I am having suicidal thoughts everyday now. No doctor has been able to help me. I know I'm in perimenopause. My gyno says there's nothing wrong with me even though my testosterone was low and my progesterone was 0.2!! I don't know what to do anymore. I'm on an antidepressant but it does nothng. Please help! Is this normal to feel this way??
Hi Wildfire123
We note from a recent post which you have made to our forum that you may be experiencing thoughts around self-harm. If we have misinterpreted your comments then we apologies for contacting you directly. But if you are having such thoughts then please note that you are not alone in this, and there are people out there that can help.
If you are having these suicidal thoughts then we strongly recommend you speak to someone who may be able to help. The Samaritans offer a safe space where you can talk openly about what you are going through. They can help you explore your options, understand your problems better, or just be there to listen.
Their contact details are on our patient information leaflet here: https://patient.info/health/dealing-with-suicidal-thoughts, which also offers lots of other advice on how you can access the help you may need.
If you are having such thoughts then please do reach out to the team at the Samaritans (or the other people detailed in our leaflet) who will understand what you're going through and will be able to help.
Kindest regards
Patient
You are not alone, from what I am experiencing and what I have read on here , may women at this point feel paranoia, worthless and suicidal . Keep talking , keep taking meds , keep busy , read people's stories on here that helps, and start a journal, write down everything your feeling as you feel it . It can help . Keep your mind busy so your head is full , and try not be alone with your thoughts until this time passes . Big hugs to you x
Wildfire I know exactly where you are! Last fall i had these same thoughts, they terrified me. I didn't "want" to do it but my thoughts were increasing and pushing me over that edge. It was the most terrifying time of my life. I called a friend of mine one morning when it was just so overwhelming that I feared it would happen that day and she told me to meet her at her house. She left work and met me and gave me Bach's Rescue Remedy, And Bach's Cherry Plum. Half a dropperful of each. Within 20 minutes I was feeling so much better and my thoughts had changed. I continued to take 1/4 dropperful of each daily...whenever I needed it over the next few months and never had that again.
It can be gotten at your health food store or ordered online. It worked for me when I was hanging over a cliff and desperate.
I truly pray you find help for this, I know how it feels and I am praying for you!
I believe it is normal to feel that way. You are not alone. Many women on these menopause forums are experiencing a roller coaster ride with their emotional wellbeing. But you doctors should be taking this more seriously. Have any of them suggested HRT or BHRT? My friends who were suffering emotionally say it gave them back their normal selves and saved their marriages.
Wildfire, where are you? In the US?
I think you def should try progesterone. Ask your gyn to prescribe it. You can also buy the cream over the counter, it's just low dose but you can double up on it.
The antidepressant might be giving you these suicidal thoughts as well, you need to talk to your doctor pronto!!
In the beginning for me, last year around this time, I too started feeling like it wouldn't matter if I was here or not. Then when I continued to be so sick all year I could understand why people could have these thoughts. I used to dismiss these people as being selfish, but now have a better understanding as to what they go through.
Now, a year later, things are starting to look good to me again. I'm looking forward to things, I'm even getting my sex drive back!
I have a plaque hanging in my home, it says 'have faith, tides change'. Better days ahead tomorrow. Really!
So go call your doctor and insist, tell him/her exactly what you told us. Get the help you need and deserve. If not, find a different doctor.
I never in a million years would've thought hormones could do what they do, and so many doctors don't either. But you know and I know, and all the women here know.
We are here for you!
Please keep me updated, will be waiting to hear.
XOXO
None of my doctor's have even tried to help me. Even my gynocologist. I had my hormones tested by her through bloodwork. My testosterone was below normal range and my progesterone was 0.2. Is this normal? She said there was nothing wrong with me. Oh and estradiol was 12.7. I have anxiety, panic attacks, agoraphobia, depression, rapid heart rate, loss of appetite, loss of interest in daily things, crying spells, fatigue, concentration problems, nausea, mood swings, hot flashes, flu like symptoms, suicidal thoughts, loss of weight, dizziness, detached from the world, feeling outside my body all the time. I'm a complete wreck! I look at myself in the mirror and I don't see myself anymore. I've lost my identity. Please tell me this perimenopause. I'm only 37. My mom went through it in her late 30's. I keep thinking I'm dying from some horrible disease too.
