I'm 23 year's old with health anxiety, from what I hear i've been scared of dieing all my life since i was really young. I had a cuson who was the same age as me, my mum and her brother (my uncle) was close so naturally me and my cuson played together alot. When one day when I was only 3-4 years old my mum and dad had to explain to me that my cuson wouldn't be coming back because he'd died (He was born with a hole in his heart, but obviously i wouldn't of understood any of that at that age) Apperently i took the news quite badly, spent some nights crying saying I don't want to die, my mum even had to go into see my teacher to warn her/him about it because of how badly i took it. It's wierd how i have a memory of been on the setee in the front room crying about dieing, my dad comes in from work and askes whats up and my mam tells him.
I think that carried on for a bit but it went a bit away abit for what i remember, until I was 19 year olds and one of my friends died suddenly, he was diagnosed with acute leukemia 3 days before he died but kept it a secret, first we all heard about it was his brother announcing it on facebook. It was only a few months later when I noticed a dodgy mole on my arm, and became obsessed with it, finally i forgot about it but after a few weeks i had my first panic attack. Que the next 3 years of complete anxiety as to where i am now, after diagnosing myself with multiple cancers, heart disease etc. It didn't help my uncle (the one who had the cusont that died) had a heart attack and died at 45 a couple of months ago. I manage to control panic attacks quite well, I've only ever had two.
How do people with deal with the concept of dieing? I just can't deal with thinking that we close our eyes and it's black forever. I hate the thought of growing old, even growing up fully. I hate how fast time goes, it doesn't seem two minutes ago i was leaving school!
I'd love to be one of these people that just say, when your times up thats it, nothing you can do about it. But i'm not, im scared of dieing. i've had people go to spiritualists where they tell you stuff from the dead and the amount of stuff they get right is just plain scary, and i think there must be an afterlife with all this they're getting right. I know people are sceptical about them but when you book in you only give your first name, so theres no chance they can research you, and you don't say anything when you're in there you just write it down.
Everybody dies, theres nothing you can do about it at the end of the day, why worry about something thats going to happen to everybody? I try telling myself that but it's only a few days go past before i start thinking about it again. I think being scared of dieing is the root of health anxiety, because if you wasn't scared of dieing then you wouldnt be worried abotu your health.
