When my GF and I started dating she was very forward that she has anxiety and pushes people away when stress builds. When we confessed our love she said she was afraid it would just go away and we promised to work through the pushing away and I would support her and not abandon her. Well it happened. Two weeks ago she suddlenly doesn't love me. She says she feels next to nothing and just blunted. I say I'm here and want to try and for her to keep trying. She asks me why. I remind her of all we said about working through. That this situation is exactly what she said would happen and that she wanted to beat it. It has been two weeks, and she is incredibly convincing that she doesn't want my affection and says she feels sorry for me that I care about her. I tell her we talked about this and she said this exact thing would happen and that then she wanted us to get through and not give up. Now she says she remembers saying it but doesn't feel that way now....I don't know what to do. I am trying, she hasn't got therapy yet but is trying to be scheduled. She wants to talk and be friends but act like we are nothing more/we're anything more and like what she said about what would happen and to fight for her when it did didn't happen.
What can I do? What should I do?
Give her some space is what I'd do. But that's me.
Thank you. I will try. Unfortunately I work with her too. Another level of complexity. I have to be at corporate function with her tomorrow. I have me own anxiety and I am worried about it.
Be her friend for a while
Is there someone there for you like you are for her?
How am I to be a good friend? When I want something more? When even 2 days prior I was everything she wanted. It is hard to act like nothing was.
No there isn't. I don't have someone like that. I have friends but nothing to which I love and then suddenly don't love.
Ignore her is what you need to do as much as possible, no eye contact at work or functions unless of course you have to work on something with her then just be professinal like she is just another colleague. I was dumped in my young years so many times I know all the tricks in the book. She will come back to you I promise, she needs you and doesn't realise it yet but will. Good Luck.
Love can suck sometimes. Sorry you are going through this.
Thank you. I hope so. But it is sometimes hard to belive. I appreciate you words.
Thank you. It does. It really shouldn't though.
I mean do you have people in your life who look after you? You seem like you have a lot to handle on your own.
No. not really. I just moved to a new city. So the support system isn't really here. I have family about an hour away.
Thanks for the thoughts
B
I'm not saying this is the right or wrong thing to do cos u gotta weigh up the options.
Option 1 sounds brutal and I know u love her but she needs to conquer this anxiety and I think she needs space to do this. Therapy will just be the beginning. It could be a long road to her recovery and by the time she has made enough progress, she may still turn round and say I don't want u.
I think you need to let her go but not be friends either because she really can't have it her way if you say u love her and she doesn't. I guess that is a sacrifice she has to make.
Maybe some space will help her decide.
From personal experience I have let relationships go because of similar situation and I really don't know what or who I want.
Option 2. You continue to convince her and remind her to fight for you because she remembers saying that this would happen and that you should fight for her.
The outcome in both is uncertain. Maybe she doesn't know her true self yet.
Also u gotta think about you. Can u afford to continue loving her if at the end of a few years she decides ur not the one and then uve wasted a lot of time on her.
Again I'm not saying one or the other is right these are just possible scenarios.
But at least u are giving it a go and fighting so if it doesn't turn out u can be proud of that.
Let me know how things pan out if you want.
Phil
You know phil you give very good advice on here..in general. Thank you for being on this forum.
Thank you ! hard choices.all.
Hi B, just a thought, but you could spend the weekend seeing if there's a group you fancied joing in your new city?
It's easy to focus on one person if you don't know anyone else around!
I's because you're such a good person that you're having a hard time, and i'm sure other people would find it easy to welcome and get to know you!
We (the thinkers) all guilty of taking on someone else's troubles, I reckon sometimes it might be as a distraction to our own!?
Anyway, what i'm saying is that you deserve to be around some positive people, doing your own thing in your new city.
x
I know. Sometimes you gotta just ride the storm and come out the other side fighting.
Thanku. A lot. This forum has really helped me over the past few months.
😃
Well update: I'm still confused . I went to the work function and then everyone went out to the bar. I was leaving and she text me to come back. So I did. Then hours of drinking later she is too drunk to drive so I take her home. I put her in her bed and was getting ready to leave she grabbed my shirt and pulled me close and just said "don't leave me" and she just held my shirt and didn't want to let go. I fell asleep. Nothing happened. But then we hung out together today cuddling and such. (No sex) and then we went out to eat and said she still doesn't feel anything for me. What is going on?