Dear Wildfire,
I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I have had similar thoughts from time to time and they can be extremely frightening. I have learned that my peri hormonal unbalance can cause such thoughts. Please keep searching for a doctor who will be of help and will really listen to your concerns. I suggest you immediately seek a recommendation from your physician for a psychologist/psychiatrist so that you can talk through your feelings and also your concerns about your medication not working. Do not give up hope! There are many options that may help you. You are not alone in your feelings! Please keep the ladies on this post updated on your progress. Love and hugs--Sarah
Dear Wildfire wherever thoughts that you have right now YOU ATR NOT ALONE we all are right here with you feeling for you at the same journey being a woman is beautiful and challenging. Don't quit you had received here so many great suggestions, personally I will drop wherever I am doing and will call Samaritans immediately. Don't let your mind wondering being it to present writting here everything you feel is what I do and believe me help a lot with anxiety. Once you feel better think in new medical opinions about the anti depressants that you are taking to see if it is the right treatment for you. Love ❤️
I am in peri and have the same. I try to be around people all the time, it helps. I am experimenting with herbal estrogens, I think they help a little with mood. I am not sure if the antidepressant helps or the opposite?
No, it's not normal. So, don't let your gyno demean you. Find another. There is a theory that depression is caused by feelings of suppressed anger. Women have been taught from infancy that getting angry and expressing their needs are "wrong" and "not nice." Without the ability to be who they are, they become angry. And, years of suppressed anger can bring on depression. (That's the short version.)
When I was suicidally depressed, I was actually highly angry, due to the circumstances I was experiencing and factors that made it seem impossible for things to get any better.
I suggest that you try a different antidepressant, and maybe find a support group. I was on Zoloft for a year and a half. Circumstances around me changed, and somehow, I was able to find my way back.
Take care, and don't think of taking yourself out of this crazy world. We all need you. xx
Hi...
So sorry you are feeling like this.. you are not alone and I have been through the same and it's horrible..
Remember it will pass.. try and find someone you can really open up to and get all these thoughts out... you will be surprised how many women go through this... Keep in touch on this wonderful forum... xxxx
Hi wildfire. I am also very sorry you are feeling this way. I have my moments too. Please know that we are all going through this together. Even though we can't meet in person, we can come on here for support. I try to keep telling myself it is just the hormones making me feel this way. And remember that I do have good days sometimes and to just hold on for those again. Please find a doctor that can help you! Stay on here as much as possible until you are feeling better. ((BIG hugs))
This is exactly how I was this entire year, every symptom you have and more! I was sure I was dying of something dreadful. However I'm 52 and just now finally skipped a period. But mind you I had a GP, endocrinologist, and two other doctors tell me I wasn't even close to perimenopause. Huh???? I changed GYN's and the new one said having a 0.2 progesterone level was low, and then the hormone doctor I went to who specializes in bioidentical hormones said that level of progesterone is almost non existent. So the progesterone I took was helping me sleep and helped with painful fibrocystic breasts, although my other symptoms didn't get better and more arose. I finally went off the hormones when I found out that perimeno brought up old EBV virus, and let me tell you, when you read about people suffering from reactivated EBV the symptoms are just like ours! Also, I think if your mom went through meno in her late 30s then it would seem likely that you could be too. For me, things seems to finally be calming down after a hellacious year of suffering. I can't believe I even made it thru. The only thing I'm doing different is taking B12 (methocobalimine type) and B6 which was prescribed by the EBV specialist. Why don't you try taking these B vitamins? I also worked at putting back 20 pounds of the 30 I had lost. Isn't it amazing what hormones can do to us? Who knew? But please know that I'm here for you, feel free to ask me anything. I totally know what you are going through. My GYN wanted me to go on the pill, but I resisted that because of my age. Have you thought of trying it though?
This reads like me...same same same. Except i checked into a clinic for 6 days to make sure i didnt hurt myself as all seemed lost. My anxiety is constant with huge blips in there. i ruminate, i fortune tell. cant work and can barely do anything most days. its just getting worse as they gave me sleeping pilss which im stopping today...
get your nutrient levels checked and your serum copper too look into something called 'walsh protocol' it may or may not help. magnesium and vit c are great too. i do hope that we get through this time....i also have internal shaking, insomnia, sore boobs, vaginal dryness, ringing in my left ear, night sweats, feeling dizzy or spacey. i tell my partner that the edges are blurred, as my vision gets all blurry. im becoming depressed when i'm not anxious or having an 'episode'
sometimes just knowing you arent alone is good therapy..dont hurt yourself ok. you are truly worthy and deserving of a wonderful life and once wemove past this 'turbulence' calm is waiting for us....
What is EBV? Oh gosh with my health anxiety I now think I have that!!
Epstein Barr Virus. how are you feeling Wildfire123? I'm here for you all day today if you like.....
Depressed. I just want my life back. I hope I don't have that virus.
im sure you dont. and if you then you can work on it and get well....its only a virus.... where do you live? do you mainly have anxiety or depression? have you done any CBT? had any therapy at all?
95% of us do have EBV that lays dormant in our bodies after we have mono when we are younger. So odds are you do have it. And sometimes with hormones dropping old viruses can reactivate. That's why we feel so awful. The good thing is, once you know if it is active, your immune system will start to kick in. It's the not knowing, and thinking you are dying from some awful disease that makes our anxiety worse.