Forget the depression forget the personality disorder! I'm still a pathetic stupid and horrible person! I've tried and failed to be nice, to be a better person but nothing worked! Guess I can't change who I really am? The next life I'm hoping will be better, I'll be loved or at least liked. I'll be a nice person someone who people want to be around. I will try so hard to be a good/better person...I really hope I get that chance, I wish that there is another life after this and I can try to be a better person, to have a better life and if not then I hope there's nothing...literally nothing! No memories, no heartache no nothing..just nothing !
I've been where you are. There is a treatment that works, you just have to find the one that works for you. Also, keep in mind that life is a complete s**t show. It's no surprise that we're all miserable, and it doesn't help that our depressive minds are set to find misery instead of happiness.
Hey dondons
Depression causes our thoughts to be skewed. It lies to us, it makes us believe we are worthless, unloved, disgusting and pointless.
But these thoughts, no matter how real they seem are lies. I have these thoughts daily and I believe them with all my heart. But a tiny part of my mind knows this is the depression talking. We need to learn how to be able to filter out these thoughts or change our reaction to them. It won't be easy. It will be tough, really tough. But with the right support, it might, just might be possible. What have we got to lose? We might as well try...
Hey ive felt like this a bit now xxx sertraline not touching the dep at all. Everyones saying its the depression talking hun. Mines intrusive. P****n me off like the good side against the bad xx they r gunna give it 3 wks then god knows xx i think i must have been a bitch in a past life too hope nxt one im just a butterfly soarinng xxx g.w.soon.x
Hate to be the realist here but we only get one life. I'm not sure what you did to make yourself think your a bad person. I've read your messages before and I don't think you are a bad person. You made the most of life so far. One thing we know is that life is precious and if you are healthy, not retarded and able to go online be thankful not regretful. A lot of us are clinically depressed on here and your words aren't helping.
Dondons, just because you've tried to be nice or a better person doesn't make you pathetic, stupid or a horrible person the fact that your concerned about it actually makes you a person who cares and that speaks volumes.
What help are you getting for yourself? If you've had it all inc meds and talking therapy hasn't worked then the next stage is to find pease with the person you are, although I suspect your depression and personality disorder is the major player at the present time.
What thoughts make you think your not a good or better person, what thoughts stop you believing your not going to have a better life?
On a final note what meds are you taking and have you had professional therapy, not just the bog standard CBT but specialist psychotherapy.
Dondons, I was once told by a psychiatrist that if you try half as hard into your recovery than you did to put yourself in the current situation then you will always get better.
Why are you being so hard on yourself. You should try counselling. You need to learn to love yourself first before anything else. Everyone has some good points about them. Maybe you can divert your thoughts by offering your services to a charitable organisation. Then you will probably see that there are people who are more unfortunate than you. At least now you have your mom with you. If you move out you will be on your own. Will you be able to manage? You may feel your mom is interfering too much in your life but it is love and concern for you thats making her do that. I am a mom so i understand that. Please dont do anything foolhardy. Please get help.
What do you by mean "your words aren't helping?
I know what you're saying but it's hard, I don't like who I am and how I think xx
Yes I've had therapy meds, counselling and what not. I'm waiting for a new therapy ATM I just worry that I can't change me you know? And maybe that's the problem xx
I don't live with my mum, I am a mum of 5 myself. I've tried and am trying to get all the help I can just wish there were a quick fix as I feel like with each day I'm breaking more and more and losing myself xx
Oh thats great. You have 5 wonderful kids. Thats your real wealth. First of all you have think better of yourself. Look in the mirror and keep saying " I am not half as bad as i think myself to be. I am just not well so i am thinking like this. I need to do whatever it takes to get well not only for myself but for my children too". Keep repeating this as much as you can especially when you are really down and though it may take some time you will start believing what you are saying. In the meantime search out all possible avenues to get help.
Every morning i feel really low when i get out of bed. But i force myself to do so and get into my daily routine. After sometime i am able to manage. I am still waiting for my antidepressant to kick in properly. I am on my 12th day of sertraline 50 mg and i need to go another 2 to 3 weeks to get the full benefit of the medication. I am taking one day at a time. If i go back to my doc he will increase my dose but i do not want that. I was on sertraline 50 mg for four years before i did the stupid thing of trying to taper off. Ok for one and half months and then the horrendous withdrawal started. I am back on it and i have resigned to the fact that i will have to take it all my life. Its just another disease like diabetes or hypertension for which one has to take medicines all your life.
Hang in there dondons it's just the mind sending you negative self images and it's very difficult to manage, I know. Just because you maybe did or said something negative, idk, doesn't mean you're a horrible person, it just means you're a human being - keep telling yourself that. I battle self negativities all the time, my gosh, and in fact you sound like a nice person. We all are! It's just the mind playing it's tricks... Hang in there!
Hi dondons, long time since we last spoke and I'm sorry to read you're struggling so much, I have popped in every now and then and read with sadness how much you are still fighting with depression.
You remind me so much of my younger self and how no matter what anyone said, you are a good person, you are ill , health professional or personal, blah blah blah I could and did counter argue it all because I knew me and I knew better and let's face it they are paid to tell us that sh*t, right ? What do they know ? And yeah the meds may chill me out a bit but seriously I just want to save them up so I have enough to end this s**t, nobody gets my hell and never will, I hate myself and every time I try the world just kicks me back into touch with reality by my failure to achieve being, a good person, a good mom, a good anything, so I'm right and you're wrong, sound familiar ? Your fight my sweet is with yourself and only you can help yourself and give yourself a god damn break ! You are human, imperfect in a world that demands everything to be " the norm " an accepted ideology but guess what ? All that stuff is sh*t please please stop searching for answers no one can give you, love and accept your own being, you are precious, accept xx
Thank you xxx
Thank you Anna, I will try but I know more than anyone that I am a defeatist just wish I could change it x
Hey you, long time no see/speak. How are you? And thank you for your advice although you probably know me well enough to know it's hard for me to take And listen to it. Hope you're doing well?
It's lovely to hear from you xxx
Hi hun. How u feeling xxx