Okay so i have wrote on here a few times regarding my anxiety and depression... i have suffered with anxiety and depression now for around 5 years it all began when i lost my nan when i was 16 years old i also had a few major things happen within my child hood. I have recently been in a relationship with my current partner for 2 years but have known him for a number of yours.
Recently i have been having some dreaded thoughts such as 'i dont love him' ' if i left him then all of these bad thoughts would leave ' and that i am 'using him because i am to scared to be on my own'but i know none of this is true because o really do love him but yes i would also be very lost without him in my life he is my rock!! but it is like all of my good thoughts and the love i have between him has been over powered by these bad negative thoughts and i cant seem to get rid of them.
i went on holiday in august 2018 and the build up to my holiday my anxiety was so bad and i was so worried that i would come home and things might be different and they now are because i feel like this and this was part of the reason why i really didnt want to go on my holiday .
i was really bad i paniced that i would come home and he wouldnt be there i had such bad anxiety being away from him! i messaged him constantly and missed him so so much!!
when i think of being without him i honestly feel so numb and empty in side and i feel trapped like i cant breath when my mind is occupied im okay but once im not and im sat watching tv on the sofa ect my mind goes into overdrive and then i sit there thinking things and i start to believe what is in my head because i am constantly thinking the same things i feel like i am generally going mad !!!! i have been to the doctors about this and have been put on medication to control my anxiety and depression.
please if anyone could kindly take time to read what i am struggerling with daily then i really would appriciate it and could do with the help and guidance thankyou all so much! x