So, long overdue, here's my reaching out call because I'm losing it

Mental health
1

I'm clinically depressed, reaching my end stage and don't think therapy will work for me. Suicide is no option for me, but I don't have strength to help 'cure' myself anymore.

I feel like I should have written this a long time ago, considering I'm now nearing my breaking point after about 2 years of gathering mental illness. A little introduction for reference:

I am almost 21 and yet-to-transition transsexual. At the moment I'm working a 40 hour contract at McDonalds (I know, not helping either) and am aspiring to admit to a prestigious Game Art education.

First time I met with depression was in late high school and while I thought I had beaten it, it has resurfaced stronger a little after 2 years ago. Especially recently, with the pressure of the admission assignments of that college I signed up for, that depression has now manifested into something that's completely taken over my life and ability to function.

I don't feel joy in anything anymore, my hobbies are reduced to energy-draining chores, and with the loss of all joy in life, I lost the one reason that used to be my life motto: Having fun. 

Constant lethargy and exhaustion help preventing me from wanting to do anything other than sleep to escape being awake and having to perform the role of feeling-fine average worker. I can't even be bothered about game art  or art in general anymore, which I've already set on becoming my future career.

I've read countless stories of others and all response to them seems to recommend therapy as starting point. Thing is, not only do I hate therapy (I've been getting therapy for my gender discomfort for almost a year and it's been nothing but fruitless blabbing), all experience I've had with it so far has been hugely negative.

My parents would just get extremely concerned if I told them and I won't hear the end of it (I don't blame them, but I won't be able to deal with the constant concern) and despite being a nice man, I don't feel comfortable telling my GP.

Everything is stuck in my life, I don't have the strength to even fight it anymore and even suicide is not an option considering my family and friends. Everything is falling apart and life is just an endless, dark, emotionless tunnel. I really don't want to kill myself, but I also don't want to live 2 months longer like this. I have to finish these admission assignments but my current state prevents me from judging if I should even try Game Art as career in the first place.

I need help before I irrecoverably destroy my own life, but I really don't want ANYONE except my friends to know. If anyone has any solutions I'm failing to see, please let me know.

I thank you deeply for reading this far.

2

Hi. I'm so sorry yoyr life is in such a dark place. Firstly I would like to say do you recognise the courage within you to be openly transsexual?? You are clearly a brave and passionate person. Of counselling isn't for you have you considered meds??? Also maybe a different therapist or group session may be good for you. Do you have a good Dr that you trust and can confide in?? Please stay in touch I hate to think of you feeling so low.

3

Nikki

Do you feel that sexual confusion is effecting your mood or is it something to do with your life as a child, when at school, Secondary Education or your Further Education. I would advise you try and approach your problems by taking each problem and splitting it into workable bits this will help you approach each problem in easier pieces. If you get stuck move onto the next problem working through it in the same way, small bits makes bigger bits and sorting problems in this fashion will help you move on.

You do need assistance from your GP, you say you are unable to relate to this professional are there any other Doctors within practice who has an interest in mental health, talk to Reception they may be able to advise on a different partner.

A course of CBT may help you move on, sometimes they can get around not feeding medications although medications can help the CPN work with you to address your worries and concerns. Many people ith mental health issues will only take these drugs for a short or moderate period of time. Very few people will take them over a long time period.

See your GP and try and move on

BOB

4

Thanks for the reply Joanne,

The whole transsexual ordeal isn't a problem in that sense, I'm proud nor ashamed of it, the only problem with it is that the hospital that will have to confirm my need for transition won't let me. They're almost evangelic christians in regard to what a 'trans person' is, they say differently but they only take people who carry pink glittering purses seriously. It's at least a part of my problem, but at the moment I can't do much about it.

As for the medication, that's definitely the thing I want. I'm not sure if it's possible to get them prescribed by a GP in this country, I'm going to find out as a first step.

Again, thank you for your reply and concern!

5

Hey Bob, thanks for your reply,

Read my response to Joanne for the details, but gender dysphoria has always kind of been there and the only real problem it gives me is coming from the hospital not letting me advance in it. I'm having another meeting soon and I'm gonna propose them my situation and see if it helps.

Asking the reception for another person seems like a good idea, I'll try that one.

Medication is something I definitely think will help me more than therapy itself. But I'll ask the GP first what the procedures in this country are. Gathering the courage to make the appointment now.

Again, thank you for the reply!

6

Where do You live?? You seem to have a very good mindset re your genes transition. Like you said it is what it Is. However everyone has the right to be who the want to be and to he happy. I hope your gp can help you.

7

Nikki...I am here for u..,