I was diagnosed with herpes in April this yr and have had one recurrence since! I'm single and caught it from a guy I had a one night stand with ( stupid I know ) I'm really struggling to come to terms with having this! I feel embarrassed to talk to anyone about it so coming on here was an option! Maybe talking to ppl who also have this virus might help me deal with this!! At this moment I feel like my life is on hold and no one will want to have a relationship with me since I have it!!! Help!?!?!
Hello Sarah24. I completely know how you feel. I am currently going through an outbreak. This will be my sixth one. I got diagnosed with genital herpes after a holiday romance in 2011. I was absolutely gutted. Considering I was safe it just broke me. Haven't seemed to recover since. It does break you're confidence. But, with saying this, I saw the best doctor I have seen to date the other day for a dose of Aciclovir and he recommended this site. You are not alone. This is the best thing I have taken from this. You are no
alone. One in six people have genital herpes. So next time you are walking down the street picture that. And with every outbreak it gets easier. Please don't let this discourage you from relationships. It's hard but you know now to be smarter than before. Get yourself out there (:
I've just got type 1 off my partner who had a cold sore and didn't realise it. I have been so careful for years in fear of ever getting this and now I am in agony. The sores are open, weeping and so painful when I pee. I've been put on 200mg doses of Aciclovir along with the cream and though I've been putting it on and taking the tablets religiously for over 48 hrs now, I am still in a great deal of discomfort.
I too thought I had thrush/cyctitis at first, then spotted the first sore. I just wish there was more information out there for people. My partner didn't realise he could infect me down there and I'm pretty sure there are a lot more people out there who are the same.
Just found out I have herpes...I'm absolutely disgusted with myself, but I know it serves me right for getting so stupidly drunk and having unprotected sex. I hate myself so much and feel so disgusting. I never want to have sex again. I'm so angry.. I don't care about the statistics because I hate the fact if I ever get into a relationship again I'm gonna have to explain myself and no matter what anyone else says I will be judged by anyone who hasn't got it. I actually want to hurt myself so much right now. I can't speak to anyone about it. Now I'm gonna have this dirty little secret and I can't stand it.
I just found out too! I hate myself and share the feeling of having a dirty little secret. I was sober & protected and still ended up with it so go figure!
Not very good at the relationship/sex thing but got a clean bill of health at 23 (now 41) then only had protected sex once after that some 7-8 years ago. Had no symptoms/outbreaks during this period so assume I was clean but after a bit of persuasion from someone I really liked I went for it and now cannot believe I was so stupid.
Only seen at clinic yesterday and have still to tell him once results are back. It wasn't anything serious more friend I felt comfortable with but scared it wasn't him who gave it to me but the other way round. Surely I would have had an outbreak in the last 8 years if it had been me that was the carrier?
Fortunately I realised something was wrong quickly and have been put on the antivirals for 5 days but I feel like hell. I am a carer for an elderly parent and I am sure my weird behaviour is being noticed but how do I tell them? Parent is totally against sex for fun/before marriage but I needed to live a little after a horrible few years - now even worse is to come. If I didn't have the caring responsibility I may just be tempted to curl up and die. Would love to hear how others cope?
Thanks for everyone that's replied to this!! Well I'm slowy comin to terms with havin herpes but can still get me down from time to time! Buts it's def good to know that I'm not alone!! You have to try and not beat yourself up about it we all make mistakes!!!! Anyway it's good to chat on here and talk to other ppl who have herpes!!! If anyone has any tips etc to help reduce it stop outbreaks!?!? I've been relatively lucky as I've only had 2 and they have been very mild!!! I still dread the day I meet someone and have to tell them I have herpes tho so if anyone can share stories on there experiences that would be great!!!!!x
I had my first episode of HSV type 2 about 4 months into a relationship with a girl who knew she had had it before, but for whatever reason had chosen to keep it quiet and discourage using protection. We were both aged between 25 and 30, and after persevering with that relationship for 18 months it ended and I moved overseas.
I was quite ill for a few weeks and coming to terms with it has been a really hard road. It has been over two years since then and i haven't managed to work out my way of starting a relationship with it yet. The last thing I want to do is to pass it on by pretending I don't have it, which was what she did (and I pity her for it).
