Spiralling down, is there another medical solution without sectioning ?

Mental health
1

Hi,

Just wanted to post my recent experiences, I will not be too graphic, being a public site, I have looked at other forums and they all seem too energetic.

I am a forty something person, and guess what - It seems people my age can have problems too.

A few months ago, my wife left, and took the children, I understand their is a younger version around.

I handled this badly, ended up in A&E got physically patched up, transfer to a psych ward overnight, then shuttled off to a local mental health hospital.

Scary place, really scary.

My wife found out, then the allegations started almost a week later, I have heard she is enjoying this destruction of me and spending money like water.

Things have been pretty low, my job is on the line, my wife is after everything and has applied for a court to seize my assets (I have none, all savings are in her name).

She is refusing access to the children and has face booked her allegations - I will lose my clearance required for work, I've already had my volunteer status revoked by. Local charity I help with, because of her lies.

So, again not being graphic, a second attempt occurred a week ago, but was prevented by the police(who were informed by a concerned person apparently), who moved me to a place of safety, where I was seen by two doctors who wanted to section me, and a MHP of I remember the acronym, who did not.

I was on diazepam, lorezepan (separately) and now I have been put on sertraline and hydroxyzine.

No one seems to really get it.

The NHS solution seems to be section, talking therapy, prescriptions

The work solution is we are going to sack you as your wife cannot be lying

The police solution is you are a male, therefore you are lying, oh and by the way your nuts

The legal solution is we are concerned for your safety

My solution is born out of a desire to stop all these attacks, I can't cope, I keep going over the edge and got closer to plan execution.

I just can't seem to find the help I am after, I don't know what it is really, so I thought I would post here for advice, I am trying to get help, but it seems there's no way out.

Everything is generally in order, trust funds, wills, even a confession at church, just awaiting a trigger.

Enough history, the point to my post is that the doctors seem to be very threatening in sectioning, medication - a few months in and I am spiralling down, no complaints from me, just I don't know what to do anymore, Samaritans a great at listening, I know I can no longer tell the doctors the truth any more, who I have to be in contact with daily (their community health team, as I am not with crisis team anymore)' but the doctor weekly..they will put me in hospital again..so who can you speak to that will do more than listen, but not section you ?

I don't know any more, feeling like a burden, and can't explain where the guilt has come from.

A.

2

hiya ethereal,

your docs might appear threatening, but the reality is that they can only section you if your a 'threat' to youself or others, at least 2 docs and a social worker or close relative have to believe its necessary, however in an emergency 1 doctor can.

the best advice i can give is go with your mental health teams advice at the moment as you are not seeing things clearly, which given the circumstances is totally understandable and 'normal' please tell them the truth, as if you don't, they cant help you, they're not psychic.

i know it sounds crass but time does take care of things, try to go with the flow, soon you will be able to see the situation for what it is, talking is a great therapy, so open up to any therapist you may get/have, they have no 'axe to grind' and are totally impartial.

finally, avoid the police, avoid direct contact with your wife for now, put a sick note in to work, avoid facebook (its a load of crap anyway) and try and take it easy, stop your wife from having any access to your bank accounts/assets.

if its any consolation a similar thing happened to me 12 years ago, it nearly destroyed me, suicide attempts etc etc, guess what, i now know with the benefit of hindsight, im better off without cheating scum like my ex wife around, you don't need it my friend cheesygrin

keep posting or message me if you want,

cheers,

Ken~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

3

Hi Ken has given you some good advice. I also have been through the mill and 30 years ago thought I'd never live to be old because of mental health issues.

Here I am still here. Hang on in there. I won't try and give you a load of platitudes, you really don't need or want them.

However Ken is right Time does help, you just don't know it and not enough of it has gone by to make you realise it yet.

Try and be calm, try and distract yourself with anything that is not negative.

People can be horrible believe me I know, I still avoid contact with many of them.

However life can be good and the sun comes out every day, if we are lucky.

You never know what is round that corner. Move on if you can if you can't then please do not let go yet, wait till tomorrow it may be better. Speak to the Samaritans they are great.

You mention confession, can you talk to your priest? Only a question not an answer.

My mantra over the years has been 'this too will pass', I say it often and it does.

My very best wishes to you, there are thousands out there, some reading your post who know exactly how you feel. Cling to life it's better than the alternative, I promise.

