Someone please help me!

Mental health
1

Hi, 

I am a 17 year old girl and I have been diagnosed with OCD. I started getting intrusive thoughts last year around October time. They first started off as me thinking I was attracted to girls, I am straight and always have been and they really started bothering me because I just knew it wasn’t me but I always asked myself what if I am a lesbian? There is nothing wrong with being a lesbian but it always just bothered me and I just didn’t want to be. 

I then started getting really bad sexual thoughts about my dad and no matter how hard I tried they wouldn’t go away, it really made me feel as if I was attracted to my dad, and I obviously don’t want to be! 

In around December time last year and onwards until now I am getting sexual intrusive thoughts about children, especially my little brothers and a little boy that is very close to me. I really worry that I could be a pedophile or something, I don’t enjoy these thoughts, I don’t want these thoughts and if someone could make them go away I would tell them to! 

Recently it has been getting very bad and it feels so real! I have a therapist and I am on fluxotine 20 mg and have been for abit more than 4 weeks now. I feel as if I feel more like a pedophile than ever! Before December last year, I never ever had a thought about a child in that way, especially children close to me! 

I honestly don’t know what to do, it is ruining my life and I don’t know how I can carry on like this, I really try and tell myself that it is just OCD but my mind convinces me otherwise, it is like I have another voice in my head that isn’t me! 

I really feel as if I am a pedophile and it is scaring me! I feel as if I have suddenly just become a pedophile?! The other intrusive thoughts are easier to deal with and can go away but this particular one just won’t! It feels so real, and I really do not want it to be. I actually feel so evil. I always ask myself this question ‘if you could abuse a child without punishment or without getting caught would you?’ And my answer is defiantly no, because I don’t want to do that to children! I can’t stress it enough! 

I have read on google that some pedophiles are pedophiles that don’t want to be and that they get distressed by their thoughts? What if I am just one of them? Please know that I never want to harm a child, but my head tells me otherwise? 

Please tell me your opinions, I am really scared, and I do not want to be a pedophile! This is ruining my life. 

2

It's just ocd and I think anxiety is making you feel all stress out , deep inside of you , you know it won't happen but you giving your thought more time and keep feeding it it's gonna make it more lasting. Try to relax and if the thought comes out just notice is just a thought and you ain't capable of going thru it. My prayers are with you

3

Georgia,

I truly believe you do not want to act on any of the thoughts you are having! I believe it’s your OCD.  Try to just tell yourself it’s just a thought it’s not what I would ever do or act upon!  People have thoughts all the time that never come to fruition.   Can you imagine all the people that silently have thoughts like yours?  You just do not know it!  It’s is your will in God’s eyes not what your thoughts are!  Try to find peace about it! God bless... you are in my prayers! 

4

Heyy georgia,

From reading what you said to me it 100% sounds like anxiety mixed in with the OCD the fact you've acknowledged these thoughts and are saying you don't want them shows yyou wouldn't act on them you're anxieties doing the what if.. i had health anxiety last year and although it's not exctly the same it takes time to learn to cope with it and it took me a year on my own learning to understand it. the more you are able to tell yourself NO ITS MY ANXIETY!.. you're find you will have it less, plus distracting yourself is a massive thing that helps being indoors a lot is fine but try find things to occupy yourself and keep your mind focused on specific taks hope that helps if you need anymore advice etc just ask 

5

hello

​I think its totally related to the anxiety and ocd . I remember when I first started experiencing the anxiety I was getting crazy thoughts also like I kept cussing in my head saying the f word to everyone in my head .lol it was werid and crazy I had no control over it. I was also thinking in my head to kill my daughter . it freaked me out so bad because I love my daughter and would never do that. I was also scared of knifes . I didn't want to look at them because it would make me think I was going to pick it up and kill someone . of course I would never do it..

​in time with the right meds for me it helped . slowly it did and I began to fell better and I didn't think about aby of that. You are totally fine and you will get better!! words and thoughts are not going to harm you or make you do something . try to focus on a project , keep your mind busy to the point where you have no time to focus on the thoughts!!! best luck to you and you are not alone !!!

6

You know what it just a thought. You are scared of the thoughts that you can be a pedophile, that doesn't mean you are a pedophile. People have dark thoughts all the time. But with OCD it's hard to get rid of these thoughts because your mind your body they just stressed out. Your mind keep holding on these thoughts because it's too tired. They are very dark but not harmful. You can't be a pedophile. You are not a bad person just because you have dark thoughts. I suggest you to read this book " The mindfulness workbook for OCD" . And maybe you should try some exposure therapy.

7

Are you ok Georgia I’ve got ocd too I’m always here if u ever need or want to talk ok I know how your feeling and what your going through