I'm a 18 year old female who had a terrible childhood. I ran away from home when I was 14 years old. I've NEVER felt like I can talk to someone without being judged. I seem ok from the outside but In the inside I'm a mess! I put on makeup every time I walk out the house because I feel somewhat ugly without it. I'm always telling myself something is wrong with my health. If I see one little change on my body rather it's a pimple on my back, my period is late, a new scar on my leg , etc I freak out! I've been treated bad by men so I always tell myself I'm obviously ugly if men treat me bad , but when I go out in public people call me beautiful ALL the time. When I look at my selfies I always think I'm ugly deep down inside but I try to stay positive , it's not working though. Throughout the years I've gotten so much worse! I know I need help but I'm too scared that I'll be judged. I have so much built up anger inside of me because of what's happening and what has happened in my past. I get upset easily because of it. I've been homeless before without eating at days if not weeks at a time. I feel so alone and worthless. I don't feel loved by anyone. I fell in love with a guy name Chad but just like any other guy he used me and because of him I've hit the deepest depression in my life. I don't understand why I get treated badly when I'm genuinely a nice person. I go out of my way for people but they won't do the same.
Hi Alanis l have been so moved by what you have written about your life.You really have had a horrible time however it is never too late to change.The past is gone and now you have to help yourself so that you can have a better future.The first thing you must do is go to your doctor and get a referral for therapy.No one will be judging you.Trust me most people are dealing with their own problems they really don't care about anyone else.You must get help with your low self esteem,self loathing and anger issues.You also need help with your health anxiety.l think you are probably a bit too vulnerable to be in a relationship at the moment as people treat you badly because you allow them to and there are a lot of a**holes out there that will take full advantage of that.Go get treatment and things will slowly start to improve with patience and hard work.
Hi sorry your so down. Your story is very common , most girls have bad experiences with boys, worry about thier looks and have a bad childhood but when it stays with you it becomes all you can think about and really affects your life. A lot of us can relate to childhood experiences affecting how we see the world from then on. Boyfriends can really screw up our thoughts about ourselves, like why do they treat me like this, what's wrong with me, are other girls better looking, lots of us have been there, then if you meet another boy who treats you the same you definitely think it must be you. Then we worry 'am I not good enough , not pretty or interesting enough. Believe me most of us have been there but if we are anxious we totally fixate on it. We think we need to change to meet someone and be treated properly. I used to think I had to look perfect and please everybody to deserve thier love or attention, looking back we meet people in life and we click and when we find the right person they love us because of who we are not what we look like, this can become so obsessive and consuming, lots of girls will be like you but you are super sensitive. Talk to your gp, they have counciling for this type of anxiety and will work on your self esteem and work on getting to the route of things, turning your negative thoughts and fears into more positive ones. I've been dumped on by few guys and never thought something was wrong with me, I wasted a lot of years worrying, my hubby tells me all the time I'm perfect, caring, and everything to him, I'd almost given up on guys and trying to be perfect , don't waste any more time tormenting yourself, you've had a bad start in life but can have a great future, there's lots of help and support out there. ❤️
Please go to a Doctor and get treatment. I know it feels really scary but remember no one is judging you. It is the Doctors and Therapist jobs to listen and help. You will feel so much better for seeking help.