Some lonely depression help?

Mental health
1

Hi everyone,

I'm new to this forum, and a bit nervous but was wanting some help. Im 22 now and depressed, I was on citalopram up to last year ( I came off them in october). However things havent been going so well, I got made redundant last sunday as my work closed down and have now no friends at all. Whenever I had my depression for a few years, I cut myself off from everyone and drifted away from my friends, I havent really made any new ones, I get nervous talking to people and also (if this makes sense) I get scared of getting close to people because I dont want to get hurt or lose people. I feel like im on a very slippery slope at the minute, I just keep sinking lower and lower and to be honest, im really lonely...and now unemployed :-( do any of you guys have any tips on how to cope with this? Or even just how to simply make any friends?

Thanks

2

Hi Racherz, I can only give you advice that worked for me, hopefully it might work for you. Try to take each day a day at a time. Don't try to force things to happen especially if you are not ready and so much has happened to you recently. Give yourself time to think and find your feet in the present. Try not to dwell on what has happened, there is nothing that can be done for the past. Nice and slow worked for me, discover what your strengths are and use them to move forward when ready to do so. It is not the end of the world and better times will come to you. Time, patience and kindness to yourself . see your GP if you start to find things getting difficult around you. Hope this helps.

3

Hi Phillip, thanks for replying. It just seems like everythings falling apart at the minute, I find it so very hard to keep myself positive at times because I fear that something bad is going to happen again to bring me down. It can just all be very overwhelming. I will try your advice thank you.

4

Hello, I had the same problem as I went to university graduated but my career didn't go the way I planned, I was out of work started to believe I had no one, my confidence dropped to an all time low, it felt like my family didn't care about me, I was very nervous in terms communicating with others, I'd lost contact with friends, because everyone found me boring, after 5 years in unemployment and depression, my life started to change as I got into work, even though my family have forgotten about me altogether, I've been working in a full-time permanent job for 8 months, my second job in my work career in the space of 2 years, due to depression.

But one thing is remain confident your at a young age, think about your strengths eradicate the weaknesses, a person in depression forgets about the good things in life, as Phillip 'give yourself time to think', to decide what career path you want to take your at a young age, join up to a few recruitment agencies local to you, you'll find work all in good time. Find someone with whom you can share your thoughts with.

5

Hi Rachel

I know exactly how u feel, i too lost my job and been out of work since January. I've hit a all time low, and know exactly how hard it is to socialise especially with new people. I'm on antidepressants at the moment getting side effects. Getting better but feel like a ticking bomb and really dont want to sink as low as I was. All i can suggest is when you feel like this you do feel lonely but you tend to think you have no one but you probably do. Try and think positive and not negative, i find looking at old photos has helped me cos you start to realise happy moments. If you haven't got any friends your young get out there start a whole new chapter and make memories. I'm 28 and i rarely have friends but found talking on this site has helped a lot. :-) xx

6

Hi Racherz, Have you heard of `normal sadness'? From what you have said it looks like that's your problem. You've been clobbered by things in your life and are feeling overwhelmed.' Look back over your life to a place where things looked OK or even good. Ask yourself, `what changed,' then make lists of the things you did well and another list of things that didn't go so well. Place the lists side by side to compare them. What would you find? More good than bad I suspect but it doesn't matter, you have something to work with. Then check out the self-help movement groups in and around your area? You can probably find some in the first few pages of the phone book, others will be on line. They will include anxiety groups; social anxiety groups; depression groups, and can include lifestyle groups eg coffee mornings, art gallery visits, writers' groups. Mostly they are people who are or have been in your position and can be very supportive. You may have to check out a few before finding the right one for you but that's up to you. You might even be able to get together on line. I'm old and not too au fait with the technology.

Then there are counsellors who may be able to help you talk through some of your reactions and help you learn ways to deal with set backs. I don't know your set-up, (I live in Australia), so costs have to be considered. Sometimes the health system helps, or even fully pays, for counselling services. There is also a good deal of literature on how to negotiate the rapids of early adulthood. Some self-help books by Jay Haley, among others, might be useful. There are also peer group associations (eg MIND-UK) that might be able to find other avenues for help.

You have made it off the drugs so that is an indication of your strength and confidence for a start. They don't work for most people anyway, and if a doctor tells you that you have a `chemical imbalance in the brain', leave. It is probably caused by the drugs. There's no science for it and it was ditched as an idea by ALL responsible authorities years ago. Happiness does not come in a pill. Gaining it can be hard work. At 22 you have a lot of time to learn how to get there. Contacting this forum is a reaching out, so you have some of the skills already. There are a few really easy and effective ways to get it together, at least for a bit.

1) Exercise. Walk. Believe it or not it helps. Try to go out every day, walk down streets you've never been to, walk in the rain, kick autumn leaves, buy a yellow flower...

