Hi Deaver,
We're all different. We all have our own unique ways to deal with the downside of life. Regardless of whether we have depression or not we all gather baggage. The brutal side of depression is that it seems to take away our coping mechanisms. Thus the baggage seems all the more heavy.
I'm a talker. You're not. But that's what makes life so interesting. If you feel as if talking isn't for you, and there's nothing wrong with that have you thought about writting? I've often written stuff down that I am unable to talk about. I think it helped me in times of crisis.
I've mentioned his book in another post and would suggest you look at a book by Steve Peters called The Chimp Paradox. Steve has coached Victoria Pendleton, Steve Gerard, Chris Hoy and I believe Liverpool.
If you are suffering with depression or some other illnes / condition you do need to work to either remove the symptoms completely or at best manage them in such a way that the quality of your life seems acceptable. My apologies for quoting the obvious.
What I believe Steve Peters will tell you is that your baggage often seems heavier because of the way you perceive it. Now don't get me wrong Steve alludes to mental health issues as a malfunction of the human body. In other words there comes a point when you need to remove the malfunctions before you can begin to deal with the baggage.
I have some wicked baggage. Today it seems exceptionally lightweight as I have been able to remove almost all of my depressive symptoms.
Don't beat yourself up Devare for being you. None of us have any issues with you the way we are. And those that do have filtered their way out of your life and done you a huge favour.
Be yourself. It's really worth it. Don't try and be something you perceive the rest of us want to see. Be yourself.
Do you want to talk about your symptoms? As I've said I've some horrendous baggage. It doesn't get much worse. Perhaps you could just give a brief outline of where you are?
Do you take any medication? Have you tried talking therapies such as psycotherapy?
Let me leave you with something if I may please. I was absued up until I left home at 21. That wasn't my choice. It was the choice of my parents. I am not to blame for that or for the mental scars they have left. However, Deaver, I accept that ultimately it is my responsibility to reapir that damage. And I am getting some help in that area which I feel is good.
Nuttymut