I work long hours and have quite a stressful job sometimes which triggers an outbreak every 2 months or so (but they are gradually getting less severe - usually one or two sores that last about 10-14 days). Or have a heavy night out with friends and boom - Outbreak! Those who understand it know that it's not actually that big a deal - but I think that because of the stigma associated with the word (my friend calls it the H-Bomb), those who have it feel guilty and dirty and ashamed.
I find myself feeling guilty flirting with a girl because it feels like I'm being a fraud by not saying - hey, don't bother, I've got herpes. BUT I keep telling myself that the right person will have the right attitude towards it anyway - so, my plan, after having it for over 2 years is to use extra safe condoms and suppressive doses of aciclovir during early stages of the relationship and have the talk once you have a really good connection. I know this seems a bit cavalier, but it's as close to safe as you're going to get, and you're telling yourself the truth that it's not actually that big a deal. It isn't life threatening, rarely causes any other complications. Really it's less severe than the flu. If you make a big deal of it you will certainly scare off a potential partner. In the past it has bothered me so much I couldn't even get it up! It can be a brutal feeling. As for girls I'm not sure if you have to be a little more careful - I believe it is passed on more easily from F to M than the other way round.
The prospect of a date coming over for a meal at my house strikes fear into me when it should be exciting and fun. I've had a few of these occasions and they are gradually getting a bit easier. Professionals and those who know the condition well are too quick to brush it off as just another minor ailment....for me it has tried very hard to manifest itself as a serious psychological condition...I think I am slowly winning the battle and one day, I will beat it.
It does not define you, don't let it define you - it is minor at the end of the day, even if most judgemental or ignorant people would argue otherwise. It might just change the type of partner you go looking for. I am a successful and (i'm told) attractive young guy and I have everything going for me, am very positive and driven, and want a family to enjoy life with. It still gets me down like only you fellow sufferers will truly understand, but it's great to read other peoples stories. Life goes on, and you can, and you must, find your way of dealing with it and getting on with your life.
xxx
Don't be embarrassed, there are like 150 million infected with HSV2 in all kinds of ways. The stigma is silly, since it's really no different than a cold sore. We need to share what works and doesn't work. I guess the whole point of this forum. I am sharing my best and worst discoveries in hopes it will help and in hopes someone might write something I could find useful.
Good:
Sleep / Rest / Minimize Stress
Healthy Diet - no sugar, and not too much salt helps me
Exercise
Viradux-AU (a very good anti-herpetic crème - has stopped OB's altogether)
keeping positive
Bad:
Stress
acyclovir
Valtrex
Tons of other treatments out there that I have tried and not had much luck with if any at all!
Thanks for sharing all!
rt2010 you cant actually do that. you need to tell the person before you have sex with them. trust me. i had swx with a guy that passed it on to me even though he was wearing a condom. he knew he had it and didnt tell me. Its killed me from being in new relationships yes. byt some people have tge right attitudes. let alone it could actually bw a criminal offence (research it. a guy got taken to proson) if you dont tell someone
best thing to do is actually get to know aomeone before sleeping with them.
20 years of age and I have it.
The worst part is that I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half and it only shows up now. Neither of us know who had it first, he could have had it and never experienced the symptons. The ambiguity is the worst thing and I feel so numb and helpless over it all. I'm afraid of telling my friends for fear they'll judge me. The two people who I have told have been great and keep telling me it's only like a coldsore and not the end of the world but I'm really struggling to come to terms with it as it's something I'll have for the rest of my life. The only good thing is that I seem to have caught it in the early stages so on antibiotics. While my current relationship is going strong I keep imagining how this will affect me in the future and I'm absolutely terrified.
Hi everyone,
I'm sorry to see so many of you letting this virus take over your lives and get you down. I know exactly how you feel and I too felt dirty and disgusting after finding out that I had contracts the virus from a cheating ex about 6 years ago. I was mortified, and cried at the clinic when I was informed of what I had contracted. The doctor was fantastic and explained to me that thousands of people get cold speed on their face every day and nobody questions it, and this is the same sort of thing, it's just because of WHERE these sores appear the virus carries a stigma of it being dirty or labels you as someone who sleeps around. Te truth is you can catch this virus in loving monogamous relationships as well as if you have one night stands. It can happen to anyone no matter how safe you feel you are being. This virus does NOT define you as a person! Just think of it as a cold sore. The outbreak won't last for ever, and there are lots of treatments available to help you reduce outbreaks.
