I guess I was lucky, since when the worms started crawling under my skin on my left leg I got to the doctor quick, and when he described perirpheral neuropathy that really helped me quit. That was 15 years ago. I went with the Old Milwaukee ersatz beer for awhile, until the worst cravings were past. My ex passed from lung cancer, smoked from age 12 to age 66. I quit for three years, twice, and went back to cigs. And both my parents were hard alcohol addicts, but they were both workers. I wish I could be of some real help..... I can tell you it's worth it, and you'd never regret having some extra years of living. Unless the juice has rotted your brain..... but you don't sound that way. An old friend of mine was a binge drinker. Usually he could go 6 months, a year, maybe more, until bang he did have his last binge, as you have suggested. Only thing I might suggest is can you work up a passion, a real fanaticism for something, anything, collecting coins, or pistols, or anything that has other fanatics talking and doing what makes life meaningful for them. With lots of laughter. Another long shot might be a cannabis remedy, an old chinese remedy perhaps. GW Pharmaceuticals kind of stuff. I personally wanted to reach old age. I had read of the old indians of India, who reserved old age for solitude and contemplation, away from family, looking back over the years, savoring the accumulation of all your experiences. And I remember vividly when I was 13, imagining how happy I would be when I reached retirement, and could slow down, and think.
Talk to yourself, get serious, ask yourself what you want to be in 20 years. We've been beat around in what we call civilization for decades now, it's a circus, to get us where? Am I happy? What do I really care about? Go, go somewhere for no reason, go where you wanted to go when you were ten years old, or twelve. I'm 77 and life is becoming better and better, I feel freer and freer.
One shot at it, that's all we get. All the mistakes I've made, all the miles I've gone, soon, soon I'll be back among the atoms and molecules, and probably be a lot happier for it.
"Their souls are naked and alone, and they are strangers upon the earth,
And many of them long for a place where those weary of travel may find rest,
Where those who are tired of searching may cease to search,
Where there will be peace and quiet living, and no desire.
Where will the weary find peace,
Upon what shore will the wanderer come home to rest? Author unk.
Tim, you can ignore reality, but you can't ignore the consequences of ignoring reality. (Ayn Rand)