So, I'm going completely nuts

Women's health
1

Hi girls (and any guys brave enough to be here)

I am 45 years old and I am not officially (self diagnosed) nuts.  having woken up this morning so sad that I felt suicide is a good option I decided to google me, myself and I.

I had a hysterectomy due to fybriods and schizophrenic and heavy periods 2 years ago.  Ovaries lef tin place.

My mother and grandmother both suffered excruciating menopause (requiring psychiatric stays) and it looks like i may be on the same road. I have been to the doctor who says that my bloods show no signs of menopause so (kindly go away) 

I am so say and down that I can hardly get up, I lay on the couch on my day soff and cannot get energy to do any more that fend for my needs, my partner is great and really understanding. I work two days but two long days so all others im off.. im so down that all i feel like doing is crying.

i feel anxious and this busy mind, clatter, 

The clatter and sadness are my worst symptoms, others i keep under control, i.e sore boobs, headaches, sleeping badly, with diet, but the clatter, oh my Go*,,,....... I relive every bad decision ive made in my life every day, it just wont go away, I feel such remorse and guilt for everything, decisions I made which I now go over 1000 times a day. Ive hardly room for anything else, its why im so tired maybe,. 

Any help please... ?

2

I'm so sorry to hear you've been feeling so unwell. It certainly sounds like you've got some hormonal stuff going on. The anxiety can get bad in perimenopause as a lot of these ladies on here will tell you. Can you chat to your Mum and see if you can identify with her and at least you will then know you're not nuts. It can certainly feel that way at times. I would suggest seeing another Dr, perhaps a female one and explain exactly what you've said on here. If you can't bring yourself to say it then print off your post and show it to her. In the meantime have a look at the suggestions on here re vitamin and minerals which can help some people enormously.  B6 and B 12 seem to help a lot of ladies.Also, eating a clean healthy diet will also help and maybe give you something to focus on. I find a walk in the fresh air is really the best thing so maybe try that too. If you need help and support, come on here it's so god to know you are not alone. Hugs to you xxx

3

Hi there,

So sorry to hear you're feeling so sad.  I can't claim to have had experience of what you are going through, but have you ever tried CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy)?  I haven't actually, but have seen one or two counsellors in my time, actually three!  All of whom have really helped.  Sometimes it's just good to talk, but it seems to me that if you are reliving what you say are bad decisions over and over again, it's no wonder you feel so mentally exhausted.  Perhaps you could seek help to look at changing the way you look at things?  But please go easy on yourself, don't beat yourself up, and try and just find pleasure in the smallest of things for now 😊.  Take care x

4

Thank you,

My mum and grandmother are both passed sadly, both very young, my grandmother was younger than me and died from a heart attack induced by mania (I recently got her death cert), so I fear that I may be on the same road as her.

I  have a good diet which does keep the physical symptoms at bay somewhat, but its the mental things which are my concern, its new to me (1.5 years) I know im not schizophrenic or mania as I am a forensic psychologist and know mental illness well (beleive me ive had some self checking going on) 

I feel right now that if i take enough pills my clatter will stop and i can be at peace. 

 

5

Thank you, i have spoken to someone, it hasnt helped really, its feeling so sad that life is unbearable soemtimes. 

But I do feel better after ebing on here, seems many women get this anxiety and sadness peri menopause, so I think maybe im not going nuts, maybe i need to balance my thoughts a little better.

I do feel under a little more strain than most, as i work in the metal health arena and should be able to handle it muuch better, ?

 

6

Gosh I understand! Had some of this going on the last 6 months...it's much much better now....so i believe it passes as our hormones start to settle down. I've had a lifetime of memories flash back to me...some i thought I'd forgotten. Honestly what I've learned to do is pray. Take every single memory to God and ask Him to heal it. Yes I'm a Christian, my husband is a minister, so he's always on hand to pray. Whether these are real issues, or just hormonal imbalance, that what I do. Been suicidal too, on the floor crying & crying for no reason. I've been so low in a pit of blackness I thought I'd never return from. But hey-ho things have improved & I know will keep improving. Even if it's not as quick as I'd like. You are not your Mother or your Grandmother! You are unique, you may have a rough time of it but you will come through stronger. I'm going to pray for you xxxxxxxx

7

thank you Brim, I do appreciate that, I am not religious so much but have had a word with the man himself this morning...!

I do look logically, (dads traits) and know I will be fine with right treatment etc, just hard when you want to cry and feel sad for everything to think positive in that moment, I do feel so much better, just was in the black pits this morning,

xo

8

Totally feel your anxiety and I'm not scizophrenic and as you can see for some replies so do other ladies. Therefore you could conclude this is part of the menopause, a change that all women go through. Of course your family history leads your thoughts down the panic route but again many of us women are ' panicked' during this time without family history. Why would your career route make you more able to self treat, I'm sure you are excellent at your job but when it comes to ourselves that's another story, even consultants need to see other consultants and often within the same field! It's no shame, it's just sensible. Try not be so hard on yourself, be kind and value yourself, this is the time for that. Keep searching for more information, I've only been on here 1 month and I feel so much more at peace, as is said its good to talk and of course to listen. Onwards and upwards, we can do it together!

9

Hi carpediem

I'm sorry you are going through this. I wish I could take away your pain. Suicide is not the answer to your problems. 

I have depression and anxieties myself and yes my menopause has been up and down at times. I am on medications i take zoloft, ativan, trazodone for sleep, I am also diabetic, and I take metformin, I have low thyroid and I take lvothyroxine, i also take one blood pressure pill losartan, i take vitd3 and a multivit. 

Yes at times it is hard on me but I pull myself through this, you can do talk to your doctors have your thyroid checked if it is low that can make you tired, take some vit b6 and b12 or an iron pill maybe your iron is down just talk to your doctor and see if you can get yourself a therapist. 