In the last 6 years since my initial outbreak, I've had about 4 small outbreaks. They don't last too long. And my boyfriend is amazing about it. When we first got together I told him about it within the first month before we slept together. It was a massive deal for me to be honest as I had been carrying this "secret" around with me for so many years but I felt I could trust him and I would rather be honest and let him know the truth as that's what he deserved. I broke down, I said we needed to talk, explained what it was and how I contracted it, and told him how disgusting I felt, and he just hugged me and said "is that it?! Ithought you were going to tell me you were breaking up with me!" Haha! He said it didn't change how much he loved me and didn't change how he thought about me and said I shouldn't have let it take over my life the way it had. He really put it in perspective. "It's just a couple of blisters. We can just be careful if you ever have any outbreaks" he said, and if ever it has happened I have let him know and he's extremely understanding. I realised that he is right, it's not as much of a massive deal as I thought it was. It happens very rarely, and only twice in the last 4 years of our relationship, and he has never had any outbreaks either.
Life goes on after this. Just accept it fr what it is, it doesn't change who you are, and whoever you form a relationship will understand this if they really love you. I hope you all are able to see it this way eventually. It's taken me a while to look at it from this perspective, but it feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders in the last few years :-) xx
Thanks daisy14, really reassuring to hear a positive story in the midst of it all. x 
No problem, I just sympathise so much with everyone who has posted here and felt the roller coaster of emotions that comes with finding out you have this virus and then learning how to live with it. I am by no means happy and at peace about having this, and I still get days if I have ha an outbreak where I get depressed about it and hate the person who passed it on to me, and I panic about how it may affect my future. But after a good think, and a talk trough with my other half I get it back in perspective and realise that I hardly ever get an outbreak, and unless I do, I don't think about it at all from day to day!
Outbreaks have become fewer and far between since my first ever one. I came onto this forum this week as I have had one this week, which I know has been triggered by a great amount of stress I have had at work and with a family member being taken ill. But before this week I haven't had one for 2 years! My friend has cold sores around her mouth all the time with the change of weather, or if she becomes ill with a cold or if she's stressed, she seems to have far more trouble with cold sores than I ever do with this!
Don't get me wrong it can get u down when an outbreak does occur. When this happens to me this week I was gutted I almost hoped it has gone forever haha! But I just think positively about it and say to myself it will have cleared up in a week and I can go on not thinking about it again for another few years hopefully lol!!
It's great that there is a forum like this for us to share our experiences an let each other know we are not alone, it really isn't the end of the world, and it does get better!! It should have to change your life in a major way, you just have to be a bit more conscious of what your body is telling you, and be careful and considerate with your future sexual partners so thy they can make their own informed decision about it. I have read up a lot about the virus and advice does say to let your doctor know about the virus if you fall pregnant, but millions of people with herpes go onto have healthy babies an don't pass it onto their newborn because the doctors will give you supplements to take to prevent this.
It's good to talk openly about this to let people know that it shouldnt be a taboo, the more we talk about it the wiser people become about how to prevent yourself from catching it, but also that it's not the be all and end all if you have contracted it. We are all still normal, good people, so please don't let this virus an any small minded people who dot know the full fact about it convince you otherwise. Positive thinking. Xxx
Shouldn't have to change your life^*
Some positive comments there!! I still have days when I feel depressed and disgusted with having the virus! The thing that worries me the most is having to tell a potential partner I can only imagine that it would be a big turn off purely with the stigma of the virus!! I very rarely have outbreaks and the couple I have had have been extremely mild I still feel like I won't be able to lead a "normal" sex life without the fear of passing this on!! Good days and bad but it's ALWAYS at back of my mind 
I contracted this nuisance of a virus back in the heady days of the late 70s and have learned to live with it. I have had a number of long term relationships and have been married for ten years. I have kept my condition to myself and have successfully managed it all these years. Basically do not have sex if you have an outbreak and they are few and far between as the years pass by believe me. Also I had a son 25 years ago and this did not cause any problems although I did tell my consultant and she monitored the last stage to make sure they would be prepared if I had an outbreak but she was very reassuring. Don't feel bad about this you can live with it and at least these days there is anti-virus medication which works miraculously. I used to have to bathe my blistered bum with methalated spirit ouch!!
