Hi all. I've just joined patient.info and would like to know if any of you have experienced the same thins as I have.
I work as a PA, which I never really wanted to do because, as many do, I knew that I wasn't suited to it and I naturally shy away from speaking to people, one of the main points of the job.
Last yearI went through a really stressful period which ended with me breaking down at work, then suffering panic attacks. I end up being off of work for nearly 3 months with Depression and anxiety but returned to the job feeling like a new person after several appointments with a counsellor. I was also taking sertraline. Now, I've realised in previous jobs that I have a tendancy to start off well and start then go down hill. I get a talking to by my boss, realise what I'm doing wrong, set something in motion that should sort me out but can never stick to it. The same with the Sertraline. I accidentally weened myself off of it becasue I got out of the habbit of taking it when I returned to work. Started taking again to suffer the horrible anxiety side effects then accidentally weened myself off again. Now I'm in trouble with my job. I'm hanging by a thread and I know exactly the things that I need to work on to correct it but feel like I cant do it. I feel nothing, almost like I dont care. I need to get through this for my wife and little boy but dont feel like I'm going to. I feel like I have no will power anymore and need to get this right for my family, the problem is, it seems in my nature to stop myself progressing and ruin my chances. Can anyone offer any advice?
Hey Tony
I only joined the site yesterday and find it really helpful.....almost therapeutic!
Ok i dont really know what sertraline is so not sure i can give you any advice but you really do sound in utter despair. I to seems to mess everything up, almost like i dont deserve for things to work out! I feel like an utter faliure when i mess it up but iv been in the same job for 2 years now and things are going well.....kinda! im off this week trying to come off Venlafaxine, i feel numb to everything on the drug and i want to be me again....just praying that the "Me" stays happy at work! as i have a husband and 2 children and i don't want to have to tell them Mum is changing job again!!
I think you maybe need to decide whether your just not happy/suited to your job so you self destruct because it feels easier than sticking at it OR its a medical issue that is causing you to feel like your just not good enough ....which you most definitely are!
So your hanging by a thread??? in what way?? whats happening ?
hang in there!!
That sounds like a terrible situation, Tony.
It would appear that your 'issue' is deep-seated enough to justify long-term counseling.
I know it's easy for someone else to say losing multiple jobs to a single cause should be a wake-up call; I also know from personal experience how hard it can be to alter a long-standing pattern of behavior. Sometimes we're our own worst enemies!
I hope someone else here can suggest a quick-fix for you, but I doubt there truly is a'quick' solution.
To be honest I've known that I have this issue. It is one of the hard points of feeling the way I do. I know exactly what is wrong and what needs sorting, but I feel so much pressure from my own thoughts that I freeze while thinking about the task (if that makes any sense at all) and dont end up doing it. When I say "Hanging by a thread",I mean my job. I'm currently going through a procedure at work to see if I'm suitable for my job. On stage two going on three-out of four. Every month it is the same thing. I know what needs doing but dont seem to be able to remain positive and proactive enough to last the whole month. The stupid thing is, if I pass one of the stages then the whole procedure is over and I keep my job. if I dont pass stage four then I'm practically out of the door. Today I have a meeting to see how I've done and I know it isn't good. I've been preparing for Life after this job rather than trying to keep it and I think it has brough me back down. I do have an interview for another job tomorrow though. I'll keep you updated with what happens. Thank you for your replies, I think it is a great help when somone kind of knows what you're going through and understands. People who haven't experienced depression before dont have the same point of view as somone who has.
Morning Tony
Good Luck today and well done for planning ahead with the interview!
Have you spoken to your doctor?? You really do need to tackle the cause for this mental block you have.
Wish there was a quick fix.......wouldnt it make life easier! ((HUGS))
x
Wow! quick response! hugs appreciated. Just found out that my meeting to discuss work has been cancelled today, so temporarily relieved. At least I should be able to put a few things in place before the meeting now and try to show I'm being proactive. I can just concentrate on the interview tomorrow now. I think I should be fine in that. according to my counsellor (last year) I've become an expert in hiding how I feel and come across as confident.
Phew! U can do this! Write down what u need to do, I find making lists helps! Maybe even take your list with you? Let them see your trying? What's your relationship like with management? Can u talk about your motivation issues and perhaps ask for some support?
Not sure how my employer will be with me when I go back to work friday, iv been off a week and nobody even called to see how I am! Charming hey! I get on well with staff, they just have crap management skills ..... hope yours are better!
It was the same with me when I was off with depression and anxiety. HR did their bit and asked if there was anything they could do but the whole time it just felt like they were doing it becasue they had a legal obligation and not because they wanted to help. I didn't receive one card or message from my colleagues, despite something similar happening to a colleague of mine and everyone signed a card. Guess they just didn't like me that much hehe.
My relationship isn't great. I speak politely with them and pass the time of day but I think my problem is I spend too much time trying not to talk to them. so they chase me up about everything which adds to my stress. I've always shut myself away, kept myself to myself and generally have done everything by myself. I dont ask for help with anything either (another problem of mine)I have to be the PA they want but I just dont know how to be him. I think it comes back t willpower. While I was on sick leave lst summer I discovered I have the knack for Carpentry and Joinery. I have spent a couple of years trying todiscover what I want to be and I feel this is it. But now I feel stuck in this job and I guess I dont want to be a PA so subconciously I'm stopping myself from doing the job, but I need to do it to look after my little boy.