2) Catch a train to the countryside and/or the seaside and look around you as you walk. Talk to the trees, the birds, even a naughty squirrel can lift your mood, even if it is only for a short time. If it does you then can say `I felt better because of something I did'. You now have a handle.

I'm not saying `pull yourself together and get on with it'. I've been there and that is glib nonsense. If it was that easy there would have been no replies on this web-site. It's hard and it hurts but it isn't a life sentence.

Also get yourself checked out physically. There are measurable physical problems that can mimic and/or cause psychological problems, such as a `slow' thyroid or some metabolic issues. Even some vitamin deficiencies can be a problem. Everyone should sort that out first. I knew a lady who had `shock treatment' for bipolar when she actually had 4 brain tumours. The doctor didn't look. So, good luck with all that. Keep looking for practical ways to get better. Though you won't believe it, it is lucky you came down with this now, (of course `lucky' would mean you never had it at all), but the `help' developments happening right now are doing a really good job.

I was a counsellor in the olden days. These are a few things that I worked with, there are lots of others. Good Luck, deeeo

7

I think you have made the common mistake of coming off your meds too soon. I have already mentioned this in other threads, have you read any of the other threads under depression? Please do as there is a lot there that you could find encouraging. When you think you are better and stop the meds that is too soon; you need a long period of feeling better, really on top of everything, before considering stopping the drug. You should also discuss it with your GP.

The first thing to do now is to go back to your GP; mention anxiety which appears from what you say to be part of the problem. It may be that citalopram is not the best drug for you and there is a very wide range available. Whenever you get a drug do go back to your GP if you think it is not working or that you have serious side effects. I say serious because when we read the leaflet it seems that every possible thing is set out there. You have to use some common sense about what might really be a side effect.

The next point concerns your general health. To face your anxieties you need to be in good physical health. If you feel down at any time one of the best things to do is to go out for some fast walks, with a target. Aim to do better every time. When you are in good physical health that is a great boost to conquering the negative thoughts you are having. Indeed, in my experience, unless you are in good physical health you cannot make much progress with mental health issues. Being in good health also gives you more confidence. Try all of this and see how you get on.

8

Hi Racherz, I actually sent this yesterday but I stupidly included a web address, now deleted. I disagree with jaguar about the meds. There is now almost complete agreement across scientific and responsible medical opinion that the anti-depressants don't work. With an over 80% placebo response means that `sugar pills' are just as effective as any of them, including the old tricyclics, unless you become psychotic, when you MIGHT have a 20% chance of getting some help from them. Not good and nobody knows what those chemicals are actually doing inside your head. (And nobody DOES know). There is more and more info coming in that bad things are happening in there. There is NO SCIENCE whatsoever that supports depression or any other mental diagnosis being a physical disorder in the brain. If it was we should be talking to neurologists. Right from the beginning their performance was poor and when ALL the info came out via FOI legislation in the early 2000s, that included the trials the Big Pharmas kept quiet about, the results were even more dismal.

I'm sorry jaguar, but it's back to the drawing board. The wide range is a wide range of certain brain involvement for little, if any therapeutic effect.

Be very careful with GPs, they don't get the luxury of reading all the literature, but they should know this. It's been around for at least 10 years. if a doctor tells you that you have a `chemical imbalance in the brain', leave. There's no science for this idea and it was ditched as an idea by ALL responsible authorities years ago. (See Royal College of Psychiatrists 2012, `It's an urban myth', they said). There are last ditch stands to keep depression medical. We can sell you happiness they might say, but happiness does not come in a pill. Gaining it can be hard work. At 22 you have a lot of time to learn how to get there. Contacting this forum is a reaching out, so you have some of the skills already. That you have made it off the drugs is another indication of your strength and confidence.

Have you heard of `normal sadness'? From what you have said it looks like that's at least part of your problem. You've been clobbered by things in your life and are feeling overwhelmed. Look back over your life to a place where things looked OK or even good. Make lists of the things you did well and another list of things that didn't go so well. Place the lists side by side to compare them. What will you find? More good than bad I suspect but it doesn't matter, you have something to work with. Ask yourself, `what changed?'

Check out the self-help movement groups in and around your area? You can probably find some in the first few pages of the phone book, others will be on line. They will include anxiety groups; social anxiety groups; depression groups, and can include lifestyle groups eg coffee mornings, art gallery visits, writers' groups. Mostly they are people who are or have been in your position and they can be very supportive. You may have to check out a few before finding the right one for you but that's up to you. You might even be able to get together on line, as you are now.

There are counsellors, too, who may be able to help you talk through some of your reactions and help you learn ways to deal with set backs. I don't know your set-up, (I live in Australia), so costs have to be considered. Sometimes the health system helps, or even fully pays, for counselling services. There is also a good deal of literature on how to negotiate the rapids of early adulthood. There are also peer group associations (eg MIND-UK) that might be able to find other avenues for help.

