Spiralling downwards again

Mental health
1

I've struggled with depression for over 30 years now on and off. The last 18 months have been the worst - two attempts on my life, a stay on a psych ward, endless appointments with psychiatrist, CPN, GP and counsellor and many different medications.

Things finally felt like they were getting a little better but the last couple of months things have started to slip again and now I feel like I'm in freefall.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I reach out to the professionals but everything moves so slowly. I don't feel that I can burden my family and friends again as they've put up with so much from me already.

I have no hope of any kind of meaningful recovery. I adore my family and my friends and I don't want to hurt them. But I'm hurting them already, this isn't fair on them. I don't know what else I can do. I wish I could just disappear.

I don't even know why I'm writing this. I know there's nothing anyone here can do. I guess I just want to feel less alone.

2

I understand.  Been through all the gp, cpn,cbt,psych stuff.  Had a good spell now like you it seems to have dropped off.  Cpn says try harder.  Feel as though i cant do any more.  Hard for all close relatives to cope with when its like this.  Must be an answer out there that a GOOD psych can help with..  

3

I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. I feel pretty hopeless right now too somplease know you’re not alone. 

I’m always here if you need an ear to vent to.