My head is a mess. now on top of that I have pre interview nerves. Grrrr.
Ooooo carpentry sounds good, personally I would be rubbish at it lol! Do u mind me asking how old you are (wont be offended if u don't tell me lol)
Depending on your age, finances etc, can u not look into carpentry courses and careet opportunitys ... your boy will be proud of his dad no matter what u do
I have one collegue that has messaged me every day! Makes me not want to go back as I think hr must just think im being a drama queen! Im not depressed, just withdrawing and uts honestly awful, can barely stand at times but I to am good at hiding thibgs as I dont think my children should have to see it! Trying to bake cookies with them is fun when the room.is swaying!
So have you considered counselling to overcome these issues .... u know what they, u jusf need professonal advice on what to do next.
Would
I've just turned 31. I've been looking into the courses but my local colleges only do fu;ll time courses or part time but during the day. As I'm 31 and have studied up to level 4/5 before I can't get any kind of bursary of help with the costs. I would be able to apply for a student loan if I was studying from level 3 and up but as I have no woodworking expereince other than what I have built at home, I would need to start at the bottom. The only option I have at the moment is dropping a day of work and attending college for that day. I'm open to that, I might get a job in an evening to make back some of the lost wages. I think if I can actually get this sorted then my mind will be clear to work. I've been trying to figure out what I'm meant to do with life for years and I'm so close to starting it I cant think of anything else.
Anyway, how are you doing? I've been ranting for ages and since you've been kind enough t respond to me the least I can do is listen to you for a bit.
You sound soooo much more positive than u did in your previous posts!! Yay ..... and u dont have to listen to meNot at all! I really like to talk people in the hope that something may help! Thst some element of my crappy up bringing and life experiances were somehow worth it because they help someone! Maybe I should seek a career in that field as I to have no idea what I really want career wise! I to am 31 (32 in june) so maybe this is the age to fall fo pieces!! UP is now the only way!
Yeah today ok, day 5 cold turkey! Get me! Not as fuzzy, still not actually left the house ( my sons walk to sxhool and bike) so although being out has never been an issue I woukd be lying if I said I wasnt just a littke bit scaref of working in a busy customer service environment! I deal directly with tbe public so YIKES lets see how that goes! I only work 3 days a week so it's not bad and incidently leaves me lots of time to.seek my path in life!
Sooooo what's the plan from here! U need a plan mr! Let's get together your career on track!
I am currently signed off sick with depression.I was sacked from a job I had for 20 years and then let go in the next job due to my depression.I cannot imagine ever working again.I find it hard to even step out the front door.My partner has just set his own business up which means I have to answer business calls if he is out.I almost have a panic attack everytime it rings.I cant even bear to speak to my family.Strange considering I have worked in a call centre all my life.
Dont trust employers,they do just "tick the boxes"to cover themselves.I am lucky to have a great GP but I
I have recently started cancelling those appointments.I take all sorts of medication and most days wish I didnt wake up.Every day I just dread something bad happening
Hey Teresa
You sound like your in utter despair 
How are you feeling this morning? xxx
Not good.I did have counselling today but cannot face it.I hate the fact I let people down who are trying to help me.I have had counselling for 2 years and it hasnt worked.
Sorry to hear that. You are most definitely not letting anyone down! What are you being counselled for?? low mood, anxiety, depression??
Has something happened to set your depression off and to make you feel as low as you do now?
xx
I have suffered with severe depression since losing my first job 10 years ago.I have self harmed and restricted my eating resulting in a 6 stone weight loss.I used to self medicate with alcohol but have managed to stay tee total for 2 years.I now stock pile medication,and often think of taking an overdose.I am in a volatile relationship with a man I met when I was 16 ,I am now 44.He constantly puts me down,gets very aggressive yet can also be supportive which can mess with your head.I also attend group therapy but find it difficult in a group environment,its only been a month so hopefully that will improve.
You're definately not letting anyone down Teresa. They'll understand that your emotions are controling your actions. I often felt like doing the same thing, often thinking that I'm burdening them with my problems but you aren't. They are there to help you. The only way I founf to get myself out of this kind of habbit is purposely making myself think different thoughts, saying positive things in my head and imagining myself to be happy. It's hard, I know. It feels like you're lying to yourself at first becasue you've gt used to thinking negative things about yourself but eventually the sun shines through the clouds.
One major positive step would be to flush those pills away, but you have to decide you're going ot make the positive step first and just do it. try to think of all those depressing thoughts associated with those tablets and imagine them flushing down the toilet with the pills.
I dont know if any of this will work for you for sure, but the only way to get through this is to help yourself. Make a positive decision and the first step is already out of the way.
I appreciate your commentsbut I do trust my GP and I suffered with extreme headaches prior to taking this medication so its not the tablets that are causing this and to be honest I am on that much medication which I have to take,so I will always have those available for an overdose.I am going to my parents this weekend and they cat wait but all I do is worry about everything.Will the dog get on their nerves .will I run out if things to say.will my partner start picking on me in front of them,will I be able to sleep,will I have to eat more than I want to.Its a neverending list.I used to love going.I also need my own space and I hate the thought of being away from home for 4 days,I just cant wait till its over.Then when I get back I have group therapy and I have missed the last 2 sessions so I have that to dread to.
Hey Tony
How are you? hows the work situation? x