Some have said I have Anxiety and some OCD. What do you think?

Mental health
1

Hello everyone,

Firstly. Thank you for taking the time to read this post. Secondly. I would appreciate any of your opinions or advice.

I have been suffering from an unusual problem since (that I can recall at least) around the age of nine. It's hard to articulate what I experience, mostly because I don't precisely know what it is, although I categorise it as intrusive thoughts. I will try my best to explain

So essentially I imagine (as does everyone) certain situations or scinarious in my head. However when I imagine these ideas, situations or scinarious I imagine them taking place at an accelerated rate of speed. Almost like old black and white films from the early 1900s, or similar to time lapse videos. I can imagine or obsess over songs, theme tunes, scenarios I am in, or even random images - for example a boy riding his bike. Except I will imagine these taking place very very fast.

I will try to distract myself when they overwhealm me by watching TV, looking on the internet or writing on a fourm such as this. However that only offers a brief relief, with very little else helping me to overcome it. Eventually it will pass over and become less severe, and afterwards proving to be of little hindrance to my life.

It can last moments, hours, days, weeks and sometimes months (at least 5 times) and it usually happens unexpectedly. I tend to be able to think about nothing other than these fast thoughts, which causes me excessive anxiety. Lack of sleep, lack of concentration and motivation. It can cause me to feel (odd ocassions be) sick etc.

I have a supportive girlfriend but it's hard for anyone to truly understand. I had counselling around the age of fifteen, which did very little to help if I'm being honest. I know it's a weird problem, and I can distinguish the thoughts from reality, yet it still causes me such Anxiety, depression and darkness. The last word was perhaps a little bleak.

I was hit by a car when I was younger and saw a plane crash around a similar time. I believe this started the thoughts but I no longer have any fear around either vehicle. I frequently visit airshows, travel by planes and drive a car. So essentially just my own obsessive thoughts cause me so much distress. Although my last really bad "attack" that lasted several months was at the end of 2015.

My apologies if I have rambled. I would love to hear your thoughts.

Many thanks

Lost and Wandering

2

Does sound like OCD to me. I have obsessive and intrusive thoughts of scenarios in my head as well. I usually imagine upsetting scenarios that are things that bother me or get me angry or upset. I think it is OCD a form of anxiety. I also have problems with over organizing and if my things are not i feel at a loss.

3

Hi, you might want to look into “pure-O” OCD. It is ocd without the rituals. Its basically exactly as you describe. I have been through it. I didnt get treatment, just over a period of years i learned how to completely accept the thoughts and desensitize my mind to them. So its the fear of them and the trying to fight them or run away from them that keeps them coming. Maybe do some research about strategies for this online. I tackled mine with an online support group that is sadly no longer around. But Im sure there are plenty out there. :-) 

4

I have researched on and off for years (usually only during long anxiety 'episodes&#39 and have found nothing the same as what I suffer. However the very nature of intrusive thoughts are exactly what I experience, although my specific thoughts do vary heavily from the usual three categories, highlighted in most OCD cases. This is why I have always been sceptical of what I actually have. I believe it may have started out as a form of PTSD and developed into OCD as I became older. It is a rather unusual issue that I suffer from, well the thoughts are at least. Thank you for your response to my question.

5

Thank you for your reply. I have looked up "pure O" OCD and it is very similar to my situation. Actually nothing else I have looked into has come as close. Although I understand intrusive thoughts in OCD (including pure O) fit into the following three categories:

1. Harmful thoughts to oneself or another individual.

2. Innapropriate sexual thoughts.

3. Religious or blasphemous thoughts.

Which go against the individuals actual personality. In CBT you are guided to understand that you will not act on these thoughts, learning techniques to suppress the negative reaction to these thoughts.

My concern has almost been about how those examples apply to me. I imagine (say an individual riding a bike) happening very fast, I can't shake the thought, and will do my up most to distract myself from it, including avoiding anything that may trigger a reaction. However my thoughts are not about myself or another individual (they can be on odd ocassions) so I cannot apply all of the rules used to tackle the big 3 intrusive thought categories.

I just for some reason have a negative mental reaction (my anxiety) to these fast intrusive thoughts, although I am not entirely sure why the cause this reaction, since they are only thoughts. I have wondered if it is because of a sensation of feeling out of control due to the pace. Maybe I'm wrong though.

I really appreciate your honest reply and will look into this further. I am trepedatious about help, but that's because I am negative and believe I am beyond help. I hope I am wrong of course.

Thank you

6

I do wish that old website was still running. Its so useful to get a variety of experiences and share with others about this. Those are the big 3 categories, but I can say that there is basically no limit to what forms OCD can take and I have heard all sorts of types that wildly differ from those categories. So it basically anything that bothers you or that your mind has attributed unwarranted importance to. So most people have completely strange random thoughts, but they just pass by and they dont think about them. In OCD you have a reaction to the thought and it gets very connected to your anxiety (which is the root of ocd) and so the thought continues and snowballs. Its the avoidance that strengthens it actually. So avoiding your triggers seems perfectly reasonable, but it will not work for ocd. It will make it worse. You actually need to lean into your triggers and it will get worse before it gets better. I know none of this makes sense... it took me ages to wrap my head around it and even longer to start making these changes. I would encourage you to seek professional help if you can as it may make the process less confusing and may speed your recovery. But believe me, you can recover! 

7

Thank you once again for your reply. I am trying to research as much about Pure O OCD as possible to further understand how complex it is. It comes and goes is waves, the thoughts can occupy me for months (on and off) then fade to very little for a year or two. It's entirely random and sporadic, and can be made worse if certain things set it off. I have suffered from these thoughts (they're all similar in nature) since the age of nine and always cause me distress. I always worry how it will effect me in the future, some days I can cope well and others not particularly well at all, especially during the night as I try to sleep. I have aims in life to eventually be a good husband and father, and threat that these thoughts will affect that.

You're right I do need to seek professional help. I also fear that treatments won't work, only making these issues last longer but without the tantalizing reassurance of hope. Hence why I am trying to research as much as possible, since what I suffer from is more abnormal than the standard intrusive thoughts.

I appreciate your comments and love hearing success stories in which a person learns to manage their thoughts to become more healthier and happier.