home care team are coming every day,drs come sometimes to change medication,dont feel any better,have scary inability to eat and induce vomitting if i have to eat.voices now making me self harm which is scary but i have done once,diazepam doesnt work for long and other meds take forever to work.i dont think this is as bad as its going to get ,im not sure how I am so sure of that but I am.have both sets of in laws coming today for xmas,maximum stress,i want to sleep wake and be me again,its not going to happen.you all really help though,thanks again
jo x :roll: :roll:
I didnt think you wanted to be hospitalized, you wont have a choice at this rate 
There is still a little part of you that is in touch with reality. Hold onto that right now. Try to get everyone else involved with the chores of Christmas so you dont have to. Will the home care team come to see you over Christmas? Sounds like you are trying to be very brave at the moment. If you do have to go into hospital there will be people there who will help you. Take care.
home care came every day over xmas except xmas day because I couldnt face them but it was a mistake because it all got a bit much.everyone at home did all the work but I am whirling around in a strange world where I am ok on increasing doses of diazepam for a few hours and then the scary voices/thoughts come back.now cant eat at all because throat so sore from vomitting so on esure drink things which is ok for me to take for some reason(voices let me keep them down)minor self harm on going,relatives think I seem better but am much worse,am totally lost,risperadone now 2mg at night and 1mg in the morning with 45mg mirtazapine at night,dont care about hospital anymore,wnat xmas over,so I can just sleep and sleep.All relatives going tommorow,they have been lovely but my mask is slipping,I dont know whats going to happen and I dont care.Dont care is a really bad place.