjoying your marriage.. I now regret not enjoying mine to the fullest and being a sap because I was so stressed lol ..
I sure hope you are still on here
You are going to be just fine. the anxiety is overwhelming we all know but you are a strong woman from all of this. you dont need a forum to tell you this!!!! do not let those people say just because you made a mistake or two determine your life!! I know it feels so s****y and you want to be the most wonderful best woman/wife/mom/everything in the world but no one is. and all that "you dont actually love him " s**t your friend said.... tell me where is she? nothing is a fairy tale hun. i continue with this on a daily basis the knowing i did something... you either have to live or just paint over the memory like i do just keep painting the canvas you cant take away the color and sometimes it could turn brown and suck but just keep putting color on it and eventually it will be beautiful and the bottom layer will be unrecognizable although the bottom is what made it that way.
(Pardon the misspelling and grammer)