You may post anytime if you want to. Fanny Jane.

4

Lost my job today, 'a business decision, and we wish you well with your personal circumstances' - not. Been myself for the past few months

I tried going to the church today, but is was closed.

Stomache doing the rounds, overtook some medication, hoping for some sleepiness but only got a stomache cramp. Did speak to the doc, who suggested a and e for a tox check, but I think it's ok, no one seems that worried

(14 hydroxyzine @25mg and a. Mouthful of colchicine)

Not my best day

5

Words are never enough but I am really sad to hear your news. It must be so very hard for you to be trapped in this spiral of unhappiness.

I'm also so very sorry the church was closed. There are a lot of reasons for this due to modern life interferring in helpful agencies.

I think a tox check is just a put off thing. What you need is proper support and help.

Is there a walk in centre near you that you could go and talk to someone? It is so very difficult I know.

Have you tried the Salvation Army. I know you will probably think they are a lot of bible bashers but they really aren't these days. They are genuinely caring people out there to help people in distress and often have canteens and day centres to help all people in need. They do not judge and they do not preach just offer help and friendship. It's what they do and they do it well. Is there a Salvation Army office/citadel or drop in place in your area you could go to, have a think and give it a try. You have nothing to lose.

You are in my personal prayers. Only you can help yourself out of this awful period of your life.

I'm absolutely sure that if you can get some help life will one day be brighter for you.

If you have nowhere else to go , the library is always warm and full of wonderful books and papers.

Go and get some quiet and read, anything you like. To be lost in the magic of a book is one of lifes wonderful things that enrich and calm the soul.

I wish so much that there was a magic wand for all people who suffer both in body and mind. Sadly there isn't. The sun will come up and the moon will ease the day to sleep and tomorrow is another day.

Bless you, may you find peace and positivity soon. Fanny Jane.

6

Hi.

Ken and Fanny Jane are right.

I know how you feel and I know that you truly believe that noone understands or even cares....but they do.

It may help to talk to the Samaritans, at least to get it off your chest.They are great at listening but they cannot take the problems away.

There has been a lot going on and people can cope upto a point then it all seems too much....try to see the problems as just little problems rather than one huge one.

Writing a list might help you to think more clearly...each problem dealt with is one less thing off your mind.

It can be done, things will not stay this way for ever, please believe us.

You need a rest from all this worry right now.Pease don't give up, your mind just needs a sort of 'short break' from the worry , I have been there and I have come through the other side just like millions of other people you see you are not alone .

Like Fanny Jane said 'I wish there was a magic wand' but there isn't. Please try to take a deep breath and seek the help that you need right now and just please remember this is not permanant and you will be able to 'look back' at it one day and be a stronger person for it.

7

hi mate i feel very bad for you, but i must say you are not the only one on this boat, many people including myself have been ther some have gone the wrong way some have found a new door to walk through. and i say you let go of your wife let her take everything just start a fresh life, there is alot of hurt absolutely alot, but the best way is to let it all go, depression medicine works very well but you have to take it regurlarly otherwise it dont work, i will pray for you, dont forget god is watching evrything. i hope you feel better soon, please dont give up.x

8

Thanks for your kind comments and pms everyone, much appreciated.

I started writing down things, just to see if that helps, not convinced it is, but I thought I would anonymous blog things and see if it helps. I suppose it is kind of a list like Maxine suggested I try.

The CMHT doctor has quadrupled my quetiapine and doubled the sertraline, but still waiting for the sertraline to work and the quetiapine seems as useless as the hydroxyzine, I take them, but do not feel drowsy at all.

I had a home visit from the chaps in blue following a concerned friend calling in a no contact on me, just a checkup, came close to '136 again I think but they seemed ok to leave me be in the end.

I've tried asking the doctor and CMHP for something to knock me out if I feel like executing my plan - but no movement on that front at all. I really don't get on with the assigned care worker, if I hear the words 'You must be strong' just one more time....

Really miss the kids today, that is over 2 months now since she stole them, and she is still gnawing away at me like a parasite, two months ago she was not this person that she is today.

I can't seem to stop myself going to my choice of place, thats why im asking for sleeping tablets.

It is like watching myself in the 3rd person, shouting what are you doing ? But I can't stop myself.

