Sister depressed for 10 years, nothing seems to help

Mental health
1

Hello people! I'm 31, I have a 30yo sister diagnosed with panic disorder. She's been to all kinds of doctors for 10 years and nothing changes for her, even taking medicine.

She lives with my mom and dad and I live far from them, in another state.

Both my parents are very demanding and quick to criticize (they almost never have good stuff to say) and shes very sensitive.

She doesn't study, doesnt work, hates meeting people, she doesnt pick up the phone or even use social media.

She's never happy, she cries and gets angry, violent and takes on personal discussions about simple stuff.

I tried talking to my parents, but they're stubborn and they dont want to change.

Every time they argue with her she cries a lot and threatens to kill herself.

I've told her she needs emotional independence from them, since she's always expecting some compliment and can never take even the smallest of critics.

Told her she can't expect people to make her happy, since it's not anyone's duty to do so.

She stays home all day.

She's very beaultiful, talented, smart.

Ive tried everything, but when I talk to her she talks to me like I would never understand her mental condition. Like I am a complete ignorant and that everything i say is worthless.

I dont know what to do anymore. I wanna help her. What should I do?

 

2

You sound very caring and you have tried a lot with her.

I'm not sure what to advise but please don't give up on her. Can she move to be with you?

She must want to help herself even a little before change can be made Hun. You could tell her till you are blue in the face but she must try aswel. Does she want help?

I wish you so much luck. She is lucky to have you xxx

3

For some reason looks like she's miserable but comfortable. My parents give her everything she wants (material stuff) since they wanna see her happy.

She knows I can't give her all this comfort, so shw won't move with me.

Even when I ask her to visit me there, she won't. She wont visit anyone or travel anywhere.

I agree with you with the part that she have to want it first herself.

But how so? Is there any possible way I can help with that?

I am nearly desperate.

Too much fighting, it´s like my family isnt happy anymore...

4

Hi I agree she needs to break free from your parents if they are not supportive to her.  God forbid but if they passed away she would have to stand on her own two feet.  Can she move near you so that you can help.  I love my sister and would do my upmost to help her in any problem as I know you are doing with yours.  I think that once she is able to stand on her own with your help she will start gaining her confidence back.  Just keep a very good eye on her as she will falter along the way and need your help.  Good luck Ihope it all works out.

5

I'm not sure you can force her sweetheart. You can only support her through life . Ask her if there is anything you can do to make her life better. Tell her you are serious and give her a day or two to answer. If she says nothing you may have to try and accept it and wait until she cries for help xxxxx

6

Ite difficult to reply as adverts have covered the page. There is an amazing book written by Dr Clair weeks she describes in detail everything there is to know about anxiety and depression, there are many books out there and I have read many but always come back to this one as she is the only one to cover everything and does so with so much compassion, you feel as if she is talking to you directly, I have recommended it to many people over the years with results, I have spent many anxiety free periods because of this book going through a rough patch so back to the drawing board as they say good luck xx

7

Hey Rhian, I'll give it a try! I'm taking all the chances, thank you!

8

Exactly. This kind of thought make my parents desperate. They love her, after all.

And that too make them nervous and anxious as well.

She always refused moving with me or close to me, since with my parents she's got all the comfort I cant offer her. I do believe living far from my parents would do a real good to her character.

But on top of the financial comfort, she's also got a boyfriend at where she lives (in the exact same situation as her - 30yo, depressive, no job, dont study, only stays at home, etc). So It's really hard to change her mind on it, as i keep trying to. 

Every time i tell her something she doesnt agree she gets angry and cries and says I dont know anything. Sometimes she runs to her boyfriend as he always agrees with everything she does.

Pointing out im never agressive with her, ever...

Maybe Im doing something wrong? 

 

9

Ive never forced anything into her. I dont think if its a good idea either..

When I ask her things she simply refuses to answer me or starts blaming her condition or my parents or society itself.

Asking her and giving her time to think about it is something i've never tried though. 

Im always afraid or her thinking she's got no way out and do something stupid like harming herself.

But i'll give it a shot, Thank you!