Need permission to die. Please?.......Anyone?
Maimi5, I need more to work on than 'I need permission to die'. That is not going to happen unless someone is really sick and cruel.
What has led you to this conclusion that there are no other valid options?
I am a mental health nurse who has battled depression since I was 4 years old. As a child, I had attempted suicide 3 times by the age of 13 - and they were serious attempts - and I have come close many times since. But once the depression has lifted, I am bloody grateful I did not go through with it. I have saved lives, and I have been with people when they have passed on.
I am practical about things, and believe me, after 12 years of mental health nursing, it's been many years since I was shocked.
ps. I'm 44 now.
I don't know if you are in the US or not but you need to go to the emergency room NOW! Call the samaritans or 211 if in the US or suicidal help line! You need to get help now please!
You won't find anyone here to give you permission, but you will find plenty of people who have felt like you do right now....and even people who are feeling the same at this moment.
The decision to take your life is yours and yours alone love. But I don't think you are in any fit state to make that decision right now, do you? Sometimes it is necessary to step back and let things ride, to wait a while and perhaps seek some professional help.
Will you tell us more please? Could you explain why you want to die and what help you have at the moment.
I will be waiting for your reply, so please, please reply soon. Thank you.
Pat xxxxxxx
patricia44773 is talking a lot of sense, as is justbeingme2.
You are not going to get permssion to end your life on this forum, and I am pretty sure you knew that when you posted on here. However, I am sure that between us, we can help you get through this and come out the other side. Justbeingme2 made a good point, are you in the US or Britain? It really has a huge bearing on the advice and support that is on offer and how you go about getting it - obviously separate from on this page. I can also promise that no matter how bleak and dreadful it seems right now, it is worth coming out of the other side, believe me, I've been there, done that, got the T-shirt myself numerous times, and helped others do it numerous times as well, and they would all say the same as me.
Don't do it! You need to get some help, try ringing the Samaritans or 999 if you are in the UK. We've all been there, some of us quite recently. In my case, I've been up and own for the past seven months and then, out of the blue, I woke up feeling optimistic and almost happy. The pills actually worked! Hang in there - please
im sorry but why do you think anyone in there right mind would tell you its ok to commit suicide apart from the legal reprecussions ? ive thought about it but ive sought help and im glad i did as i didnt realise how many people cared for me ! listen to others on here and get help for your self !good luck
i know how u feel.............
Oh Michael, please seek some help, I worry about you.
i'm trying, n thanks
Just wondering how you are. If you see this, will you just send us a word or two.
Patxxxx
Thank you all for your replies and kind words. Means a lot to me right now. As you can see, I'm still here, wishing I wasn't. I live in the UK. Have gone from one traumatic event to another throughout my adult life. I am 50 now. Too much suffering. Too many emotions. Just can't cope anymore. Sorry.
Mami5, I've sent you a private message, have a good read through it and I'm pretty sure it will help. You will be okay.
I've not received it? Sorry.
We are here to listen, if it helps to share.
I am in th UK too.
Pat
Phoned my CPN today. Asked her for permission to die - she obviously refused too. But it was worth the try.
Why won't anyone grant me my wish, and allow me to die?
Okay Mami5, I think you know the answer to why no-one is going to give you permission to die. Not only is it morally wrong, it's also illegal.
You have opened the trap doors to your past and they have been closed for a very long time. Once upon a time, there were monsters down there, but now they are memories of monsters, as insubstantial as pictures on a screen.
You have a CPN and a psychologist helping you. You may also need the help of the Crisis and Home Treatment Team to support you whilst you are going through what will be the hardest part of your treatment, yes, this bit is the hardest and it will last a while, but stick at it and it will get easier, and I'm sure you've been told this before and it seems difficult to believe. However, it is true. It will stay difficult for a while, how long depends on many things which I am not party to, but it will get better and easier. It will be a bumpy ride for you, but lets face it, hasn't it been bumpy for a long time, and you are still here? In this case (as in most) death is not really a valid way out. I can't imagine you particularly wish your psychiatric team going through Coroner's Court after waiting up to a year in limbo-land. Believe me, that is truly traumatic. Nor do imagine you want the b*stards who made your life so unpleasant (I'm guessing that this is an understatement and a half) to win, what right have they got to do that? What right do they have to make you take your own life, or even feel that way? None, none what-so-ever.
Instead of asking for permission to die, ask for advice on how to live, on how to get through each day whilst you are going through this difficult period. When you remember the past - you can't stop the memories any more than you can make water flow uphill - remember you were much younger, with little if any control. It is absolutely normal to feel guilty for not standing up to these things, for not preventing them. But this is putting an adult's head on the body of the child. That's not how it was. A child and a young person is relatively powerless, and made to feel more so. I know, I have worked professionally with perpetrators for 12 years now as well as victims.
Ask your CPN about respite care, not an admission, an acute admission is usually avoided if possible. Opening an episode for youunder the Crisis Assessment and Home Treatment Team may be the best option. Look again at your CPA Care Plan, ask for a review of your CPA Care Plan and risk assessment.
The point is, you need to let others help you, but you must take their advice and try it, not merely to prove them wrong, but in the hope that they are right (which they usually are). As a Mental Health Nurse and former CPN of 7 years experience, I can say with a lot of confidence that you can trust their judgment. Ring the Crisis Team tonight, it's what they are paid to do. It's a damn sight better than another OD or lots of conflicting advice.
You can get through this and if you choose to do so, you will succeed, but that choice is yours and no-one elses.
Post an update when you have done this, okay?
All the best
Cupar2514
Hi mami5. I am also around the same age as you (51). Please try to get medication (antidepressants) to take away your pain. I know what it's like to feel that pain, but it will go away if you get help. Your life will feel worthwhile again. There could be so many good things you could do with your life, once you are well again. As I said - I've been there but I am better now and so glad that I am here to help others. (I help dogs, cats, rescued animals & disabled children.) I hope that you will also find someone to help. There are plenty of creatures who need help & would be glad of you. I hope I have helped you in some small way. Just know that others are with you.
Hi angela, thank you. Sorry you've suffered too. It's hard. I am on antidepressants at the moment, though saw GP yesterday and CPN today, and they are considering stopping them altogether. They are obviously not working very well if I'm still suicidal. No alternatives will be offered either as I have a history of overdosing, on both meds and paracetamols.