My GP is excellent, and really seems to care and want to help, but I am in the system with CMHT now and they have some really ill people to deal with, so I pretty much feel I am just some static on the outside

Anyway

Thanks for your support

9

Good to hear you have good gp support as it is so important. The trouble is that everything takes ages, good or bad, it seems to be never ending.

It's very hard to know what else to say, you've obviously heard it all before and of course it makes no difference to your personal circumstances, especially with your children.

All I can say is hang in there. Life has a funny way of turning a corner now and again. The day will come when your children will want to know where their dad is and you may very well have the opportunity to explain your side of things to them. Yes, it may take a long time but believe me when that moment comes you will be so pleased that you are still around to be there for them.The blood tie is very strong. I know of people who lost contact due to family strife and were able to trace their mum or dad years later. It's always worth it. Once children come of age they can make their own decision anyway.Believe me they always want to know what happened and why.

It's hard, life throws rotten stuff at us. The trick is to keep going. Try and rebuild a bit,make a few friends, be there when the sun comes out again. Be there for yourself and your future.

Bless you, lots of people are rooting for you including me, rashy, maxine, I am very sure of that. Fanny Jane.

10

Ethereal,

You really sound in a bad way. But please for the sake of your young children hang on in there and try very hard to ignore what your wife has been up to.

I didnt see my dad for many years, as my grandmother (who hated him and me) drove him out of our lives. All we heard (I have an older brother) was horrible nasty things about him. She cut up all the photos with him in and burnt them in front of me. She was a very strong woman and managed to get total custody of us after my mum died.

I finally saw my dad again when I was about 16 and over the next couple of years found out that most of what she said was just bitter twisted lies. We became close again (I was always daddies little girl) and all that time without him was forgotten as we had some great times, I am so glad he was there at my wedding and when my daughters were born. He died 12 years ago, and I regret not having told him half the things I should have, but at least we were close at the end.

In the long term your kids will understand and as they grow they will realise the truth for themselves. they will be able to contact you one way or another and get to know the real you and not the awful lies your wife has told them and others.

I dont have any answers, as from my own posts I am not in a great place either, but most of that is down to my twisted grandmother. But please hang in there, it isnt easy, if your counsellor doesnt understand or you dont like them, then ask/insist on another one.

thinking of you

11

Hi, just thought I'd say hello and hope you are hanging in there and that life is getting a little bit easier you you. Thinking of you, Fanny Jane.

12

Hi,

Crawling out from under the rock I've been in - struggling with crowds and people in general, not sure that the medicine is doing that well.

Thank you to everyone for your concern and messages, I do appreciate them.

The police matter has gone away, my wife has withdrawn her false accusation.

However, I am trying to unpick all sorts of mess that social services have quite happily created but do not seem to give a stuff about fixing.

Pretty much getting the evil eye when I am walking around town.

I'm looking after finances, transferred things into my wifes name etc, and I still get the daily accusations, texts, hate mail etc.

She now says "Do not forget that I am the victim here", "You will pay me everything you earn", "I will destroy you".

And you know what, the police do not give a stuff, she is allowed to harrass me, and I can't even defend myself. I even mentioned this to the police and they just shrugged.

She says if I dont do x, y or z, then she will reinstate her accusations, if I dont get well and get a job and pay her half, she reinstates accusations.

I run out of money next month, so we will all default on the mortgage, I seem to be perma-signed off work at the moment, so am living on £70 every 2 weeks as i cannot sign on, being unfit for work (Not that I want to sign on....another 'demand' from my ex is that I sign on and she gets half.

Currently battling council tax, all outsourced here and I've tried explaiing to them to keep it simple. I've paid them everything they asked for, including my exs half, yet they wont leave me alone, I've told them I am not ina good place, but they keep confusing me with letters and demands for dates when i was in hospital.

My head is not right with trazedone, sertraline, quetiapine and lorazepam floating around, yet the council tax seem to be on a wicth hunt for me, yet I have paid double what they want, and am not allowed to work.

And to top it all, nwo that I am effectively bankrupt, I am on legal aid, my legal aid lawyer doesnt even return calls or emails, meanwhile she is flinging all sorts of documents at me (she has zero costs...you can guess what her career is), social services are ducking and diving my requests for a written statement of retraction from them.

