Hi, I'm Matt and am 21 years old. I've been with my girlfriend, 19, for just over 2 years now and the whole relationship we've come to realise we're both to blame with our problems in the bedroom. I'll start with her: It didn't take us long to realise something was up with her and we found out she has vaginismus and her cervix is closer to her vagina than it should be. She also has vaginal dryness which isn't helpful but most of all, I think she has problems with sex mentally. All the foreplay in the world won't get her to self-lubricate and she says herself that her mind wonders. She also happens to hate hands so I'm not allowed to rub her clitoris with my fingers, finger her or lube her vagina directly with my hands as she feels uncomfortable. She has had 1 previous sexual partner and is on the contraceptive pill. Now to myself: She took my virginity so I lack sexual experience with other girls so I don't have anyone to compare our situation too and it only dawned on me when I met her that my penis was above average in size being 7.5-8 in length depending on where you call the cut off point and 6 inches around the thickest part. When we go to have intercourse, I feel like I'm using my penis to try and prize her open. It's highly likely that she will go through a lot of pain for me to fit and after entry, there seems to be another barrier that I have to get through. We've used a few different types of lube, both water and silicon based and tried sex with a condom and without. Once I'm in, we can pick up the pace a bit but she'll refuse to change position in case it hurts but she's always hurting for the following several days and inevitably, the next time we have intercourse. Its extremely rare for her to feel naturally turned on, it did happen the other morning however but the same thing happened. Very rarely do we actually have good sex but we don't do anything different. The advice I'm looking for is are there any other solutions? Are there particular positions that would benefit us? Is there anything I can do to comfort her? Thanks for any help, Matt.
Good evening Mike. I know you are looking for a quick answer. But who you should be talking to should be your girlfriend. She needs to see a doctor if you have not seen one. Not all women are into sex and she may have had a bad experience with her old boyfriend. This may trigger pain and to enjoy sex you should not have any pain. Talk to her and see what you can do to ease her mind. I grow up in the older days. I did not lose my virginity till I was 24. It was over before I new it. ( Oral first ). I got married when I was 25 my wife was 19 and she know more then I did. But we were able to do it 4X on our wedding night. We were married 22 years and I learned what she like and what she didn’t like. I found out she could not have a orgasm with intercourse. I had to do oral so she could have the first one. Then after that she was able to have a few more. Also your size should not matter. I was just reading about this the other day A vagina is made to take at least 6 inch. Some can take more. I’m built about the same way you are and she had no problem. Want did the doctor tell you about the cervix to close to the vagina. Did he tell you to try different positions. But you main thing is to sit he down and talk things over with here. Never force her to do anything. Anything you try has to be her decision. Good luck Ken
Hi Mattr , my advice is to move on to another girlfriend , I had similar experiences , and to be with an inflexible girl that is not very interested in sex ,adding rules after rules , conditions and limitations is a red flag if you want to have an intense sex life .
If you accept to have a minimal and restricted sex life than she’s the girl for you.
It’s not just the anatomical differences but her minimal desire for sex should send you running away.
I have always been insatiable so I immediately moved on when a girl started to put some limitations.
Have you tried putting a lot of (lips) chapstick on as a lubricant ? That’s the 1 that works best for me , best lube. Burts bees and EOS are the best
agreed you should talk to her, a doctor can suggest things to help with the vaginismus. ask about suitable lubricates to use. you don’t want to use anything that can upset the vaginal PH, also trying different positions may help. as others allow for penetration that isnt as deep.my suggestion would be have an open and honest conversation with her, and go to the doctor and discuss all these issues. do it together. but doctors can help. all the best