There are a few really easy and effective ways to get it together, at least for a bit.

1) Exercise. We're together on this, Jaguar. Walk. Believe it or not it helps. Try to go out every day, walk down streets you've never been to, walk in the rain, kick autumn leaves, buy a yellow flower...

2) Catch a train to the countryside and/or the seaside and look around you as you walk. Talk to the trees, the birds, even a naughty squirrel can lift your mood, even if it is only for a short time. If it does you then can say `I felt better because of something I did'. You now have a handle.

I'm not saying `pull yourself together and get on with it'. I've been there and that is glib nonsense. If it was that easy there would have been no replies on this web-site. It's hard and it hurts but it isn't a life sentence.

Also get yourself checked out physically. There are measurable physical problems that can mimic and/or cause psychological problems, such as a `slow' thyroid or some metabolic issues. Even some vitamin deficiencies can be a problem. Everyone should sort that out first. I knew a lady who had shock treatment for an `atypical' bipolar disorder when she actually had 4 brain tumours. The doctor didn't look. So, good luck with all that. Try to keep looking for practical ways to get better. Though you won't believe it, it is lucky you came down with this now, (of course `lucky' would mean you never had it at all), but the `help' developments happening right now are looking really good.

I was a counsellor in the olden days. These are a few things that I worked with, there are lots of others. Good Luck, deeeo

9

Hi Rach...i agree with Philip...p.s...stay in touch on here...your not alone x

10

Another little thought, Racherz.

Do you have, yourself, a friend, a relative, a neighbour who has a cat or a dog? Sometimes, even during verybad times, a pet or even the memory of a pet, just thinking of something sweet and soft, and even better, a funny moment, can raise the spirit just a fraction, peace for a moment. I was in a clinic one time, bad times for everyone. Someone started talking about her dog. Within minutes there was laughter. Silent people, deeply miserable (in-patients), joined in. For an hour there were stories, and dare I say it, happiness in very dark places. Without any change in meds. So, if the memory of a dog or a cat, a guinea pig or a budgie can lift the dark veil, something is at work that is not medical. it is the human spirit and it is wonderful. In another very dark place I was asked to do some drawings, (I was an artist too), to help celebrate the Melbourne Cup (a VERY significant horse race here in Melbourne-the entire country has a public holiday for the Melbourne Cup). At the time I could hardly get off the bed so declined. But at 6am I got out of bed and went to the art room (in the hospital) and drew the posters. Why I bring this up is that the night before it wasn't on, there was no way I could do that, but I was needed. I could do something to make other people's lives better, just a tiny bit. As the great day went on I started drawing pictures that embraced a tradition with my friends and I had had before the awfulness began. `Ladies at the races' a series of comic drawings that I actually sold for a dollar for the poor. An even more amazing development came about when a woman who'd been staring at the wall, if she ever got off the bed asked to share my drawing pens. She was a professional artist; another woman started doing beautiful little tapestries, someone else had always been interested but had never drawn before and a very withdrawn young girl got her family to bring in her nail equipment and gave the whole ward a nail job. It lasted for weeks! My point is that no matter how bad you are there are possibilities. After that a nurse who made jewellery brought in the beads and you had to queue to get into the room. Drugs/ECT why? Art, music, exercise, someone who will listen to you, these are what gets us through. Talking to yourself can be useful, too. Say the most outrageous things you can think about yourself -eg. up to and including `I'm an axe murderer' - silly, yeah, silly is good. go for life, Racherz, and enjoy.

11

Hi jaguar,

I see you're coming from a medical/scientific orientation. So am I. I'm assuming you don't have issues with MY personal experiences, as a psychiatric nurse and a disillusioned consumer/survivor of psychiatry. I was trained in psychotherapy techniques by a highly respected psychiatrist and was involved with individuals, group work, community counselling and family therapy as well as special programs including art, theatre and music, all at and from a very large institution here in Melbourne, Australia. I also started the first official community nursing program in Victoria.

I became a consumer at age 58, when I fell foul of the catastrophic side effects of an SSRI drug which was given to me for stress. At that time I had contracts for two books to be published, a solo sculpture exhibition, a major sculpture work for a public exhibition, a review of a `sit-com' I wrote and a movie deal for a series of short films for the international market. Everything at once. The extreme suicidal reaction to the SSRI got me into Intensive care with 66 ECT treatments to follow over the next 20 months, a psych label and a severe PTSD from being forced to continue with ECT. Every single one of those projects fell over as my recorded brain damage was severe and permanent. I also lost the memories of my children growing up. All of the suggestions I made for Racherz's depression were based on a very wide experience and I will stand up for all of it. I finally used some of these techniques myself and have been drug and psychiatrist free for a long time with no further problems. (Isn't it always the builder's house that is never built). The PTSD hasn't gone but I can live with it now. I believe in the human spirit and the power we all have to help ourselves, but with a bit of help from our friends.