Anyway, still here, ups and down, but not been admitted anywhere for just over a month now, but taking the higher ground has taken a toll, I detest taking medicine, but I'm worried what Ill do if I stop, ho hum smile

Anyway, hope you are all doing well

A.

13

Hi there, Although your post is full of the most dire things that can happen to a person you are at least hanging in there.

Good news on the police front, I know it's a tiny little plus but it is at least something positive.

I really can't imagine how you are going to deal with all this. I'm sure you've tried all the avenue's open to you but please keep on fighting. Try every charity/organisation you can for help. There are a lot of good people out there, sometimes we stumble on an answer when we least expect it.

Good to hear you have kept out of A&E too. All these small positives are a victory in the true sense.You must be emotionally and physically exhausted.

All I can say is that I am sure that it's not just me reading and sympathising with your situation. There are probably hundreds of people reading them who really feel for you and like me wish there was something positive we could do to help you.

The truth is many of us a mired down by many things happening in our lives. Many years ago I was homeless with two babies, ended up in an old caravan with no mains water. It was sheer hell. Looking back on it I think of it as a time that was one of the lowest points of my life, I can hardly believe that it all happened to me. I slowly managed to recover my life and a home, my boys are now fathers themselves and don't remember the awfulness of it all. I am still here and living a stable and happy life.I moved on from people I should never have allowed to influence me and have learnt to put things behind and never look back.

All I'm trying to say is please keep going, slowly things will settle down. Yes it's a long rough road and you sure are having it rougher than anyone else I know.

You are in my prayers my friend and I'm sure lots of other peoples too.

Try and look after yourself as best you can, Fanny Jane.

14

hiya ethereal,

get yourself to the citizens advice bureau about all this stuff, they are really good these days and will be able to help/advise you accordingly, you dont have to do this on your own, they have advocates that will help you.

keep posting,

Ken~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

15

Hi,

I didn't mean my post to be a low mood one, sorry everyone that reads it.

Today's highlights, my ex and her mother just assaulted my mother, well to my mind they did.

They prevented her car leaving a meeting, and screamed at her, and said she was going to die (my mother is quite ill)' and that the wanted her dead.

I received a load of texts from my ex saying she. Is taking me to court, and the kids will never see me again.

She is withholding some gifts to the kids as a goodbye present.

I spoke to social services, and they just same to hate men.

How can she get away with assaulting a very ill woman, constantly threaten me and I'm the bad guy ?

I spoke to my cmt today, seeing some light, and then this, god I can't cope much longer, no one cares that the woman may be in the wrong here, always the guy at fault.

Just off my chest, I need to take those sleeping pills

I'm out of money and my legal aid lsolicitor won't return my calls or emails

I not ducking paying, but I've spent 15k in fees, lost my job, my security clearance and she still keeps on and on

Cmt don't care, as they as social services were never interested

No one is there to help me, only to help her..

It's almost midnight and she keeps texting and threatening me, my mother is thinking about leaving the area with friends for her own safety

The police don't care - literally don't care, it's. a domestic when I report something..

I'm really running out of places to turn to, 4.5 months of this constant abuse with authorities not interested as I'm a male, so unfair, no way out

Sorry..disjointed rambling, lorazepam and trazadone

A.

16

If it helps just keep posting, everyone here is in total sympathy with you believe me. Putting your feelings down and sharing them probably helps a bit, small though it may seem at the moment.

As horrible and vindictive as your wife has turned out to be, she must calm down a bit sometime,eventually even she will get tired of it all as negativity is very, very diffuclt to keep up. As to the social services, you are so unlucky with the lot you've got. It's all down to people again, some are helpful and caring and others are just ........ (unprintable).

You would probably be better to try and step back from it all a bit and keep your response to her texts and calls down to absolute minimum. She needs 'fuel' to keep all this hate going. You need to concentrate on your own health and recovery, then you will be able to deal with things more objectively.

As said before, your children will grow up and the chances are very high that they will want to meet with you and restart a good relationship with them. I would imagine that they are aware of a great deal of what has been going on and will remember quite a lot of what their mother is doing to you. Children are often far more perceptive than adults give them credit for.

So even though you think what I write and all your sufferings are a load of claptrap... hang in there for those kids. You need to be around for them in the years to come. I know that you will look back and be glad that you did.

Take care, post anytime, Fanny Jane.