Okay so I have so many problems that I don't know where to start.
I guess one of my biggest problems is that I am absolutely terrified of anything changing in my life (and I mean anything) so when I made a huge change by leaving high school and going on to university, I am hating it and I am suffering from frequent panick attacks. I have never really had any friends throughout my life but at least at high school, I knew some people and I was living a sad life but it was survivable. Now that so much has changed (leave house, live in flat, different city, noone i know...) I am having serious anxiety issues (even now as I write this). I have always had these problems but they seem to have intensified for the reasons above. Another one of my problems is that I am a perfectionist. what i mean by that is that if everything is not ideal, perfect and i dont get my way, then i will be depressed for a LONG time (you may think this is pathetic but please don't judge; i want help). Even when I feel depressed, sometimes crying my eyes out over a period of many weeks, I start to feel even worse because of guilt since I know that there are so many people in this world who have it worse than me yet here i am crying.
I also have noone in my life. this may seem hard to believe but I mean NOONE. Even my parents. I come from a family which is disfunctional and ruined (my brother hasn't spoken to my mum in more than 8 years, my other brother shouts at parents, i get into a lot of fights with all of them, my dad always fights with my mum and others even beating my mum sometimes). Both my parents are unsupportive and I know that if I tell my mum about this, she will shout at me and think I am pathetic and have no consideration so I thought that i would spill out some of my problems over here.
Thanks for taking the time to read btw
Hey john and welcome, sorry to hear you are going through all that.
I won't bore you with my life but I'm incredibly depressed and have been for years and suffer from social anxiety and just anxiety over anything really.
I too came here the other day to spill everything out the other day as I'm half way across the world and unable to get home for a few more weeks and have been extremely low and nearly resorted to self harm last week but I found coming here and saying how I feel seems to combat those thoughts of hurting myself.
People here are so nice and it's hard not having anybody that truely understands how you feel, I seem to get the same 'oh just grow up' 'pathetic' crap from people. I hope you feel better saying all that like I did and your not alone in how you feel.
I don't have any friends except a few I have known all my life and my family are incredibly dysfunctional and make me worse all the time, I can't really tell you what to do as I am worse than I have ever been but I thought if just let you know I'll be happy to talk as that helped me when I first got here.
Take care mate x
20/9/14 Hi John, Have read your message, firstly you are NOT pathetic, your being honest about your feelings of panic, anxiety, i was wondering if you may have OCD
please dont be angry at me saying that,. with OCD you carry massive amounts of anxiety , panic attacvks, like everything in order, some have certain Rituals like not touching door handles, having everything all ina certain way etcetc, the list goes on with OCD , counselling helped me which i did for 2 yrs once every 2 weeks, I often call the edinburgh crisis centre a free number they have been a tremendous support, tel is 08088010414 they are terrific listeners and are based at smiths place leith edimnburgh or the other one is breasthing space another free number, let me know how you are will you ? breathing excercises help, when you feel a panic attack plus just go with it as nothing will happen to you , i uswed to have them a lot but not anymore. talk soon John. Callum in Edinburgh