Son 13 with OCD - how to cope

Mental health
1

Always been a bit of a quiet lad. For some time,we noticed issues with excessive hand washing, Its just got worse...

We had a talk to him and he seems to stress about dirty bathrooms etc. Also it seems to have moved onto other people - he wont go near people because they are dirty in his eyes.

In the past hes got school to call us saying hes ill - now looks like it was a toilet issue and this was an excuse.

Hes got worse recently. He wont touch his little sister (4) which upsets her a lot. LAst night he freaked because she touched him and lathered anti-bac gel on his whole arm.

We've tried to tell him he cant do that. Also, hes been a bit strange walking in certain rooms - he walks around the edge and jumps over  bits. But hes bare foot and wont wear slippers! Think this is a cat pee issue in his head.

Conversely, his bedroom is a complete tip. Standard teenager I guess but that doesnt bother him! Also, his personal hygiene could be better- again standard teenager but that doesnt bother him either.

Anyway, GP has now referred him but theres a waiting list. However, we're planning to pay for counselling also.

We've bought anti-bac gel for the bathrooms, we've spoken to school and he can use disabled toilet in the future (well its summer hols now). I know you're not really supposed to validate his behaviour but these seemed like small things. With regards to his touching other people, well its not a problem for us his parents but his little sister doesnt understand so we're going to have to stop that.

We're going on holidays in 5 weeks. So thats 8 hours sitting next to someone on a plane, toilets on the plane, villa, public toilets when we get there. Its not going to be easy!

Advice gratefully recieved? Do we pander to him and give him some slack or do we not allow him to be like this? Some of the things we can be a little flexible on but some its just not going to be possible.....

2

 I'm sorry he and your family have to go through this. But definitely do not tell him that you will not allow him to be like this. This is something that  he cannot help.

Keep in mind that This is not who he is, it's a condition he has that he was most likely born with.  It's true that you are not supposed to enable his behavior but  also you can't go too far on the other side by  demanding he stop  all OCD behaviors. That would just completely frustrate him all the more.

 counseling is definitely needed  because they will tell you exactly what you can do to help him .  

 I dated someone for about two years who had major OCD. There are some things you can do to help them. For instance, after he vacuumed the whole floor twice to making sure he got everything ,  he would say "I wonder if I should vacuum it again. Do you think I should?" I would say "no I'm sure you got everything. You did a good job. It will be fine".   That way I was not enabling his behavior.

 when we were going somewhere he would lock the door and then when we were in the car he would say that he wasn't sure if he locked the door. I said yes you sure did because I saw you lock it.   He would say, are you sure?  I calmly would put my hand on his hand and say yes you locked the door. I never made him feel badly about his OCD or was impatient.You have to be supportive but  not enabling.

People with OCD need a lot of reassurance  because what they do is overthink things. They go over things again and again and again in their mind analyzing things.   It's not something they can stop on their own and it can be torturous at times. So they need a lot of support.

 The counselor will go over all of this with you so it's really vital that you go. I hope everything goes well! 

 

3

Thanks Jan I have some experience with mental illness myself in the past :-(

Its difficult to know what to do. Not sure if getting the anti-bac gel is enabling him or not? It just seemed like an easy thing to make him a bit happier.

To be honest, the biggest issue is probably his behaviour towards others. What do we do about something like his refusal to go near his little sister? Thats causing a lot of grief.

Also, he can take an age in the bathroom and pretty much refuse to come out. I remember waiting outside the bathroom in disneyworld florida in the hot sun and he was in there for best part of an hour.

Some of things really affect everyone else in the family.

4

Thanks all. Well, he agreed to go to a counselling session with someone who specialises in teen OCD. N

On the plus side, he agreed to go and seemed a lot happier when he came out. If nothing else, I guess its someone to talk to things about because he wont talk to us because we're his parents.

Its difficult, as you say, to decide how to do things. Be supportive but not support the OCD thinking. At the moment, we're at a stage where certain things we are letting go, but others we are being a bit stricter on.

I must admit its difficult for us to understand. He now won't walk through a certain doorway (two doors into the kitchen), and will walk long way around. He will then skirt around the edge of the kitchen (not sure why the middle is an issue). Same with living room - he wont stand on the rug.I think some of it may be due to our cats - they do tend to pee on things like curtain sometimes....

BUT his bedroom is still a tip. Its borderline health hazard. For some reason hes gone from 30 min showers to not having a shower at all. To be honest, hes filthy and we've got to force him to wash now. I dont understand this.

Problems I can see on holidays are mainly toilet related. Its going to be difficult if he decides he doesnt like the toilet on the plane. Or when we're in the park, we can't let him take 45-60 mins in the toilet (hes done this before). Or when we're in a restaurant. Should we be firm here? In the past we have been and have literally had to go into the toilet to get him out. Ends up in a massive argument when he refuses.