I’m 28, with 4 kids. The youngest is just shy of 3 months old. My health anxiety seems to dwell around cancer. I’ve been through the fears of brain cancer, leukemia, and lymphoma…then recently yesterday became convinced I have melanoma after examining an irregular shaped freckle on myself. I’ve attached a picture. Its flat, doesnt itch, bleed, is very small etc. However, it’s two different shades of brown and has irregular borders. This is the worst spiral I’ve been down. I have cried all day since yesterday…just looking at my babies and imagining taking chemo, being in the hospital away from them, dying and leaving them. I just cant handle it. I cant take it.
I dont know what to do or how to calm down. I made an appointment with my GP but thanks to Covid, its 3.5 weeks away. I dont think I can do this for that long. I’m in such a panic.
I wanted to reach out to you as I have struggled on and off with the same fear for the past 12 months. Mostly I’m fine, but then something will trigger me and I’ll begin my downward spiral of reassurance seeking which always does the complete opposite.
First of all, do you have something that triggers you? For example, all it takes for me is an article on the news or a sponsored post on social media. I have now deleted my Facebook account, only read the news if I’m looking for an update on something and have switched off all news features on my Internet browsers. This may sound extreme but knowing what triggers me and avoiding it is my best form of protection at the moment.
Meditation is a wonderful thing. It’s a great practice for grounding you and bringing you back to the present. We suffer with anxiety because we are living in fear of the future. The CALM app is fantastic and there are particularly good meditations on there specifically for fear, panic and worry. It helps me so much.
Anxiety is awful and when we are suffering, we hold ourselves differently which causes tension throughout our body. We then fixate on those aches and pains which exasperates them. A really good exercise which is included in the meditations is to focus on a part of your body that doesn’t hold tension, such as the hands and feet. You’ll be amazed at how quickly that ache in your head or pain in your chest suddenly disappears.
Despite all of the above though any changes to moles or a lump etc. should always be checked with your GP. Whilst something like that is scary, the majority of the time everything is just fine. And you too will be just fine.
Lori keep in mind how you panicked about those other conditions and everything turned out fine. The same thing is happening all over again. You are in a cycle of fear, panic, anxiety, overthinking, and self diagnosing. It’s always going to be some thing unless you break the cycle. I did that to myself four years and only made myself completely miserable! You can’t even enjoy life being in this circle. It causes us to keep spiraling downword.
Why don’t you get a virtual appointment if possible and show the doctor your freckle that you are concerned about. ?
i know it’s not the same thing as being at the office but at least you can get some kind of opinion. I was able to show a doctor a picture of a procedure I had done and he was able to tell me what he thought.
and I strongly suggest that you either visit a counselor or do virtual counseling! You need support right now! this site isn’t going to be able to help you manage your overthinking and anxiety as well as a professional counselor. You need to talk to somebody one on one.
This is affecting your whole life as well as your kids. I’m sorry you are going through all of this . but you have to take action to get yourself feeling better and out of the grips of fear because at this point it is totally controlling you.
the odds of you being a healthy person are greatly in your favor!
most of our thoughts are not based on fact or reality. They are not an actual part of you. They come and go and anxiety brings on negative thoughts. They are false. FEAR stands for false evidence appearing real.
i can completely relate with you because I went through the same thing when my kids were growing up. I had those same thoughts that you have and it drove me crazy! It was a complete waste of my life. Nothing bad ever happened I was just caught in that cycle of fear. I learned to finally enjoy my kids before they grow up and were on their own. But it took me a long time.
ONE thing I had to do was to stop self-pity. I would cry all day worried that something bad would happen day after day after day. Finally, after getting some help I decided I was going to stop the pity and start fighting for myself and for my family! You have to have a change in mental attitude and be determined that this is not going to destroy you! You almost have to get mad! I thought about how much I love my kids and that I would not allow this way of thinking to get between me and them! Be determined and be persistent!
I’m hoping that you are able to get the help you need to manage this so that you can enjoy your kids also.
You can do this. So please look into getting that support and make those virtual appointments. One with the dermatologist and one with a counselor. and wake up every day and tell yourself everything that you are grateful for. Because there’s a lot!
there are so many great meditations on YouTube for fear, anxiety, depression, etc. I listen to them every day and at night when laying down to sleep. there are also some great talks about over thinking. They might help you to relax!