When you're feeling like ending it all. What are you actually meant to do? When there is nobody you can really talk to and no one to help you, what are you meant to do? When you are haunted by failures and can see nothing positive in the future. When you are damaged from the inside out and your body is falling apart. When every new day offers a little less hope than the one before. When you feel like it's the end and you're not helping anyone anymore. You've failed, become a doormat with no respect for yourself. What are you actually meant to do?
hold on i guess, till ur next gp appointment,
Hya Bird 
!
You are supposed to be honest to yourself;
You are supposed to try to see more clearly;
You are supposed to accept the imperfection of all people including your own.
You are supposed to put yourself out there just like you're doing now by coming here and sharing what's going on with you.
We're all damaged: can't you see?
We all had imperfect parents, bad experiences and countless failures.
No one is immune no matter how much they pretend to be successful.
Your imperfections and your failures are the marvel you'll crave to make your statue.
See if CODA support groups are your thing - no one asks, no one intrudes but everyone helps. I'm PM you a link.
Keep posting here. If you don't get the answer you need right away remember: people are imperfect, they don't know how to deal with pain.
Teresa
Thanks. I guess I realise nobody can answer my questions or tell me what to do. I just thought I'd try and get it out rather than internalise it all.
Thank you for the link. I really appreciate it.
Trying! I don't tell doctors this stuff though. But you're right.
Bird,
If you feel you want to kill yourself, that's OK.
But don't do it today.
Say to yourself;
'This may be unbearable when I think of life going on and on, forever, in this misery, but I have the strength to withstand it for 28 days.'
Tell yourself;
'I will kill myself in four week's time, as long as I don't have a 'good' day within that time period.'
If you have a good day, reset the clock, so you give yourself another four weeks before the big day, from the day you felt a bit better.
If, at the 28th day, you still feel you can't go on, go right ahead.
In the meantime, try to talk to professionals, speak with the Samaritans, try not to turn inwards on yourself.
An impulse suicide attempt is never the way forward.
Stuart
I consider what you have just said Stuart as a meaningful, accurate and valuable piece of advice, and I would like to congratulate you for stating it.
Very well said.
Thank you Stuart. That is a sensible and precise approach. In all the madness and turmoil, it's good to have a step by step plan. I will keep trying. Thank you.
Do you have kids bird?
Hi Bird,
please i dint have any answers but if you would like to talk to me i will listen to you my friend. I have just list a dear friend to suicide and its devastating.
please, please dont do anything butbplease talk to someone like i said you can talk to me if you like"
the one thing i have learnt is that when someobe says to talk, the immediate reaction may be, well what good will that do, but even though folk may not have the answer often when you talk to someone, somehow it can make things a little easier and sometimes you can actually discover your own answers or see things a different way. Sorry if this doesnt sound helpfull but people do care, and i care that there is someone like you out there breaking their heart and hurting and just feeling so tired and upset. Sorry im assuming.
look, if you want to talk i can send you my email first and even a mobile number and i can just listen and not judge or sugest anythng.
Take care my friend.
kindest and warmest regards,
chris
Yes I do. Believe me, I love my kids more than anything and they are the reason I'm still trying. But as time goes by I feel more and more like I'm failing them. Their father walked out when they were babies and has never helped since. I have no siblings. I'm struggling every day. My boys have special needs, one autism and one aspergers and I also look after my cousin who was abandoned by his parents 7 years ago. I've tried so hard but just feel like I have no strength left. Maybe they'd all do better without me. All they are witnessing is my downward spiral and that is just not good enough. I want them to be happy and successful. How can I possibly teach them / show them that when I'm like this?
What are you suffering with babe? Is it anxiety/ depression? Both? Etc. I know it's hard I have a little boy and I am 27 weeks pregnant! Please talk to me x
Do you have any close family/friends?x
Bird you need to know that we are ALL here for you! If you ever want to message me I will reply day or night. We are all going and have gone through similar things. Find some inner strength, look at your babies and turn your life around! You CAN do this! It's your outlook that restricts you. It will be hard at first but it WILL get easier because everything passes. Make your babies your whole priority, love them spend your time with them and make it your mission to ensure they succeed in life. Be a fighter and most importantly hold your head high and be proud of yourself! and smile. Because in the end that's ALL that matters!
Just by reading your posts I can tell you that I am proud of you! What we go through pushes us to our mental limits!! It does NOT make us weak, we are a hell of a lot stronger than most!! We can do this chick! For our babies!
best thing i did was goto the doctors n explain myself, might b worth mentioning to ur GP, that u feel u dont open up enough, due to lack of inner strength or that GP appoinments not long enough for you to fully exlain, hope ur next visit goes well
Thoughts of suicide can be fleeting, I know as I get them, I am very impulsive and if I attempted suicide every time they came I would be dead now. Please try and stay strong. I always think about the saying that suicide is a permenant solution to a temporary problem. Please try and call a professional for help, tell them exactly how you feel, that you are struggling to cope and get you need help now ! As for your sons they may be able to help with some respite or a carer that will just give you a couple of hours off to rest. Please stay safe.
Thanks. Yeah you're right, I just feel like a nuisance to doctors, therapists, friends etc. there's just so much, I can't say it all! But saying bits and bobs is pointless so I just say nothing.
Hi,
Thank you so much. I really appreciate you taking the time to respond to me. It's scary sometimes, I always think I'm being a nuisance. But I guess reaching out to strangers is easier than talking to doctors and people you know. Definitely feels that way for me. Really thank you so much though. I hope you are doing okay.