I've always had them. Acted on them when I was a young teenager - obviously not successfully!
Back then it was very much the classic "I'd be better off dead" but now, as a 44 year old, I realise that it's not that I'd be better off dead, it's that everyone else would be so much better off without me. I have been on sertraline for 4 weeks now and the severity of the depression has GREATLY reduced. Hugely. I am able to function and stop crying. Can look pretty normal to everyone. But it has clarified my suicidal thoughts. Now I feel so normal I can see clearly that the thoughts that my family would be better off without me are real and true. I don't want them to know that I've killed myself. I need it to look like an accident so that no-one feels guilty or blames themselves etc. It would just be so much easier and happier for them all if they just had a life without me. How can I make suicide look like an accident?
Don't EVER think that way. Your family needs you and you need them. It would not be happier or easier at all. Stop this mind-set right away and GET help now.
No mattter what you think, there is no way your family would be better off without you. Being without someone you love can destroy you & I know you would never want to do that to them. I completly understand, I feel the same at times but I could never do that to people that have supported & loved me through the worst times. Go back to you doctor & remember you're not alone xx
I understand completely how you feel as I feel the same way at times but believe me your family wouldn't be better off by your death. They would be devestated and miss you! Go and have a chat with your doctor and get the help you need. Take care of yourself, Ben
The answer is you can't. Why do you think your family and friends would be better off without you? They wouldn't trust me. If you did this they would all be devastated and would never recover fully. I am sure they do love you very much so please don't do this to them.
This is your depression talking. You need to wait for your meds to fully kick in as it can take up to 6 weeks. Maybe you need them upping? I am on 150 mgs of sertraline a day and find they work well for me.
Ok I still get the suicide thoughts and when I feel like this I trawl the suicide sites and look at various methods of killing myself. It always puts me off as they all seem so painful. Also you might only partially succeed and end up as a vegetable or in a wheelchair. I know someone who lost a leg.
What helps me is to say every morning 'I am not going to kill myself today'. Once you make that decision you are free to enjoy the rest of the day without the intrusive thoughts. Putting it off is the key. Take care. x
Every reply has been helpful. It doesn't change the thoughts, but it does help.
I have my first group therapy session tonight (dreading it!) so will broach the subject then if it feels appropriate. I am afraid that I do very much feel it is a sensible, logical feeling that i have, but perhaps you are right in saying it isn't. I'm not in any rush - there are no concrete plans - they've had to live with me so far!!
Just wondering how the group therapy is going - I really hope it's helping you to feel a bit better (a lot better even!?) I live with suicidal depression every day and it does get to the point where you have rationaliized all the logical arguments and become "comfortable" with this way out. However, I agree with HyperCat - it is a permanent solution to a temporary problem so please tell yourself "Not today" - give yourself one more day. Take care of yourself x