I'm over it. I've tried everything - take or don't take this supplement, eat or don't eat this food, get off sugar or have a little chocolate every day because life is short, get lots of exercise to lose weight or only a little so fatigue doesn't get worse, go to this or that doctor with a symptom, read this book, that website, etc. It just goes on and on.
I've decided that my gyn office is unreliable. It's a big practice and they're always grouchy and overbooked when I go there. The latest is that two different nurses gave me two different versions of lab results. When I went in with dry mouth a couple of months ago, the gyn ordered lab work on A1C, TSH, FSH, LH, and Vitamin B12. The web portal results were posted incorrectly, so I had to call to ask for the correct information. The nurse told me that everything looked normal. A few weeks went by and a different nurse called back out of the blue to say that the doctor had just looked at the report - yes, weeks later - and said my B12 was too high. They told me to stop taking my vitamin supplements - I'd also been on Vitamin D because my GI doctor said my level was too low on that. I have to go back to the gyn in a few weeks to get the B12 rechecked.
Now that I'm off the supplements, the symptoms that they were suppressing are back with a vengeance. I'm back to sleeping poorly, having that weird one-sided breast soreness that was gone, feeling sad and down all the time, and having severe bouts of fatigue. I have a full-time job. I am my sole support. In my mind, I picture myself being able to wash the dishes and do the laundry and manage my life, but in reality it happens only sporadically because I am too lethargic to do more than what I absolutely have to do. So everything gets done at the last minute, if it gets done at all, and sometimes I'm late to work and I have become unreliable in my own life. Everything is more than I can manage. I give up all my energy for the 40 hours a week when I'm working because I can't afford to lose my job. Everything else comes a distant second.
I know this is a rant. I just had to get it all out somewhere where people will understand. I try to talk to people close to me who might understand, but it doesn't help much. Every now and then, I have a few minutes of clarity when I feel hopeful, but it never lasts. I keep being told that peri is not a disease, too, and not to treat it like one, that it's just a phase that will come and go over time. I want some way to feel better that doesn't involve another supplement, prescription, doctor visit, lab test, any or all of the above, and still be able to enjoy life, because it IS short.