Schizoid Personality Disorder experience

Mental health
1

Hello, I have recently self diagnosed myself with SPD. I started having problems around the age 15-16. Best way to describe my problem is I have felt imprisoned within myself. This is only the tip of the iceberg because I am sure I started suffering much earlier in my life which is why I don't think it started out as SPD but formed into this later in my life. It has gotten much worse within the last 6 years as I have become more reclusive. I spend a lot of time alone when not at work but I enjoy being alone. I know its because I want to avoid social situations. Another reason I believe its SPD is due to my lack of interest in forming any sort of relationship romantic or not. I have never been in a relationship and have avoided all interest in one my whole life. At the moment in my life I lack a solid identity, selfworth, and have become hateful towards people in general but that's probably just me mirroring my anger and frustrations onto others. Proof reading this makes me realize how complex this has become because what I typed barely even scratches the surface. I have become very tired with life and I want to do everything I can to improve it before its to late. I am an open book so if you have any questions feel free to ask. I have a question : Has anyone gone through this and how did you improve your life ?

I am getting pro help with this very soon so I would like to know what to expect. By the way I am 30 years old and fairly healthy. I am not suicidal. I'm just stuck and I am unable to run away from myself which is another description of how I feel most of the time. I torture myself mentally all day long and its tiring. I think getting on medication would help and possibly give me a break but I don't want to have to rely on it. A break would be nice......

2

First of all. I definitely wouldn't self diagnose. All of what you described can be symptoms of many other mental health problems, the most likely being depression and anxiety. Though you may think one way you would need a specialist to really figure it out. And in general it's only in very acute situations that they will diagnose you with a personality disorder, as it can affect you even more having a label. I was told by my doctor and agreed with them, that I fitted all the criteria for Borderline personality disorder, but he didn't diagnose me with it, because that would've likely caused more problems. I've been socially inept at random times and frozen on the spot, been unable to talk, sometimes spoken to much, I overdosed 5 times at my worst point, and now have to wear long sleeves whenever I'm round my little cousins to avoid them getting scared of my arms which quite literally now look ripped up.

Now I'm not saying I'm worse than you. It's wrong to ever say one person is worse than another, but sadly that is the way a psychiatrist usually sees it...I felt very unwell at some points and medications I was put on made me worse until they found the right one. I've had a huge turnover this last year and though I still struggle everyday and get triggered very easily I'm doing much better than I did.

Don't self diagnose though...by the sounds of it you are unhappy with the life you are living, whilst people with SPD see nothing wrong with the way they live, they don't know that they can't form relationships well. Though it isn't the same as schizophrenia, SPD still has a degree of delusional habits.

My advice would be to go to the doctor, personally I think you're in denial that you are depressed. Not everyone who is depressed wants to hurt themself or die. There are many degrees of this.

Maybe anxiety is the cause of your struggle or disinterest in forming relationships. You need to find the route to why you don't feel you want to.

Good luck.

3

Hey Jesgilm, Please explain a little bit on how having a label can effect you and cause problems ? Even though I have lived with this condition(s) most of my life I am very new to cause and effects.

4

Having a label can mean you allow yourself to do what you feel is wrong because you don't think you can do any other. If that makes sense.

I'm not trying to be horrible or mean, but I got so worked up thinking I had certain conditions and though I actually met every single criteria other than one they wouldn't diagnose me.

If you get diagnosed with a mental health condition holiday insurance can go up a lot, even with depression and anxiety which I have been diagnosed with, it is. But if you lost your medication and needed some more on holiday, without your holiday insurance you couldn't go to the doctors and get some more. You could even get in trouble because you haven't declared it.

You don't seem to be a danger to yourself either which will usually mean they will be less worried and if you live in the UK like I do it can take months longer to get seen. 5 months for me even though I was hurting myself.

Everyone within the "mental health community" knows labels are usually a bad thing. It's something everyone learns over time but at that point believes is the most ideal way forward.

"In 1973, David Rosenhan published his landmark study, On Being Sane in Insane Places. He had a group of mentally healthy “pseudopatients” go to 12 different mental institutions and falsely complain of hearing voices in their heads. The subjects were admitted with some form of diagnosis, usually schizophrenia. After entering the hospital, they stopped complaining and behaved normally and stopped complaining of hallucinations.

The hospital staff saw everything the person did through the filter of their “diagnosed” mental illness. Normal behaviors such as writing were seen as symptoms. Each patient’s background was interpreted through this lens of psychological disorder. When they were released, most were given the diagnosis of “schizophrenia is remission.” The label cast a pall over even the most normal of human behaviors

Worse, when a hospital challenged Rosenhan to send it pseudopatients to identify, he agreed. The institution identified 41 pseudopatients, but Rosenhan had actually never sent any.

Sometimes diagnostic labels do more harm than good. When we learn of a diagnosis from someone, we tend to explain (and sometimes excuse) all of their behavior as symptoms of the label rather than looking at the raw, unfiltered behavior and its effects on the person and those around him/her. Further, if we’re looking for labels, we find them. That’s a classic case of confirmation bias."

I'm not trying to upset you, rather simply point out the facts and tell you what I have learned.

That's all I can do for you, I'm not a professional, all I can say is I've been in the system for my problems for 4 years and been mentally unwell for what feels like all of my life.