Some thoughts make me cringe and others don’t?

Mental health
1

Hi, 

I’ve been diagnosed with ocd for nearly a year now, intrusive thoughts ocd. I hate my thoughts every single day but they are getting better and I’m slowly recovering. 

The nature of my thoughts makes me very ashamed and guilty and I just feel horrible, mine revolves around sexual thoughts and thoughts that I am a pedophile. 

What I am really confused about is if I deliberately think about I don’t know being attracted to my dad sexually or something I will think eww no. But then when all the thoughts of children get into my head, I don’t think eww? I just get in the cycle of questioning myself and getting anxious about if I am a pedophile.

This really bothers me because I don’t want these thoughts anyway but why can I say eww to one thought then to another I have to really sit there and say to myself did I just like that? Why didn’t I think eww? Omg I must be a pedophile? And then I get very panicky and nervous and it is very very scary for me. I don’t want the thoughts let me just add!!!!!! 100% don’t want them! 

It is frustrating because it really messes with my mind and makes me believe that I am a pedophile, before last year I had never ever thought about children in that way. I’ve been around children my WHOLE LIFE I have a very big family with loads and loads of children.

Can someone just explain to me why some of these thoughts I think eww but then the other ones I don’t cringe at I just kinda get in a cycle of asking my self questions and panicking. But I should think eww so why don’t I! 

Sorry if this is too much info but I just want answers and I’m scared as it feels so real, but my therapist says that’s what ocd does. 

Please someone help if they know anything! 

2

Hi Miya, You said you hate these thoughts and they make you feel anxious and panicky. You derive no sense of satisfaction or enjoyment from them,you clearly don't want them! I can reassure you that you have no need to worry then. The way Ocd works is, it hones in on the things that mean the most to you in life whether that is God,children,your parents etc and makes you think unpleasant thoughts about them. Quite often there is a neurotransmitor in the brain, that controls doubt, not working as effectively as it should and central to this disorder you doubt yourself as being a good enough person. As difficult as it sounds you have to try and hold on to these thoughts and let them take there course.They are just passing through and they are not a true reflection of the person you are. If you try to resist thinking them and push them out,they have a tendancy to return more often.They are not a true reflection of you as a person. They are just thoughts passing through. Everyone can get them from time to time and they generally don't cause a problem. But with a small pertcentage (people with Ocd) they will stick in their mind and cause considerable anxiety. That means you are a good,moral person and to cause any hurt or harm to the people you think most of is going to cause you great distress. Do not judge yourself based on your thoughts is important with Ocd. They are only thoughts. But with help usually CBT and maybe medication this will get much better and perhaps in the future you will no longer have this problem. Regards, Paul