Sadness

Women's health
1

So I am due to go in on Friday for my hysteroscopy and my man just dumped me.

He said things changed and he's not feeling it anymore. We just came back from holiday with my 16 yr old daughter and his 11 yr old son ( that acts like a 5yr old but the father doesn't ever say anything or disciplines him. I keep my mouth shut and don't say anything as it is not my kid and I don't have to live with him.

But here I am with all my menopause symptoms coming back because I stopped HRT, anxious and tearful, due to go in for the test on 2/9, we were suppose to go together to Israel for a wedding now he bailed out of it.

At the same time sad I feel a bit of relief.

The man doubled his drinking consumption, drinking 40 units per week and smokes like a chimney. When I would see him it would be the same routine him smoking and drinking himself stupid and eating at the pub. I would never complain, was truly quite complacent and easy going. Nonetheless out of the blue he comes out with I am not feeling it any more.

Any of you been through this??

2

I got dumped after 25 years of marriage!   Personally, I think you are better off without him.  Find your support for the menopause symtoms with woman who get it.   

Try to focus on the "bit of relief" without him.  Somehow, I get the feeling it won't be that hard to do.

 

3

Sorry to hear what your going through.

I'm a man on this forum (yes I know it's strange) the same happened to me 6 months ago with my partner of 11 perfect years together, I still and never will understand what happend

If he really loves you he should give you FULL support at this time, if not, he's not worth it and you deserve better

Good luck

4

Hello I think you're better off worh

5

Ahhh Steve you seem to be a man with a heart. I find it lovely that you are in this forum. Gives us women hope.

His attitude began changing once the health issues began and I said I was coming off HRT.

We were supposed to go off it Israel for a week and he just dropped it all.

I swear on my son's grave I have been nothing but good and supportive to him. Never underminded him and always did all I could to make him happy. He always said I was the one and he never felt what he felt for me with another person.

Go figure what happens.

6

I think your better off without him and deserve so much better to be honest. can I ask why you are having a husteroscopy ? I am waiting for one too for spotting and thick womb lining too of 11mm but still peri.i have had one failed attempt when awake and now I have to have it under GA XX

7

You said

"He always said I was the one and he never felt what he felt for me with another person"

I got the same speech from my partner and then she had a complete personality change, it's heart breaking when the person youve built a life with turns their back on you

8

Hey sweetie

Thanks.

I am sad but not in awe. I began seeing things that I did not really like such as the heavy drinking and smoking. 40 units a week plus going to the pub.

I just feel hurt because I have been so good and dedicated to him and then this.

During our trip to Spain I put up with his kid seeking attention and acting like a 5 yr old and did not say a thing while I was expecting him to discipline him but he would never. When my kid got her GCSEs results (secondary school results) she did not get the mark needed to take PE in high school and she was upset and he just told her u didn't study enough so don't complain. Any other mum would have felt offended but I kept my composure.

His heavy drinking and smoking started

bothering me and it has become excessive. Maybe I came out of a dire situation where the man is drinking and smoking himself into an early grave.

9

Hello

Thanks for your empathy.

I am having exactly for the same reasons as u 11mm and one day of spotting, so we r in the same boat. But being dumped when u need support is hard.

10

Yes it is. Although we did not live together.

I don't know. I think that the excessive drinking and smoking is a sign of something not right with him. He always drank and smoked but not as he has been lately. He is walking to an early grave but that is not my problem, nonetheless I have been so good to him u have no idea. His family said to me once that before he met me he wouldn't do anything with himself. Since he met me he did more that he had done in a life time.

Always organising fun things to do, concerts, trips but he just comes out with that.

My sadness is his lack of support and running away when most needed.

11

Yes I feel feel you I'm so sorry.one day of spotting I'm sure is nothing. ?how old are you? My gyn put me on progesterone to stop a very heavy period.but said being peri 11mm is only slightly thick so fingers crossed for both of us.🙏

12

I'm always here to chat Natasha xxx

13

I am 49 and became peri at 37. Post meno at 47.

Thanks for being understanding.

When is ur Hesteroscopy?

14

You are frightened of what is ahead of you at a time when your self esteem is so low. Normal at this time of life. But, you are worth a hundered times better than this selfish idiot. He has not given you the love and support you needed, then walks out implying its you thats at fault. Forget him. He is bringing you down and he certainly does not sound like a good catch. When you are ready, you will find someone who respects you and your opinions. We should not lead a life where we need to keep quiet to avoid upseting someone we love. Good luck with your op. You will be better for eliminating the bad things in you life. Now, the better life is waiting for you when you are ready.

15

Hi, Natacha,

You did your best for this oaf, and what, he became more "oafish." Congratulate yourself on the fact that in 10 years you won't have to kick this jerk and his teenaged mini me son to the curb.  

Everything he's done and does says more about him and nothing about you! Sounds to me as if he wanted a "Mommy'" and not a partner.  

If he comes groveling back, don't take him!  You're better off without.  Hold your head high and know that you've got better, more important things to do with your life, like get well, and show your daughter, by example, that you're a strong woman.  And, strong women don't need to be taking care of  weak, self centered men.

Let us know how you do! xx

 

16

Thank you.

All you say is right. And my girls are worried about me. Unfortunately the sadness is still there but I shall overcome it. I managed to bury my son and deal With his loss and then the collapse of my marriage. I shall concur this one.

17

So much love and support.i cannot fault the relationship we had a great time together. I believe his demons came back to attack him in the last months. I am not making excuses for him just being honest. The change I saw when I told him about the scan results. Even sex stopped then. The cuddles lessened.

I told him he was not born to be a father or in a relationship if at their moment of need he is t there.

I remember asking him if I ever got ill would he support me and he said of course, seeing as it as a hypothetical question. When the time came the of course turned into never mind u will be ok. When I got food poisoning in Spain he had to mind his kid and mine(not that she really needed it) but this as well became overwhelming for him. When with his son he never does anything constructive. All he does is sit listening to music, having a smoke and a beer while the kid plays Xbox.

I was the one always coming out with ideas and things to do. Never did I interfere I. His weekends with his kid and respected his wishes.

But u right when u say having to mind what we say is not a good sign.

As I said I buried a child and survived it, I will survive this.

18

There are no words to express how sorry I am to learn that you have been through so much!  You are a very strong woman.  

19

Hi so sorry you need support now, what a selfish man just when you needed him, sounds as if you have been tonice to him, so sorry about your loss you are strong and will bounce back soon, take time for yourself, good luck xx

20

I think sadness and uproar are a big part of hormonal changes at this time. Hormones control everything from libido to mood swings. I know women who divorced at this time in life. I feel for you. We all get it. Just keep plugging along the best you can. Eat healthy, avoid processed foods, exercise, etc. All these will help with the unbalance you feel. I sent you an email also.