I'm assuming your problem re evidence concerns what I said about the antidepressants and the `chemical imbalance'. There is hard evidence for everything I said. I respect science and since psychiatrists want to be seen, above all, as medical professionals, they too must respect the science. The `help' I want to recommend is to empower. I cannot make anyone well but I can encourage, share and suggest ways to aim towards a happy and productive life.

Good luck, jaguar, and to everyone who reads this. deee

12

Hi deee

I am mindful of the tragic events in your life; hopefully nobody else here will ever be in your position.

13

Hi Jaguar

I beg to disagree with your opinion on deee's comments. Yes she is putting over her point of view, I see nothing wrong with that, we all have different views, she is trying to be helpful. NICE is a framework, to presume that all it's decisions are correct in my opinion lacks foresight. I know of Cancer victims being denied potentially life saving drugs because of their decisions. I do not want to be drawn into this argument too much as I thought it was supposed to be about helping depressed people with their loneliness not a debate on clinical excellence.

14

Hi Stephen

I presume clinical excellence is not something you are against. Those potentially life saving cancer drugs may also do the opposite irrespective of cost. I have cancer, by the way.

15

Hi Jaguar

I'm sorry to hear that you have Cancer. I survived a 13 hour operation for tongue cancer ten years ago, and wouldn't be here today without the excellent treatment I received from the NHS on my journey through cancer, so no I am not against clinical excellence, far from it.

I do believe that a positive outlook can help lift depression along with the help of targeted medication and therapies such as CBT However each individual responds differently. Depression is often misunderstood, but to anyone suffering from it is a real and debilitating illness. I wish you well.

16

Hi everyone sorry I havent been on for a few days. Thank you for all your advice, sometimes lately im ok, then I just swing back into a depressed mess. Im finding it very hard to control my thoughts lately if this makes sense. Im trying to keep myself busy lately as im not to bad then, but with having no job now, I simply have far to much time and nothing to do. I was considering going back to the gp, I was thinking about going back on tablets but im unsure if its what I want. Im trying to go walks lately to try and clear my mind, I have a hard time getting over the past lately, it just seems my brain wants to remember every stupid thing ive ever done and remind me of it. Do yous have any advice on how to let go of the past? I find it just seems to be constantly on my mind.

17

Also, the reason I went onto antidepressants the first time was because I was getting quite out of control, I felt like I was going mad as I couldnt control my thoughts. I am not suicidal, but the problem I had and have been feeling lately on occasion is those thoughts. I do not want to kill myself and I know this, but If im feeling low I will find those thoughts in my head. I know I would never do it, the reason being that I know I am not happy with how my life is going and this isnt what I want my life to be but I dont want to die because while im still alive there is still hope and the chance that things will change for the better, however if I was to kill myself there would be nothing at all, and this would have been it.

18

I, too, am sorry you have cancer. I had malignant melanoma some years ago. It's a hard time for you. However- I thought we were here on this site to give support and help to a young woman, Racherz, who is having a difficult time right now. I have offered my suggestions, based on a long life and relevant training that might help her...This I will address first. First to your good strong and insightful self, Racherz.

Hop onto this site. Towards the end there are quite a few suggestions about who and where to go for help. It’s more or less what I and other people have been saying. Jaguar too.

"The most effective treatment for anxiety and depressive disorders, however, is the combination of good self-help information and coaching/counseling/therapy by therapists who have personally experienced anxiety and depression, who have successfully overcome them, and who have been medication-free for at least five years if medication was used. Therapists with this background understand these conditions and will (may) be able to help you resolve your condition.

It’s also worth noting that the quality of therapist can make a difference in your recovery, since not all therapists are equal. The experience, training, and capability of the therapist often determines the level of success you can expect." In other words you might have to look around. There are peer groups around too, who could help. Don’t worry too much about fluctuating - nobody has all good days even when they’re not down.

BOOK - 10 Days to Great Self-Esteem Feeling Good Together, by Dr David D Burn (Self-help - Could be useful)

Let's just help Racherz find her way. OK? deee

19

Morning to everybody,

I have not been on for a week or so over taking something personal on here and had a break.Now coming on this morning find that there are discussions going on which again may upset somebody,we must know that people on here maybe sensitive even over sensitive to be on here.I am not taking any sides in fact have skipped. Through a lot of it but can we just be supportive without our medical hats on because probably some of the jargon goes over people's heads I was in medical but that remains confidential.Lets all just be here to listen and support as best we can and at the end of the day it will be the person them selves that make up their mind about medication or therepy.Hopefully I have not upset anybody. take Care

20

Joan152, thank you - you're absolutely right. Let's just go back to supporting each other. That's better in the long run than any pills or potions.