I tend to walk a lot in daily life but always only with a destination in mind and rarely just to enjoy the benefits from it; unless I am with someone.
I’m not sure if it is my anxiety that causes this on just perhaps that I am I slightly reclusive: but I rarely go out alone without a purpose or to meet a friend, etc. I never go out alone just for the sake of ‘getting out’.
My GP suspects that I have an issue with my Eustachian tube caused by the virus. I think my issues have stemmed from an instant anxious reaction and the fact that I cannot quite believe it would last this long (10 months, now.) Of course, my disbelief has perpetuated it, which I can see now… I have not fully escaped my anxious state yet, but I am beginning to see a light at the end of the tunnel.
I have also since found out that this disorder can also cause headaches (as can my anxiety – ha! What a terrible circle to be in.)
I have been trying to think of why I immediately jumped to the conclusion of a brain tumor, and I honestly cannot think of why, other than the fact that my mortality suddenly became an issue. I have also reached a certain ‘age milestone’ – that point when you leave your twenties behind and – if you are like me – begin to think: “Wow…that illness IS a possibility, now!”
I have always been a hypochondriac ever since I can remember, but my saving grace has always been to think: “I am too young for that, it’s a slim possibility.”
Now I feel that, actually, I am no longer ‘too young’ to fall fate of terrible things…This combined with a family loss this year I think kicked it all off for me.
I know that something is wrong..simply because it refuses to go away and that is always a red flag. But it is not necessarily something terrible or life threatening…Which is why I am trying to take the bull by the horns and take control by seeing my GP and going to therapy.
Do I wish that they had of just sent me for an MRI? Yes… But I suppose the lesson I have learnt is that you cannot always get that definitive ‘OK’ to quell your anxiety… I am very much a reassurance seeker. It is a huge part of my anxiety and the basis for my OCD. I know this…But I feel my anxiety hides from my in plain site. Everyone can see it but me and yet it has been my closest companion since I can remember.
Apologies for the long reply. Hope you are well!