Scared of my own heart, don't know how to cope

Mental health
1

Hello everyone,

I'm 23 years old, I've had anxiety for about 2 years now and I'd say I've coped with it okay up until a couple months ago. I'm not sure what has started it off but I'm basically aware of my own heart 24/7, I constantly think I'm dying or that my heart is going to 'just stop', it's not because of palpitations it's more the opposite like I think my heart is not being fast enough and it might just stop for no reason?!

Sometimes I'm fine one minute and then out of nowhere feel as though I can't breathe or that I'm literally about to just drop dead! It's horrible and I can't stop thinking about it, it's beginning to really affect my life everyday, I hate leaving my house and have even phoned in to work sick as I just can't go in because I have panic attacks and think I'm going to pass out or die at work or anywhere really!

I hate being alone! Night time is always scary as hell for me, sometimes I lay awake till 4am tossing and turning and just focusing on my breathing.

My breathing is another thing that triggers my heart worries. I feel like I have to force breathing otherwise I might stop breathing, I feel like I can't take a deep breath and the more I try the worse it gets.

I get skipped heart beats and waves of fear that I'm just going to go.

I've found myself doing weird things, like constantly googling my symptoms, I've downloaded apps on my phone to record my pulse which I use about 15 times a day!! (it's always normal!) and I ALWAYS have my hand on my chest feeling my heartbeat. Constantly. At work, at home, walking around shops I'm feeling my heartbeat!

I took myself to the hospital about a week ago, had an ECG, blood tests and they even did x ray on my lungs and there was nothing wrong with me it all came back fine. I thought this anxiety would go away after some reassurance but it hasn't sad

I'm not expecting answers but just to know that maybe someone out there has the same problem or some hope that I can get over this would be helpful. I'm thinking g of doing cbt as I cannot carry on being scared every single day that I'm about to die. I'm so scared of dying that I'm not actually living my life! I hate it and I know there's nothing wrong but I get scared of things like sudden death and just that maybe my heart will just stop, for no reason sad

Any reply would be greatly appreciated. Thankyou.

2

Hi Katie

I totally feel what you're going through at the moment. It has come to a point on whether I'm a hypochondriac or not. I just want to say that I believe it's better to err on caution. Meaning that you take a good level of check ups and tests and leave the rest to fate which cannot be controlled. Who is to say a completely healthy person will not collapse tomorrow? Vice versa, who is to say people like us can't live longer. Point is to focus on what you can control and leave what you cannot control. That is not your responsibility any more.

Btw you are moving in the right direction to get CBT. Regardless of whether you are Healthy or not , CBT can go a long way in putting your thoughts in the right place. As they say, harmful thoughts can spiral and manifests into symptoms.

3

I have health anxiety also based around my heart. Count my beats, force my mom and fiance to count my beats, everything. You're not dying I promise. I too have had multiple tests done. Mine was horrible, until I realized that When I'm active and happy, the symptoms are completely gone.. The minute I think about them, there they are.. Its a normal we have to get used to unfortunately. Meds, therapy, and walking all help. I know you don't want to walk or excersise when you feel like your heart is going too fast. (keyword FEEL like). Of your heartrate is normal, take a walk. Then count it when you're done. Then take it after ten minutes of rest.. It calms me now to realize that yes, heartrates may be high, but that is normal and they slowly go back down.. Watch a funny show, color, walk, call a friend when you're anxious.. Even bribe yourself if you have to.. If I don't check my heartbeat all day, I'll buy myself something I usually wouldn't.. I talked myself into such fear that I was checking all nutrition labels and cut out everything because I was terrified of cholesterol and heart attacks.. I can now atleast eat a piece of cake or pizza without panicking. Slow but steady. If you need to talk or have any other questions feel free to message. Night!

4

What advice would you give to someone if they wrote this? Im asking it as an honest and sincere  question.

5

You sound a lot like me!!

6

Hi katie 

to me it seems like you are going through the typical symptons of anxiety my love I have gone through all you have and even had chestpains mimicking a heart attack ALL is/was anxiety. Ive had anxiety for years but never as bad as this time I even had palpatations for over two hours one night. there has been nights when im woken up by a large thud and ive been unable to go back to sleep because I was waiting for the next thud or set of palpatations. I couldnt see past tommorow so I convinced my self I was going to die and leave my children and grandchildren behind. I am a nana and a mother so I berated my self for being stupid!!! yes I to became frightened to be on my own. 8-9 weeks since seeing my doctor and being put on meds I am a lot calmer I know the meds surpress the feelings so I know they havent completely gone, im on beta blockers too for the palps but know meds only mask it but they help to cope. I am now on the waiting wist for cbt because I think we have to change our mind set pattern. I have always been nervous/anxious but my doctor feels its part of my make up and its something I will have to live with Im not saying that applys to every one though. It has been intensified by the fact i am going through the menapause (even my doctor felt sorry for me) lol. I would suggest looking at cbt I also now drink chamomile tea every day I work with oils and meditate this helps to calm your breathing and distract. all of  these are helping me and I hope you can find something that will help you. like you I was fixated with my breathing my heart rate and this is due to fear you then wait for these symptons because your body is in the flight or fight mode. Your heart wont stop my love but stress can make you very ill with the right help YOU WILL GET THROUGH IT feel free to pm me if you need to talk I say this to others my lovely dont go on google that is the worse place to be on. come on here because everything you experience will ring a bell with anyone on here who will understand completely x

7

Exhausting isn't it? I've been going between feeling better and getting sucked into fear lately. Ugh.

8

I could have written this myself

9

I am sorry you are going through this.  I suffer from this too and have for many years.   There are times when I am constantly checking my pulse to see how fast or slow it is going.  I especially do it when I am in public or large crowds as I am afraid that I am going to pass out or have a heart attack and make a fool of myself.  

All of the other recommendations above are very good.....exercising, CBT, meditation.  I hope you find the relief you need.  It's a horrible way to live! I unfortunately just kept it all to myself and probably never sought the help or outlet I needed.

10

Hi Katie,

I have ever single symptom as you and am going through the same exact problems. It’s driving me nuts the past 2 weeks. I’m so close to quitting my job because I can’t stop worrying about this. 

How are you and what have you done to work on this problem? I’m struggling right now and don’t know what to do.  I lost my father 6 months ago and think this has something to do with it, probably fear of death.  I have been diagnosed with a Panic Disorder but am not taking medication yet due to a past problem . I’m lost right now. Please let me know what you have done and how you are doing now.

11

Hey Katie,
i am having the exact problem as you, like word for word. I know you posted this years ago, but have you found anything that helped? I just went to the doctor and my EKG was normal, but i feel like theres still something wrong. I have anxiety every day about my heart even though i have no chest pain. I just get palpitations and a fast heart rate a lot.