Hi lovely folks
The psychotherapist has said I need more time off. I took four days off originally and have been back for around three weeks but its just not getting better but worse. I am feeling like I've failed. I can't think straight and the anxiety is so high all the time making it impossible to function properly at work. I am so upset I couldn't just keep going and worry I'll never be okay again. Has anyone else had to go back off after trying to get back in to work? I really feel at a loss and that I may never get better again
Hi Rachel don't be hard on yourself. You give it a go going back to work which was a brave thing to do. You just need a bit more time to get better. Anxiety is horrible and I know how you feel I found it tough when I went back to work. Good luck Rachel and remember your not on your own. Paul
Hi Rachel don't beat yourself up over this, over the last 6 months I have been in and off of work. I go when I can and don't when I can't. Do not focus on the not going negative but on the "I made it to work today, well done me" positive. I once thought I would never be able to do my job again but a GP once asked
me, when voicing this fear, could you do your job before? My answer was yes, her reply, then you will be able to again
Hi Rachael
Don't beat yourself up over it, you have given it a good try. When I first had health anxiety I took 11 weeks off from work. When I eventually went back I did 2 days the first week, 3 the following week for a couple of weeks and so on until I eventually went back full time. I think I read you are on 30mgs, that's quite a high dose. I started on 10 and went up to 20 but the med was too strong for me, had to go back down to 10. I stabilized on this for several years. There are many people here with a lot of experience on this med, I hope they will be able to share their experiences with you.
Take care☺
Hi there.
I’m in the same boat right now. My anxiety has been so bad the past month, it affected me at work so bad that I kept having to leave early. Then I just couldn’t go back because I would freak out. Seen a doc, started citalopram. Haven’t been to work in a good month now. I still don’t think I am ready 
or if I’ll even be ready to go back to that job. I wish I can be myself again but my doctor keeps telling me to be patient. I’m only on week 3 on meds going into 4.
Is still very early weeks for you candy..be patience.the more you get irritated by not feeling like yourself the worst it is for your recovery..
Thank you Paul. I think I made an error in going back too soon beforehand. Four days was perhaps just not enough to really let the brain rest
Thank you Sue. That is encouraging. I appreciate the support very much 
Thank you Lina. When you say too strong, in what way?
Hi. That isn't long on the meds at all. Does work cause you the anxiety? I keep wondering if I can't deal with stress but I've been in much more stressful situations at work before and been fine. I think I just got ill and then everything seemed too much. Have you been on the medication before?
I’m trying every day.. 
I just feel so sick most days and it gets hard..
My Work used to cause me so much stress.. it was a pretty toxic environment. It was always crazy busy, and I was a manager. I became unhappy for sure, so I thought that was why I went down so hard with anxiety and depression. I had gotten a ear infection and then right after that, everything went downhill. Never been on meds before it’s my first time. I have terrible psychical symtoms of anxiety. I think that’s what I struggle with the most. I just want it to go away.
Hi Rachael
When I started on 10mg for health anxiety several years ago due to a wrong diagnosis, I wasn't aware of any side effects, I may have had them but probably thought it was my anxiety because they are similar to anxiety symptoms. My anxiety was so bad, I had giddiness, headaches, afraid to go out, jelly legs, vision problems not being able to focus properly, terrified of being left alone and I lost a stone in weight. I used to worry about everything. I never used to read about citalopram or went on sites like this, I just took the med. Sounds naive but it's true. When I thought they weren't doing enough for my anxiety I asked my doctor for something different but he said it would take too long to get used to a new med so he upped it to 20. I wasn't on them long , just about a week. I just remember feeling worse on them, generally making my symptoms feel much worse so I thought they were too strong for me so I went back down to 10mg. Knowing what I do now it would have taken several more weeks or a few months even to get used to the new dose. In hindsight I would have been better off trying 15mgs. I took 11 weeks off work so that's the time it took for me since starting them to stabilize on 10mgs. I wasn't great for several weeks after starting back work but I gradually got better every day.
Since reducing a few months ago and then increasing again because of the withdrawal effects, I am far more aware of side effects as I am experiencing them now. How I know they are side effects is because I wasn't feeling any anxiety up until I increased to 10mgs again and my anxiety has increased recently.
Anxiety for me has been a nightmare, an intrusion in my life. I understand how frustrated you must feel but I did get better on 10mgs and my life returned to normal. Yours will too. I only question whether 30mgs is too high a dose to start out on as I know I would never have coped on that. We are all different though.
I hope you start to feel better soon ☺
Thank you for sharing more around what happened to you Lina. It sounds like it was a very difficult time, especially with the switching in doses. It certainly is hard to know what the right doses are. I know at the moment I still have terrible heart palpitations and as a result find it debilitating in my day to day as it affects my cognitive function also. This may be the dose but I also think it may be that it hasn't had enough time to build up in my system.
I completely understand. The physical symptoms are awful and are the bit that I find the hardest - especially the impact on my ability to think straight. What I do know though is it does get better. I'm writing this almost not believing it myself but it is true as I've been here before and have got better. The symptoms do go and you'll wonder how you ever felt like it. It's a funny thing - when it goes you almost can't recall what it feels like or how you got like it. Perhaps it's the brain and body's way of protecting itself after the event. You will be better again I promise. Just as I will be! 🙂
Hi Rachael
Yes, I know that feeling, heart palpitations are horrible but so long as you are happy with your dose, as you say, it is early days yet and you will start to feel better.
Take care
Years ago, when I was first suffering from anx/dep, I had this experience. I had a breakdown, and had five weeks off my teaching job, then went back. But it was a very pressured school and I lasted half a term and then was off sick for the last two weeks of the school year.
It does happen. Don't be disheartened, you were probably anxious to get back and feeling guilty for having time off.
However, you're unwell. That's what you have to remember. If you had a back injury, you'd be off for ages. What you have is a disregulated nervous system, and that requires time and patience to heal, so you have to treat yourself gently.
With regards to not being able to do your job: I still do the same job that was part of the trigger for my anxiety/depression. And this is 15 years after my first breakdown. My job hasn't changed, I'm still a teacher, but I have changed certain things about the way I do it. Eg I know which kinds of schools I can't work in, because I find them too stressful. I work part time, to ensure adequate time for me. You may well stick at the same type of challenging job forever...... And you may find different ways to approach your job, mentally eg I just refuse to take things as seriously as I did before. Nobody is going to die if I haven't marked their book /done everything perfectly. I still work hard, but I put my mental health first.
You'll get back to work in good time. Just do your best to rest up now.
PS the higher the dosage on anti dep, the greater the side effects risk. So am not surprised you're feeling anxious. Give it another few weeks to settle.
Whilst you're off, try to find something to occupy your mind. Something creative might be good 😊
Thank you so much for all the good girl! ❤️😊 I hope you feel just as better soon as well! Be sure to take it easy and rest.