Soberish for 3 years

General health and lifestyle
1

Hi. I've watched and listened to conversations for the last few weeks. I've spoken a few times over the last year or so after finding the forum on line. In a nutshell, I am a 46 year old woman, and drank heavily for about 3 years after splitting from a very abusive husband. Up until,then I suppose I thought I was a "normal" drinker, as in getting p*ssed ona Friday,Saturday night with mates in my late teens, twenties and then slowly progressing to drinking in the house as part of a couple or group of friends into my thirties.

At that point, in my early 30s my husband joined the police. And those of you who have been following my story will know that it didn't end well. He became a bully. He abused me. Not only physically but worse mentally and psychologically. Not just me, but my daughter, who was 15/16 at the time, who incidentally he had brought up from the age of 2. She thought of him as her father. She had no contact with her natural father at all.

Anyway, we separated. He left the family home. We had my daughter, aged 18 about to go to university, and our own son aged 8. 

we split.

our son was devastated.

my daughter was relieved.

im not trying to make excuses but, my daughter, who met my husband when she was 2 years old,absolutely loved him. He was a brilliant father figure. She loved him and vice versa. They were inseparable and not in a weird way if that's what you are thinking!

After my husband left, which incidentally, he didn't want to. I made him go. After 6 months of hell in the house. He abused me constantly. He broke into the house, he raped me, he trashed the house, he scared me to death.

in the end the CPS dropped the charges.

probably cos he was a copper and one of them.

after that I tried to "kill" myself 4 times.

how pathetic.

i didn't want to die. I just couldn't think of a way out at that time.

it has when I started drinking more. I drank 2 bottles of wine a night at least. But all that did was make me more depressed and more amenable to my ex husbands demands. If I hadn't had a drink in all that time, I swear to God, I would have taken him for everything I had got in me. Through the drink, I was weak. I gave him

d ne

my daughter 

 

2

Oh Liz.

You have been and are going through so much.

I sincerely feel for you and wish I could just hug you and reassure you things in time will work out.

You haven't lost, look at the strength you have getting this far, you have done well but can't see it due to all that's going on.

Do you feel you have numerous plates you have to keep spinning.

Emotion

Finances

Felling degraded by rape (been there)

Your children

Worry about your future.

Just try and deal with one thing at a time, that is how I dealt with all these problems.

Drink is giving him pleasure by seeing you being out of control.

You must and I repeat not go cold turkey, if you want to stop drinking Private

Message me.

I wish I couls hold your hand but I promise to be here foe you no matter what.

With love, Linda xxx

3

Hi Liz.

I am lucky enough to have avoided the sort of experiences you have had and are having and yet I still drink too much.

You were very brave to finally make the decision to separate from your husband. Sometimes you need the crutch of some bad habit to get through these difficult times. I am no expert, but I keep saying to myself "is this how I want to live life  until I die" which is going to happen unless we do something now, or "am I going to sort myself out and make the best of my life"? We aren't currently choosing on a daily basis to take option 1. We need to take option 2. It is difficult to do this on your own especially when you are also responsible for other people. We all need someone to look after us, but at the end of the day, we are the only ones who can change things for the better.  I hope you get some help. My G.P has given me a number to contact for help to reduce my drinking habits. It sounds like you need to deal with deeper problems before this can be possible. Your G.P should be able to help with this as well. Make a promise to yourself and call them on Monday. x

4

Hi Liz I've followed your posts on this forum and have every sympathy for you. Your husband was a bully and bullies are cowards. He

 tried to control you and in a way, you played into his hands by drinking. He seems to have used your weak spot (alcohol) to his advantage to make you feel as if you're the one with the problem. In other words he used your problem to enable him to make you think everything was you're fault and so he had to be in control.

5

Dear Liz. Please do not ever think of yourself as weak... you must have. Had remarkable strength to have coped with such turmoil for such a very long time, I admire you greatly, many of us drink as a coping took. So think of yourself as a survivor, never a failure..... you have children who must love you very, very much and are very proud of you...

I SINCERELY hope that you find peace of mind, you deserve to.. you will be in all our thoughts xxx take care of yourself and your family... life will get better for you, it has too.. heartfelt wishes to you all... Deirdre xx