Hello, I believe I’m dealing with something that I can’t understand. If someone can help me, please read. For three years I dealt with self diagnose depersonalization from smoking marijuana for the first time and I had a panic attack during the smoke session. I felt unreal, crazy, and dizzy the day after and before I smoked was the last day I have ever felt normal. I learned to live with it and life went on, which turned into three years and it got better and I was dealing with it. Although every time I smoked it got worse and it wore off but I was never completely normal. I have had a tough life. Not to extreme but I was always negative and not very happy. But not as unhappy as I am now. In September of 2016 I walked out of my mental abusing job and went to school and I had no money to do anything and almost lost my house it caused a lot of stress. So I quit school and another job I started because I woke up after that stressful time feeling much more worse and this time I didn’t smoke marijuana.. i had insomnia and wasn’t sleeping well but I fixed it and I feel dizzy, lightheaded, confusion, nausea, muffled hearing like I can’t make out distant sounds. I sometimes don’t know my surroundings. I feel my life is passing by in a haze with no meaning. I’m fearful for no reason or I try to make reasons. I’ll do something and can’t remember it. I will say or do something and I don’t know why. I have face pressure and lights and colors of things seem really bright and my eyes strain and squint a lot. I have cold feet and chills. I feel unreal and that my motions and voice aren’t mine or don’t feel like mine. I feel like I am in a dream or time loop. Sometimes I can’t tell if I am dreaming or not. I feel like I go through the day unconscious and I find it hard to remember anything. I feel I could snap or go crazy any minute or do something that I normally wouldn’t, like I’m not in control of myself. I feel like a stranger to myself and to the world. Things I used to like doing I don’t anymore I just lay in bed because if I get up my dizziness and feeling will overcome me and I feel like I’m floating and the bad feeling along with irrational thoughts start. I feel time flies by or slows down and I lose track. I have a different mood setting everyday. Nothing feels the same. I have dreams every night and I wake up feeling off the hole day. I believe I’m depressed, I doubt myself and I am even having visions in my head of slitting my wrists to end it all now. At one point I thought I was abducted by aliens and I had to get back home. That scared me. I have horrible thoughts. Like violent thoughts that scare me. That’s what bothers me most because I’ve never had it before I am petrified of having schizophrenia or psychosis so I pay close attention to my thoughts and sometimes I still have off the wall crazy thoughts that scare me. I am not hearing anything or seeing things. I just feel so awful physically. I’m 19 I felt like this since I was 16. It’s hard changing into a women with this. It’s hard having a new caring boyfriend that’s constantly trying to calm me down through this. I constantly look at other people wherever I am and see how happy they are not feeling like me. I’m constantly crying, upset, moody. I seem to be going through each day normal to everyone else. It’s stopping me from doing things in life. I really want to go back to normal if this all really is real. I can’t seem to get rid of it. I know the normal me is inside somewhere. But this feeling, It’s always here and if I want anything in this world it’s to be normal. I don’t pray to get better anymore, I pray for god to take me. I feel crazy for writing this or thinking this way. I’m going to the doctor Tuesday and I hope I can get scans for mental illnesses. I hope this is nothing more than anxiety and depersonalization. What do you guys think this is? If I am put on medication, will it help my situation? Or possibly help me to live a normal happy life? Am I able to live normally? What can I do to get better? Please no silly answers, it would not be cool to say something rude to someone who is close to ending their young life. Thank you
I can relate to you very well! You're in a very bad situation that's for sure. I feel exactly the same. I can't know for sure but from my own experience and knownledge then I believe you have DP/DR caused by weed in this case. I'm no doctor though so I might not be all right, remember that. What medication are you on? Have you been on medication before? Are you depressed? Anxious? ''Medications are generally not used to treat dissociative disorders. However, if a person with a dissociative disorder also suffers from depression or anxiety, they might benefit from an antidepressant or anti-anxiety drug.'' I also feel like I'm gonna snap any moment, it happened last night. I got very emotional out of nowhere and couldn't stop crying i destroyed my room pretty bad then I went outside at 5 am for no reason and fell asleep on some bench. I'm home and safe now though, no worries. I've had DP/DR for six months and it's only been getting worse every day. It's not dangerous though! It's scary, terrifying and I understand you. But know you're not alone and I don't know of any but there must be ways to get out of this, right? You're talking about a psychosis. That could be it as well. Do you have any early symptoms of a psychosis? Such as; urge to isolate yourself, problems sleeping, overwhelming anxiety, overwhelming sadness, concentration difficulties, lack of initiative, lack of interest, lack of energy, mood swings, See, hear and feel things others don't, feeling that there's a force or person present who's not ect., if so, please get it checked before it gets worse! I don't know for sure if I have depersonalization or if it's something more but I went to a meeting with two sweet psychologists(?) recently about if I have a psychosis and they couldn't tell at that moment after just talking for two hours so they didn't exclude a psychosis because I have lots of the early symptoms of it. Hopefully it's not a psychosis... I hope the best for you though! You can message me anytime if you need someone to talk with about anything.
Good day xx
Dear kelcie
even though i am not an expert, but surely, i know it beyond any doubt, that what you are undergoing is definitely curable. I myself have been through so many lows of brain. in hope less states. somehow, i just held to myself.
treatment shall surely help. remain calm, cling to that inner faith, even amidst of all these dreamlike experiences. these delusions (whatever u call it)will go and normalcy will return. you shall be master of yourself. but you have to have patience and i mean a lot of patience. surely all shall be normal in due course of time. too much eagerness, restlessness is to be avoided and take relaxed approach. have faith. take some treatment.
it shall be healed.
needless to say, and i stronngly feel, when u know that cause is this smoke, try by all means to quit this smoke.
you are precious. your life is precious. do not even think of ending your life. bright future awaits you. but do not seek it in short cuts of smoke. sober/calm/simple life is far more attractive,
all shall be fine.
God bless you.