I'm wondering how many of us suffering from the hell of severe depression/anziety are also parents? I had a major breakdown and was hospitalised 3 years ago (when my son was 2) and gradually recovered to be really back to my old self. But these past 5 weeks it's all spiralling down again and I'm absolautely errified. My son is 5 now and I can't cope and feel so guilty and weak that I'm not the funny, strong, good mum I want to be for him. My husband is wonderful and has taken over a lot of things I just can't do. But I'm so scared how this is all going to go. I see no light sometimes and think about death and am terrified and guilty about what the future holds. I know I should take it day by day but most days are awful anyway. The worst thing is that it was all going so well and I'm torturing myself looking back how good I felt even at Christmas. and now I'm in hell. If i didn't have any family I wouldn't worry about not being here. I love them so much and it tortures me that I can't enjoy life with them and every moment is so hard to get through. I've been seeing a psychotherapist since my last breakdown and in fact it was a session on EMDR which triggered this latest episode. I have an appoint with the psychiatrist today to talk about medication. I've been on lexapro 15mg for 3 years and it's worked well but since this big wobble not. I'm also on lorazepam and clonazepam for slep which I don't want to be but otherwise I don't slep at all and my anxiety goes through the roof.
But I was just wondering if any of you are also parents going though this? It seems like a lot of people are younger and without responsiblities, which makes me feel even more isolated.
Thanks
Hi, I'm 32 and a single mum of five going through hell also, you're lucky to have a great husband that can help you.
It's horrible and I completely understand the feeling of guilt about the children, I feel horrible that Im this way, feel it's not fair on my children so you're not alone x
Hope your appointment goes well today, good luck, hope you feel better real soon xxx
My wife of 3 kids has suffered on and off for 10 years and is now only just recovering from her worst bowt so far. This time after trying 5 different meds it is seeing a very good councillor that has helped.
lorazepam and clonazepam withdrawel will be hellish and cause insomnia. If you dont take them the sleep problems may not be that you still need them just that your body is dependant after long term use. benzodiazepines are very hard to come off and I am surprised the doc gave you them long term,
Hi. Hope you can get the help you need too. How do you manage? How long have you been depressed and how severe is it? Are you on any meds? Take care xx
Thanks for your reply. I've onyl been on the benzos for a few weeks, but although I'm British I don't like in UK, where I live the docs tend to prescribe them for longer. I was on Clonazepam for 1 year a few years ago for a sleep disorder (which was linked to me breakdown) and I came off it myself pretty easily. Lorazepam is different though, more addictive. Problem is I was not sleeping a wink cos of my anxiety so they had to give me something. I tried mirtazepine etc all last time and none of it worked. I send so much strength to your wife, and your whole family. It is an awful, awful things this beast. btw how do you explain things to your kids? Is your wife able to do stuff with them?
My wife is now in a place where she can function again. She has some way to go but is improving every week. She couldn't function well for nearly a year though and that was really hard. The 2 youngest were to young to get it. My eldest was 11 so I told her the truth and explained that her mum has mental health problems which is like a normal illness except that it affects how we think and feel.
Honestly? Struggling to cope at all right now.
Been depressed for a long time but around 4 years ago is when it started to get worse, these past 2 years especially have been hell.
Im not on any meds right now, have been On 4 types, most recently mirtazapine, for around 8 months, But stopped them a few weeks back, they weren't helping and I was frustrated so I went cold turkey and stopped them, ive been reluctant to try any new meds as none have really helped me in the past but these last few days have been impossible for me so Im going to try to talk to my doctor again.
Thank you, you too xxx
Have you tried councilling? If so was it nhs or private? I only ask because none of the meds my wife tried helped. All they seemed to do was kill any motivation she had left and make her put on weight. She did councilling on the nhs but that didn't really help. Now we found a private councillor who also has a degree in phycotheropy and she has helped a great deal.
Hi, yes I see a counsellor, usually once a week, I pay privately, I was only offered group therapy by my doctor but I couldn't go, i can't speak in a group.
So difficult for you all. Life is so tough. Just wondering how your 11 year old took it when you explained, and how she and the others have been affected? I try so hard to act 'normal' for my 5 yr old son but it's impossible sometimes. I've explained that I've been having trouble sleeping and am more tired than usual and that he mustnt worry about me, but I really worry he'll be damaged by it. On top of that he's got cystic fibrosis but luckily is doing well at the moment. But then i panic and feel guilty about how the hell i'm gonna be any use to him with his illness when i'm like this. Sorry, i seem to have ranted, wasn't my intention. I'm very glad your wife is on the up with a gd therapist, that's so important.
I'm not convinced my 5 year old even notices. He's so intent on getting his own way about everything I think thats all he's bothered about. My daughter took it fine and to be honest accepted and understood it better than many adults I know.
It sounds hellish I don't have kids but know the suffering. Question? What is EMDR and why do you think it triggered your present distress. I have been taking lorazepam for 20 years now they have probably saved my life! but cause a serious addiction, all my best wishes for your recovery.
EMDR is a treatment for reprocessing traumatic past events. Often used for post traumatic stress but also for any traumatic things. But it kind of blew everything open like a Pandora's box, despite my therapist taking it really slowly. Before that I had been generally doing really well since my breakdown 3 years ago. i'm trying to accept where I am and not keep regretting doing the EMDR, because it torments me even more. maybe something else would've triggered another bout anyway, who knows
HI Becky thanks for info.
Your therapist is surely helping you having assisted you 'opening the box'?
i intend to start Regression Therapy soon but am kind of scared in case i cannot handle what it releases.
Why do we have to struggle with all this?
Again my best wishes. Take care.
Hello again. Good luck talking to the doc again, hope they will be of some help. I was just wondering how you explain the way you feel to your kids and how they deal with it? How old are they?
Hi, thank you, I have an appointment to see him on Wednesday.
I haven't explained to them, I don't know how, thought about it a lot but I don't know what to do for the best, Im not sure I want them to know, I try to hide the way I am from them.
They're 15, 13, 7 and twins are 5 x
Hi Becky,
You are not the only parent on this forum. I can categorically say that as I am one as well. :-) Remember that anxiety can creep up on you quickly, but if you get this under control asap, then it could end up going away again fairly quickly too.
I suffer from anxiety and OCD and am terrified that this will affect my 2 year old daughter - and also terrified about her picking up on my OCD tendencies. I try my best to hide my anxieties from her - including stopping myself doing compulsions I feel I should do - regarding cleanliness as I DO NOT want her having the same problem as me, so I will do all I can to make sure this doesn't happen.
I find myself feeling completely drained, with little or no motivation to do things . I sometimes have to drag myself out of bed and to get ready. I always do what I need to in order to look after my daughter - but somedays that's the only things that get done. However, I use the rest of the time to play with my daughter. This gives us some mother-daughter time and also helps to relax me.
When I am having a better day, I will do some household chores - but I have stopped being so hard on myself recently - instead of feeling bad for what I haven't done, I focus on what I have been able to achieve that day.
It's easy to say, but the housework can wait. When you are anxious / depressed and it is practical to do so, play with your son and try to relax. Little things like this can make all the difference.