I contracted HSV1 a couple of months back and went through the feelings of disgust, self-hate, depression, anxiety. I had been single for 4 years and thought it was gonna stay that way. I had one OB since whilst meeting a new guy.
He is now my bf and didn't give two hoots about the HSV. He was more worried about telling me he had thrush. Was great to both put each others mind at ease.
I haven't had any more OBs. I don't care about it at all anymore and does not affect my sex life (unless I get another ob and will have to calm down for a while...but just makes sex all the more fun when we get to do it again :-) )
I have also dealt with depression over the past few years and was just getting over it when HSV hijacked me. I thought it was gonna send me spiralling down again. But after a few weeks of mourning my HSV-less body I'm over it.
Want to get on with my life now. My career, phobia of commitment, my health and fitness and all the other things that depression, anxiety and stupid HSV has held me back from.
Jeez, if I can do it..anyone can..seriously, don't let it gert you down. Have a few weeks of crying and feling rubbish, then realise it is so far from a big deal.
Signing out now to get on with my life. Good luck x
I've recently started seeing a guy and its going really well!! I have no idea how to tell him and am scared that when I do he's not going to want to continue seeing me as its such early days!! What's a good way to approach the subject without freaking him out because of the stigma attached to herpes??
I recently became involved with a man in the past 6 months (whom I love) only to have him suddenly present with sores on his penis, enlarged lymph nodes in his groin & low back pain in the past few weeks. Before he went to his dr I was suspicious of the lesions as being more than just in-grown hairs or spots as he initially thought they were because they looked like nothing I'd ever seen before.. He got the results from his blood work today which, shockingly are negative, but this still doesn't negate the likelihood it's genital herpes. Everything points in that direction according to his dr....and if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck...well, you know. The results from the swab are next, hopefully in a couple of days. The part about this that is most disturbing to me is that I have probably been the one with it for God knows how long and have been asymptomatic until now. I've struggled with recurrent yeast infections and the itchiness associated with that, or so I thought. I now am faced with the horrible feeling I'm in fact the one who has passed this to my partner(s) totally unknowingly since an undetermined period of time. I am mortified. Absolutely and completely mortified.
Because of terrible timing with my job I haven't even been able to see a physician to get properly tested since this episode started just over a week ago. It is tearing me & the stability of this relationship apart. I had a full physical about 18 months ago and had asked for every possible test to be done from bone density to blood work for STD's to a mammogram. I was given a clean bill of health. Sadly, my dr. passed away only 4 months later & I hadn't bothered finding a new one. In the meantime i had a couple of sexual partners (that didn't prove to become long-term relationships despite promising beginnings). But now this. I find myself second guessing every little symptom I've had, past sexual partners' so-called raw spots after sex (even with condoms) and most of all questioning my future dating life. At 41 I'm wondering if I shouldn't just call it quits and go it alone to avoid the embarrassment of having probably infected someone I love because I was blissfully ignorant. I trust him implicitly, but unfortunately I can't say the same about myself now for not having gotten tested after the last men I dated prior to him. Self-loathing is the emotion of the week, coupled with anxiety & deep embarrassment.
Moving forward, WHAT IF we can work through this extremely stressful episode...what do we have to look forward to, realistically? Is oral sex now going to have to involve dental dams and condoms so we don't get cold sores as well since I'm likely an asymptomatic passer-along of this virus without showing evidence of when I'm shedding viral cells? How obvious are the signs of outbreaks before they occur and what are any negative side effects to the meds long-term? Needless to say, our sex life has come to an abrupt and screeching halt and I don't foresee things lasting if this is how things remain. Sorry to sound so pessimistic. I'm actually more concerned about him hating me to the core than the thought of me not ever having a sexual relationship. He says he loves me and that we'll get through it together but I'm bracing for that to shift to resentment if/when I get my test results back if they're positive for hsv.
I'm exhausted, not sleeping well, emotional and losing perspective on how to cope with what I feel is the inevitability of the fact I have genital herpes. Any suggestions and information would be graciously welcomed.
I feel very overwhelmed and rather lonely these days. I was relieved to find somewhere I could ask people who might understand. I thank you in advance for your compassion...