Oh Orb, it makes me so mad when colleageaus do that.
When I went back to work a couple of my colleagues avoided me like the plague until in the end I walked right up to them while they were stood together and said: 'oh sorry, I think I've come to the wrong place, I was looking for the mental institution'. I thenjust walked off leaving them stood there mouths wide open and totally gobsmacked.
A couple of days later one ot them approached me and apologised admitting she had just felt like she wasn't really sure how to approach me since my return.
I told her not to worry and ensured her that I'm quite sane but should she ever see me turning a weird colour or growing a couple of horns out of my head then that is the time she needs to ring a mental insititution and aks for at least 6 people to get here ASAP and not to forget the straight jacket and a shot of strong tranquiliser.
Result: She burst into a fit of laughter, apologised again then hugged me.
Conclusion here is: It is they that are ignorant and frightened of the unknown. Like when somone dies, people find it very awkard as to how to treat the person left behind or their direct family.
Now, errmmmmm after 2 or 3 weeks of feeling my own demon making a return, and my constant denial or fight against it, I lost my strength a couple of days ago. Yesterday I started back on my seroxat. Today woke and felt okay for about 3 minutes then that dark, heavy feeling returned. My breathing has now gone to random gasp as I try to rid this very heavy dark feeling I'm experiencing.
Oh I have known it was on its way back, I've tried brushing it under the carpet but to no avail and so the Master of all demons was allowed to re enter my mind and take over my feelings, motions, thoughts etc.
Today? I am back to fighting this bloomin' demon but not with seroxat!
Today, I'm being the defiant (I don't want to be ill again approach) So today I have decided 1 sleeping pill and a few beers will keep that b*******d away.
I would never suggest anybody EVER try and deal with their depression in the same way as I do :oops:
I am well knownat my GP surgery for taking things into my own hands and self medicating with just about anything that will chase that demon back in to his cave, his knees quivering at the number of dangerous obstacles he has to get through to reach my mind.
I choose a dangerous track - one I have used as my survival for 30+ years. So in a way, I'm pretty well much expereinced in the world of mixing over the counter meds with prescribed ones and mixing them all up with alcohol. I would never EVER recommend my appraoch to anyone - one day it could all go very wrong for me too and I could very well find myself waking up dead one morning.
It's an escape from commiting suicide (that's my thought lol)
I am quite known too for taking a bit of this, a bit of that, drink a bit, add a few more meds (its my own concotion lol)
30 years later I'm a survivor, but I know that (especially as I'm not getting any younger) that one day one of these concoctions could be the one that ends my life.
It's like a game of Russian Roulette :shock:
My blood test are already coming back with weird results and apparantly last week when gp looked at last lot of test he rubbed his chin and said something isnt right but what it is we are cluelsess and wrote off to hospital to have me referred for further test.
Could it be that I've even screwed up my whole body while trying to fight this demon???
Sorry - but hey! At least your know I'm a rambler LOLOLOL
Anyone else want to join in?