Things will be okay just hang in the big hugs to you and my prayers too. 

10

Sometimes looking after others..ie your job....takes its strain on oneself.  I am the same, stressful job, see some sad, tragic, awful things and because you are surrounded by it 24-7 at work, it feels like it is the norm.  but it isn't!  I try to surround myself with lovely things when not at work.  nature is wonderful for lifting the spirits 😊.  Hang on in there xx

11

Oh gosh....just seen your job!  No wonder!!!  Maybe you are suffering from burnout?  Have wondered the same about myself....very similar line of work to yourself.  Perhaps an occupational hazard combined with hormones?!! Try not to concern yourself with family history or you will convince yourself you are going down the same route.  But there is no reason why you should.  Try and be positive.  More likely to be stress and silly hormones! Xx

12

I completely sympathise with you as I have had similar thoughts in the recent past. Please go to your doctor asap and tell him about your low mood and suicidal thoughts. Things will not be better immediately but it's a start and there will be light at the end of the tunnel. All the ladies here will be a wonderful support but you need medical intervention also.

13

Thank you Angel,

Although I may have these thoughts I would never for a moment carry them out, I was just saying that ive felt the best way to solve the emotional pain would be to end it but I know thats just a permanent solution to a temporary problem, I have lived though a family suicide and would never dream of doing that to my kids..... but thank you so much, and everyone on here...xoxoxo

14

Oh bless you. I'm sorry to hear about your Mum and Grandmother. Definitely get along to a sympathetic GP . Xxxx

15

Lots of good wishes to you. Have you tried mindfulness at all. That can be helpful in dealing with the constant turmoil of going over things in your mind. It takes some time and practice but could be worth a try. Xx

16

Hi there, so sorry you are feeling so down, I would have the odd day of feeling awful then next day fine, usually followed by a period, not a problem for you but of course your hormones will still be going up and down.  Please, please, if you are in the UK and feel that bad talk to The Samaritans, I am sure they will be able to help.

17

Hi

So sorry to hear how you are feeling.  Everyone here is so caring and offering good solutions that have helped for them however I really feel you need urgent medical intervention.  Yes hormones can make you feel like hell but sometimes we go through bad patches that néed a bit more intervention than good eating, vitamins and prayer.  I went through a similar period to you, I was peri and not coping with things in life but I also have a history of family mental issues.  My Dr put me on anti depressants for a couple of years.  They were a god send and got me through a dark time.  Please see your doctor soon.

18

Thank you

Yes. I have made an appointment for next week.

I think the fact of feeling guilty for every bad life choice is driving me nuts. The main reason why I've decided to seek help. .

Thanks everyone

19

Hiya carpediem

You have my full sympathy. My eldest sister too had a hysterectomy (in her early 50s) and was prescribed HRT.  She was fine.

Unfortunately, not long after her relationship began to fail, our mum became very ill, and her mental health began to worry us, her sisters.

Long-story-short, my sister's 71 now, and has had L/T psychiatric issues/ psychotic episodes for the past 14+yrs. My other sister and I now look out for her, and get her help when we see very familiar patterns of behaviour returning.

Looking back, I now truly believe that one of her worse episodes was completely hightened by the withdrawal of her HRT.  She was in a Psych Unit at the time, and I vividly remember her sweating profusely, being really, confused, so on and so on. Don't get me wrong, I understand her symptoms may have been side-effects from her meds, but they were classic Meno symptoms too!

I know that GPs in the UK now are prescribing SSRIs/ADs almost straight away to deal with Menopausal symptoms, and that for some these alone really do the trick.  But for my sister (and maybe your mum and Gran too?), I think that withdrawing my sister's HRT and expecting her to cope with just anti-psychotic meds was wrong:I know now she really still needed them both.

I'm sorry I can't give you any real answers to your worries, but I certainly  understands your concerns. 

The impression I get about blood tests for menopausal symptoms specifically is that results can be very different at different times of the month/from month-to- month.  Do you think it might be a good idea to go see a different GP, tell them how you feel and see if they can run some more blood tests for you?  I know a lot of the ladies on this forum have posted very similiar situations to you, in that they present with almost textbook Perimeno symptoms, but their blood results are saying otherwise.

Chin Up Kid.  Know that you're not alone in all this.  And yeah, maybe a good night's kip might make you feel so much better. I'm up peeing 3-5 times a night, so have a real disrupted sleep. My ol' man woke me when he woke at 5.30am this moring, but by some miracle I went back off and slept in till 8.45am!!!  That's bloody unheard of.....but I felt good as I'd had a crap sleep all weekend (poor grandson stayed over and had a cough, bless himsad).

Sleep tight, and remember: tomorrow's another day (something I remind myself of a lot, because I always plan to start a healthy eating plan.....and never do!!)lol

Sx

20

hi carpediem

oh hun 

when your in peri your blood test FSH will more than likely be normal, it doesnt mean your not in peri, it happened to me, my doc said i was in peri and explained that as the hormones are so erractic that its more often comes back normal..

a women could have two FSH blood tests in one day and both would be different results in normal state as hormones so erractic ..

try some Maca 5.1 capsules (2500mg) they helped me no end in peri and still do now .

also have a look at this 

this may help you, certainly did me 

https://patient.info/forums/discuss/vitamin-b6-benefits-during-peri-menopause--273579​

when periods decline to say 3-4 a year then the FSH blood test will more likely state menopausal range but your not post meno until no periods for 12-14 months ..

try and stay postive, be kind to yourself sweetie, you can do it ..

your not alone and always come on here for a chat with us when your feeling you need one 

big hugs 

jay x